Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"I know." In the bathroom, he somewhat awkwardly lowered Duo into the bath.

Duo roused slightly at the feel of the warm water, and sighed contentedly as it swept over his shoulders, easing aching muscles. "Tha's good stuff," he muttered, glancing up at Heero. "You comin' in?"

He shook his head. "I'm going to clean up," he told his lover. "I'll let you soak a while."

Duo yawned, oozing a little further down in the bath and closing his eyes. "Sounds good," he said.

Heero snorted playfully. "Baka, I have to clean you up first. You're a mess."

"And whose fault is that?" Duo demanded without opening his eyes.

Heero shook his head, unable to keep from smiling. He snagged a washcloth from over the rack, and began to clean off the evidence of last night's efforts. Duo sat passively in the warm bath, half-dozing, too spent even to do much to help. When he was acceptably clean, Heero took him by the shoulders and pressed him gently against the towel on side of the bath. Obligingly, Duo lifted his arms and folded them on top of the towel, leaning against them. That way, he could drift in the warm water without danger of drowning.

Still, Heero left the door open and kept an ear out for sudden splashes as he went about stripping the bed. The sheets and blankets were soaked with sweat, among other things. Even the mattress, with all the covers stripped, was unpleasantly damp. It took ten minutes with Duo's hair dryer and a couple of tense moments when the lights dimmed before it was back in usable shape. The headboard, though it had held up admirably under stress, bore several long cracks running through it, and the bedsprings would never be the same.

He bundled the wet mess into a plastic garbage bag, and dropped the whole thing into the hamper, before going to fetch clean sheets. Cleaning the rest of the bedroom was more of a chore than he'd anticipated. The wax from the melted candles had welded itself to the wood of the desk, he didn't think the chocolate was ever going to come out of the carpet, and he didn't even want to know how the lube had gotten on the ceiling.

It took over half an hour to get the bedroom back into habitable shape. By the time he headed back into the bathroom, he was feeling pretty grungy himself, and on a sudden impulse he stripped off his shorts and climbed into the bathtub behind his lover. The water was just starting to lose its pleasant warmth, and he reached behind him to turn on the hot water tap.

The movement of the water disturbed Duo, who had fallen into a pleasant daze surrounded by the soothing warmth. The heat had dissipated the pain of his overworked body, leaving only achiness and a dragging exhaustion. Heero had really pushed his limits last night, and there was more than one point at which he had felt he'd had more than enough.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

But despite all that, Duo had never felt more... cherished. Never felt so cared for, so desired. Heero had looked at him like... like he really saw him, and wanted him, and loved him. He wouldn't have traded that night for anything.

He was drawn out of his musings when warm hands settled on his shoulders and pulled him back against a solidly muscled chest. He sighed happily and settled back, nearly purring with satisfaction as the object of his thoughts laid a small kiss on his shoulder.

"Done cleaning?" he asked sleepily. He felt Heero shift as he nodded.

"One thing left to clean," he answered, and fingered Duo's braid. Despite the half-hour it had lain soaking, it was still hopelessly tangled and sticky to the touch. Duo nodded, and with some difficulty pulled himself up and put his arms against the edge of the tub so Heero could reach his hair. After a minute, he felt a tugging at his scalp, as Heero carefully tried to undo the braid without pulling too much on his hair.

Once the whole braid was undone, Heero ran his fingers through it, spreading it out to float on the the water and then dip beneath the surface. There was a pause, as Heero reached over to grab one of the plastic bottles from the floor beside the tub, and then Duo became one with the sudsy bath water as Heero's slippery hands buried themselves in his hair. The dissolved puddle of Duo goo let out a loud purr as Heero's hands slid along his scalp, massaging firmly as he lathered the shampoo into his hair, then slid down along his neck to work it through the long fall down his back.

Duo barely registered it when Heero pulled him back down, submerging him under the warm water and leaving only his nose and mouth above the surface. Underwater, he continued to scrub at Duo's hair, loosening it into a soft cloud that quickly drifted to fill the bathtub.

Heero stiffened, holding his breath, as the soft mass of hair brushed up against his skin. He was sitting with Duo's head nearly in his lap, and the soft tickling across his groin felt too good. It was so warm... but not as warm as Duo would be...

No! He forced himself to regain control, and set his jaw as he reached for the conditioner. Duo had more than enough of that last night, and he wasn't ready for more, no matter how much Heero was. The only thing he'd accomplish would be to hurt Duo, and he was going to do everything in his power to see that he never hurt Duo again.

By the time he was finished cleaning Duo's hair, the water was getting rather unpleasant -- the conditioner made the water slightly slimy, which grew to be uncomfortable as the temperature cooled. Heero shut off both taps and opened the drain, then stood up, pulling Duo with him.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

But despite all that, Duo had never felt more... cherished. Never felt so cared for, so desired. Heero had looked at him like... like he really saw him, and wanted him, and loved him. He wouldn't have traded that night for anything.

He was drawn out of his musings when warm hands settled on his shoulders and pulled him back against a solidly muscled chest. He sighed happily and settled back, nearly purring with satisfaction as the object of his thoughts laid a small kiss on his shoulder.

"Done cleaning?" he asked sleepily. He felt Heero shift as he nodded.

"One thing left to clean," he answered, and fingered Duo's braid. Despite the half-hour it had lain soaking, it was still hopelessly tangled and sticky to the touch. Duo nodded, and with some difficulty pulled himself up and put his arms against the edge of the tub so Heero could reach his hair. After a minute, he felt a tugging at his scalp, as Heero carefully tried to undo the braid without pulling too much on his hair.

Once the whole braid was undone, Heero ran his fingers through it, spreading it out to float on the the water and then dip beneath the surface. There was a pause, as Heero reached over to grab one of the plastic bottles from the floor beside the tub, and then Duo became one with the sudsy bath water as Heero's slippery hands buried themselves in his hair. The dissolved puddle of Duo goo let out a loud purr as Heero's hands slid along his scalp, massaging firmly as he lathered the shampoo into his hair, then slid down along his neck to work it through the long fall down his back.

Duo barely registered it when Heero pulled him back down, submerging him under the warm water and leaving only his nose and mouth above the surface. Underwater, he continued to scrub at Duo's hair, loosening it into a soft cloud that quickly drifted to fill the bathtub.

Heero stiffened, holding his breath, as the soft mass of hair brushed up against his skin. He was sitting with Duo's head nearly in his lap, and the soft tickling across his groin felt too good. It was so warm... but not as warm as Duo would be...

No! He forced himself to regain control, and set his jaw as he reached for the conditioner. Duo had more than enough of that last night, and he wasn't ready for more, no matter how much Heero was. The only thing he'd accomplish would be to hurt Duo, and he was going to do everything in his power to see that he never hurt Duo again.

By the time he was finished cleaning Duo's hair, the water was getting rather unpleasant -- the conditioner made the water slightly slimy, which grew to be uncomfortable as the temperature cooled. Heero shut off both taps and opened the drain, then stood up, pulling Duo with him.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He snagged one of the two remaining towels off the shelf, and used it to dry off first himself, then Duo. Then, while Duo hung onto the towel rack for support, he used the last towel to dry Duo's hair the best he could, then braided it, the process squeezing what seemed like half a gallon of water onto the floor. Before leaving the bathroom, Heero surveyed the mess they had left -- tub filthy, towels on the floor, water everywhere -- and sighed internally. It couldn't be helped.

He steered Duo out of the bathroom, walking under his own power this time, though half-asleep on his feet, and into the bedroom. He'd thought to put a few beach towels on top of the covers, to keep them from getting soaked, and settled Duo back down onto them. Immediately, Duo shifted off of his back, turning onto his side and curling up slightly.

He looked absolutely adorable, and Heero hesitated for a moment, considering joining him, before turning and vanishing into the kitchen. He returned with a bottle of juice in his hand -- the kind that was advertised to include ancient Chinese herbs that increased speed and stamina, but really contained nothing more remarkable than corn syrup -- and shook Duo awake.

"Mmf." Duo opened his eyes, with a tired glare. "What is it? I wanna sleep."

"Drink this first." Heero urged Duo into a sitting position, pressing the bottle into his grasp. Duo wrapped his hands around it without really knowing what it was, and peered at it suspiciously. "You might get dehydrated otherwise," Heero warned him.

Fumbling with the cap, Duo took a long drink, then laughed. "I suppose so," he said, glancing around the room. "I'm all dry."

Heero smiled, but he winced internally. The last few times he'd managed to get Duo to climax, there'd been almost nothing left in him, and so Heero had decided to call a halt before Duo got really hurt, despite the fact that... "You know," Heero commented idly, as Duo took another drink, "We never did complete the mission."

Duo nearly choked on his drink, and had to hold it with both hands as he coughed, glaring at Heero warily. "You're kidding, aren't you?" he said, uncertainly.

Despite himself, Heero's smile widened slightly. "Target number was seventeen," he murmured. "You didn't even manage a dozen. I guess we'll just have to postpone the rest of them for some other time."

Duo's eyes widened, and his hands closed nervously on the bottle in his hands. "But not tonight, right, Heero?" he said hopefully. "It had better not be, Heero... If you think I can manage anything like that again, anytime soon, you're..."

Heero laughed, cutting him off, and took hold of his shoulders as he leaned in to kiss him. He tasted like fruit juice, but still like Duo. "It will be whenever you want," he said reassuringly. "And not all at once. You just have to ask for one."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He snagged one of the two remaining towels off the shelf, and used it to dry off first himself, then Duo. Then, while Duo hung onto the towel rack for support, he used the last towel to dry Duo's hair the best he could, then braided it, the process squeezing what seemed like half a gallon of water onto the floor. Before leaving the bathroom, Heero surveyed the mess they had left -- tub filthy, towels on the floor, water everywhere -- and sighed internally. It couldn't be helped.

He steered Duo out of the bathroom, walking under his own power this time, though half-asleep on his feet, and into the bedroom. He'd thought to put a few beach towels on top of the covers, to keep them from getting soaked, and settled Duo back down onto them. Immediately, Duo shifted off of his back, turning onto his side and curling up slightly.

He looked absolutely adorable, and Heero hesitated for a moment, considering joining him, before turning and vanishing into the kitchen. He returned with a bottle of juice in his hand -- the kind that was advertised to include ancient Chinese herbs that increased speed and stamina, but really contained nothing more remarkable than corn syrup -- and shook Duo awake.

"Mmf." Duo opened his eyes, with a tired glare. "What is it? I wanna sleep."

"Drink this first." Heero urged Duo into a sitting position, pressing the bottle into his grasp. Duo wrapped his hands around it without really knowing what it was, and peered at it suspiciously. "You might get dehydrated otherwise," Heero warned him.

Fumbling with the cap, Duo took a long drink, then laughed. "I suppose so," he said, glancing around the room. "I'm all dry."

Heero smiled, but he winced internally. The last few times he'd managed to get Duo to climax, there'd been almost nothing left in him, and so Heero had decided to call a halt before Duo got really hurt, despite the fact that... "You know," Heero commented idly, as Duo took another drink, "We never did complete the mission."

Duo nearly choked on his drink, and had to hold it with both hands as he coughed, glaring at Heero warily. "You're kidding, aren't you?" he said, uncertainly.

Despite himself, Heero's smile widened slightly. "Target number was seventeen," he murmured. "You didn't even manage a dozen. I guess we'll just have to postpone the rest of them for some other time."

Duo's eyes widened, and his hands closed nervously on the bottle in his hands. "But not tonight, right, Heero?" he said hopefully. "It had better not be, Heero... If you think I can manage anything like that again, anytime soon, you're..."

Heero laughed, cutting him off, and took hold of his shoulders as he leaned in to kiss him. He tasted like fruit juice, but still like Duo. "It will be whenever you want," he said reassuringly. "And not all at once. You just have to ask for one."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Duo said, sounding relieved. Then he got a calculating look in his eyes. "Oh, really?" he repeated, in a more speculative tone.

"Really," Heero answered, then took the empty bottle out of his hands and set it on the nightstand. "Whatever you're plotting, Duo, do it later." He leaned over Duo, pressing him down against the towels. "Sleep now."

"Mmmm." Duo let himself be guided, closing his eyes almost the moment his head hit the pillow.

He'd been halfway to sleep all morning, and it hardly took any time at all before his breathing evened and deepened. Heero stayed there for a long time, ignoring the tiredness that pulled at his own body, just watching his lover sleep. Sometimes he reached out and touched Duo, his forehead, his cheek, his hand. But most of the time he just looked, his eyes dark with some thoughts, before finally he rose from the bed and left the room. There were still some things he had to do.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"...you're in no shape for it. You'd only slow me down."

"I'm sorry." What else can I say? He's right. I look down at the loose white shirt I'm wearing -- I couldn't stand to put anything else on over my bruises. They're marching up and down my arms, reminding me with every move I make. Hell.

He's saying something else. I look up at him, though I'm afraid to see censure in those unfathomable eyes of his. But he's brought me this far. He's done so much for me. What can I do but be grateful?

"You can go to school if you want."

That startles me. If I want? What good would that do? There's no base around here for me to try to get close to. There's no point in pretending to be normal.

"I've already enrolled in your name."

I open my mouth to say something, but he's already left the room. I stare after him, knowing full well I look like an idiot. Why? My head is buzzing with the question. Why would he do that? If he had to use any name, why mine? It took him long enough even to remember it.

But at the same time it makes perfect sense. He went to school with me, of course he would associate it with my name. School = Duo Maxwell. Being Normal = Duo Maxwell.

Something about that thought makes me warm. My head hurts too much to figure it out. Instead l turn to the window. Heero would object, but I'm thirty stories up, no-one will see me. I search the ground below, waiting to see if I can pick out him from the crowd.

I lean against the glass, letting its coldness ease the sting of my cuts and bruises. I hurt all over. I should feel like crap. Instead, I just feel warm.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Something smelled delicious. It was that realization that drew Duo out of his dream into wakefulness. He opened his eyes to see the colony's afternoon sun slanting across the ceiling through the blinds, and found himself tangled in towels and sheets. The towels were damp, and he made a face as he dug them out from under him and tossed them onto the floor.

Sighing blissfully, he was ready to snuggle back into the sheets (they were warm, and smelled clean) when he was assailed once more by the wonderful scent. He closed his eyes, and tried to identify it. Coffee. Yes, there was definitely coffee brewing... and something else, some kind of bread product...

His mind immediately leapt to the correct conclusion -- Heero made breakfast? -- and he quickly sat up in the bed, preparing to head into the kitchen and claim his share. Before he could move from the bed, however, a slight wave of dizziness and a newly awakened soreness in his muscles stopped him short.

What... Oh. Yeah. No wonder I dreamed of that... He stretched carefully, wincing as he did so, and then exhaled loudly. The bath and the rest had done much to cure his stiff, aching muscles, enough that he was plotting another foray out of bed when the bedroom door nudged open. Duo looked up and smiled.

It was Heero, of course, carrying what appeared to be... a baking tray, with a napkin draped over it. Duo laughed out loud.

Heero quirked one eyebrow at him, setting the tray down on the bed. "Something funny?"

"Not at all." Duo couldn't stop grinning. There was no rose in crystal vases, but there was an origami flower made from newspaper standing in a shotglass. Somehow, that was even better. He ran his eyes over the tray's contents and exclaimed happily. "Mmm... coffee... OJ... toast... and cookies!" He looked up at Heero in surprise. "Oatmeal raisin?"

Heero smiled back, sitting on the edge of the bed and twisting his torso to study the tray's content's. "You like to eat cookies for breakfast," he answered simply, shrugging.

Duo stared at him, an strange lump in his throat. It shouldn't be so surprising that Heero knew. After all, he'd often enough seen Duo munch on cookies in the morning, or drop a few in his pockets to eat at work. But that wasn't something that Heero Yuy approved of. Cookies, even relatively plain ones like oatmeal cookies, were unhealthy and frivolous. As breakfast food, they didn't even have the redeeming virtue of being Normal, a quality which Heero Yuy had come to embrace since his return to civilian life.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Heero Yuy did not eat cookies for breakfast. He ate ration bars; or, if he was trying to be normal, perhaps waffles and pancakes, eggs or bacon. Proper breakfast foods. Not cookies.

Without speaking, Duo picked up one of the cookies and took a bite. When he swallowed, the lump went away, and when it went it eased something that had been knotted up inside him for a long time. "Thanks, Heero," he said softly.

"Hm," Heero said, and reached over for one of the slices of toast. "Have some toast, too. It's better for you."

Duo looked up at him, a challenging sparkle in his eye. "I'll have toast if you'll have cookies," he offered.

"Deal," Heero nodded firmly.

They ate in comfort, talking about meaningless things. "I considered adding strawberries and cream to the tray," Heero told him, "but I didn't think you'd want to see them again so soon after last night."

Duo blanched in mock-horror. "What, we still have some of those left?" he cried.

Heero nodded, a gleam in his eye. "A few. Although the can should probably be washed before it is used again."

Duo shuddered theatrically, and Heero gave him an amused glance. "What, you didn't seem to mind so much at the time," he challenged him.

"I guess not," Duo said with an exaggerated pout. And then he smiled. "You really did a number on me, Yuy," he said. "I'm still dead on my feet; I only slept --" he glanced at the clock -- "six hours, after what was it, ten?"

"Not ten straight," Heero corrected him with scrupulous honesty. "You rested for some time in between."

Duo snorted. "Oh yeah, I forgot, your midnight ‘break.' A two-hour nap is *not* enough recovery time, Heero."

"I actually meant the second time." At Duo's confused look, Heero gave a quiet laugh. "I guess you don't remember that? You were out of it for nearly half an hour."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Whoa." Uneasily, Duo processed the new information. "I don't remember that at all..." He frowned; he didn't like having blank spots in his memory. He wasn't comfortable knowing that anything could have happened to him, and he wouldn't have known."

"Don't worry about it," Heero said softly, and Duo blinked at him. He smiled softly. "I watched over you."

"Yeah..." Duo didn't try saying anything more, in case the tightness of his throat gave him away.

Eventually they ran out of breakfast, and the small talk faded away. Sensing something was near, Heero moved the tray from the bed to the floor, took a deep breath, and looked up.

Duo was looking at him intently, expression serious, all laughter -- whether real or assumed -- now gone. "Don't you ever," he said, his voice low and intense, "pull something like that on me again. All right, Heero? I trust you. And yes, that means I trust you with my life and I trust you not to hurt me, but that also's supposed to mean I trust you not to pull shit like this on me."

Heero looked away, guilt pulling him down. "I asked you if you wanted to stop," he muttered. "I asked if it was okay. I would have stopped if you said no."

"I know." Duo touched him, briefly letting his hand rest on Heero's arm before pulling it away. "I know you would've, and that's why I'm not a hell of a lot madder than I am now. But if I hadn't wanted it, even if you stopped right then, then that still would have been too far. Drugging me, taking off my clothes and tying me to the bed? And then asking permission? What the hell, Heero? It's not that I didn't enjoy it --" a blush suffused his cheeks, but he forged onwards. "--maybe I'd even want to do it again. SOMEday. But next time, ask me first, okay? THEN go on with the drugging and the stripping and..." He trailed off, the blush heating.

Heero nodded vigorously. "I will. I promise." He didn't say that he thought if he had asked first, that Duo's nervousness and insecurity would have led him to refuse, that he'd wanted to get what would be the hard part over with, and not force Duo to have to choose to do that. He'd done it to break past a barrier that had formed between them, and he wasn't sorry for that, but he was sorry if he'd hurt Duo at all in the process.

"Okay then." Duo sat back, and smiled. "I love you, Heero. I really do. And I guess --" he paused, then laughed. "I guess it's finally gotten through my thick head that you love me too?" Despite that, his voice ended on a hopeful note, and he looked up to see Heero nodding with almost comic enthusiasm. He had to laugh. "Yeah, I thought so. I guess it'll just take me a little while to accept that we both make mistakes and that's okay."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Whoa." Uneasily, Duo processed the new information. "I don't remember that at all..." He frowned; he didn't like having blank spots in his memory. He wasn't comfortable knowing that anything could have happened to him, and he wouldn't have known."

"Don't worry about it," Heero said softly, and Duo blinked at him. He smiled softly. "I watched over you."

"Yeah..." Duo didn't try saying anything more, in case the tightness of his throat gave him away.

Eventually they ran out of breakfast, and the small talk faded away. Sensing something was near, Heero moved the tray from the bed to the floor, took a deep breath, and looked up.

Duo was looking at him intently, expression serious, all laughter -- whether real or assumed -- now gone. "Don't you ever," he said, his voice low and intense, "pull something like that on me again. All right, Heero? I trust you. And yes, that means I trust you with my life and I trust you not to hurt me, but that also's supposed to mean I trust you not to pull shit like this on me."

Heero looked away, guilt pulling him down. "I asked you if you wanted to stop," he muttered. "I asked if it was okay. I would have stopped if you said no."

"I know." Duo touched him, briefly letting his hand rest on Heero's arm before pulling it away. "I know you would've, and that's why I'm not a hell of a lot madder than I am now. But if I hadn't wanted it, even if you stopped right then, then that still would have been too far. Drugging me, taking off my clothes and tying me to the bed? And then asking permission? What the hell, Heero? It's not that I didn't enjoy it --" a blush suffused his cheeks, but he forged onwards. "--maybe I'd even want to do it again. SOMEday. But next time, ask me first, okay? THEN go on with the drugging and the stripping and..." He trailed off, the blush heating.

Heero nodded vigorously. "I will. I promise." He didn't say that he thought if he had asked first, that Duo's nervousness and insecurity would have led him to refuse, that he'd wanted to get what would be the hard part over with, and not force Duo to have to choose to do that. He'd done it to break past a barrier that had formed between them, and he wasn't sorry for that, but he was sorry if he'd hurt Duo at all in the process.

"Okay then." Duo sat back, and smiled. "I love you, Heero. I really do. And I guess --" he paused, then laughed. "I guess it's finally gotten through my thick head that you love me too?" Despite that, his voice ended on a hopeful note, and he looked up to see Heero nodding with almost comic enthusiasm. He had to laugh. "Yeah, I thought so. I guess it'll just take me a little while to accept that we both make mistakes and that's okay."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"It is." Heero hesitated, worrying his next words over in his mind. He hoped he wasn't moving too fast, but -- "And you have to accept that I won't walk out on you just because you've made a mistake, or because you've called me on one of mine. If you trust me with your life, can't you trust me with that?" he said earnestly.

Duo had turned a little pale, and he twisted the sheets in his lap for a bit before answering. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess so," he said quietly, speaking to his hands.

"Good." After a moment, Heero got up from the bed, and began pacing around the bedroom. He didn't normally pace, but he was filled with the jitters of uncertainty. Duo watched him, not speaking, knowing that his lover still had something more he wanted to say and waiting for him to work around to it.

At last, Heero turned to face Duo. "Look, I've been doing some thinking," he finally blurted out, "and I don't really think you're happy here. Please wait, hear me out," he said quickly as Duo's expression grew closed, but he knew by that reaction that he'd hit a nerve.

"I know that this is your home, that I'm a newcomer and an intruder in your life, but... I don't know. During the war, even when you spoke of going back to space, you never said you wanted to come back here. I know your life here was... hard..." He met Duo's stricken gaze, and had to force himself to continue. "I know that a lot of the... nightmares... you had, come from this place. That's why it surprised me when you came back to L2 after the war."

"Where else would I go?" Duo asked very softly, not meeting Heero's eyes. "This is my home, Heero. Happy or not, this is where I grew up."

Heero made an uncertain, impatient gesture. "It was your home. You grew up here, but nobody ever said you have to stay in the same place all your life. You're not a child any more, Duo. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want. And I don't think you want to be here."

"Why do you say that?" Duo said in the same very quiet voice.

"Because it's true," Heero said, his determination increasing as he remembered all the reasons he'd found. "You haven't made friends with any of the neighbors. Of course, you know even better than I why that is, and I've heard the way you talk about the street gangs here. You don't socialize with the shopkeepers, you don't go into any stores that you couldn't find anywhere in the Earth sphere. You hardly leave this apartment except to buy food and go to work."

His voice firmed, confidence rising as he went on. "You don't even socialize with your co-workers -- and your job! Why are you working at a run-down second-hand salvage store? You have the skills to be a pilot, a mechanic, hell, a rocket engineer if you wanted! And if it's salvage that you love, then why not go back to the Sweepers? They'd welcome you back with open arms.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Tell me, Duo, is there anything on this colony that you cherish? Anything that you like for more reason than ‘it isn't so bad?' It isn't, I'll grant you that, it isn't so bad. But it isn't so great, either. Why are you making do with less than you could have? Why are you settling for less than you deserve?"

He ran down, then, and wished he had run down earlier. Duo, face blank, was staring out the colony window. His hands were tight in his lap. Heero felt panic threatening to take him over, but he pushed it back, forging on with his speech. "You asked where else you could go. How about this. Move to L1. Start over there, no bad memories, no past obligations. They're underemployed right now, you could get a job anywhere, doing anything you wanted. And... if you wanted..."

Heero took a deep breath. His heart was accelerating, his hands shaking as he approached this last. "If... if you wanted... I can find an apartment... and you could come and live with me... permanently."

There. Done. It was said. Heero's vision went almost white for a moment, before he got his shaking body under control. He swallowed, and looked over at Duo, trying to see how his lover would take it.

At least he wasn't torturing the sheet any more, and his face had some expression. But it wasn't the expression Heero wanted; he looked pinched and worried, as though torn between two enormous pressures. "Heero..." he started, then stopped. He sighed. "Heero, look, I appreciate everything you just said, and I... but... but... can I have a little while alone to think? That's an awfully big decision, and I just want a little bit... to think about it, ‘k?"

Heero swallowed, against the sinking sensation of dread, and nodded. "I'll just... move out... to the other room."

With shaking hands, he picked up the tray and dishes, and forced a calmness on his expression that he didn't really feel.

Out in the living room/kitchen, he dropped the tray onto the counter, then went and sank onto the couch. It was foolish of him, he supposed, to think that Duo would immediately jump on his offer. After all that he'd hurt the other boy, what made him think that Duo would ever want to marry him?

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo sat in the bedroom, and stared out at the artifical colony sunlight. Completely by accident, Heero had touched on the very center of everything, brought out old wounds and fears that Duo had buried so deep he thought he'd forgotten about them.

Or maybe it wasn't such an accident. Duo's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. Heero was damn smart. He'd seen something was bothering Duo, and he wouldn't stop until he discovered what it was. Figures that he'd see so much deeper than Duo ever meant him to.

Leave. The word haunted him. Leave L2. The thought-concept had been a part of his life ever since he was a small child. When he was young, he'd had another name for it, escape.

But then he'd grown up, and with eyes made old by the pain of experience, he knew that it was impossible. Oh, certainly he could leave the colony. Physical barriers were easily breached, after all. But he could never leave it behind. L2 would always be in him, a part of him, surrounding him somehow. As long as he was Duo Maxwell, he would always be the street rat from L2.

"A fresh start," he whispered. "...if only there were such things."

Leave behind the lessons of the scavenger, hunting for scraps to build his life with, and maybe... build something new? It was such an alien concept to him; obviously not so to Heero. Could he do it? Could he really leave behind, not just L2, but every painful lesson it had taught him, and start over? Maybe. With Heero by his side, helping him, maybe he could. But what if Heero didn't stay? What if they got to L1, and then Heero finally realized how much he was wasting on Duo, and went his own way? Could Duo keep on going if that was the case? He wasn't sure.

Did he want to go live with Heero -- of course he wanted to. He'd never in his life been happier than these last few months, with Heero by his side. Escaping the slums, escaping L2, starting over with a chance to build a new, beautiful life for himself -- there had been times in his life when he wanted that dream more than breathing. And with Heero in it, the dream only seemed twice as enticing. But dreams like that weren't for street rats. They weren't for scavengers. They weren't for people like him.

The question was not whether he wanted to or not. But if he did, then would there be anything of himself afterwards -- of Duo Maxwell, street rat, thief extraordinaire...

...Gundam Pilot?

Yes. The sunlight slipped in through the window, and Duo closed his eyes against it. By an act of will, he had made himself Shinigami. That had been real, not pretend. If he had remade himself once, then surely he could do it again.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo sat in the bedroom, and stared out at the artifical colony sunlight. Completely by accident, Heero had touched on the very center of everything, brought out old wounds and fears that Duo had buried so deep he thought he'd forgotten about them.

Or maybe it wasn't such an accident. Duo's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. Heero was damn smart. He'd seen something was bothering Duo, and he wouldn't stop until he discovered what it was. Figures that he'd see so much deeper than Duo ever meant him to.

Leave. The word haunted him. Leave L2. The thought-concept had been a part of his life ever since he was a small child. When he was young, he'd had another name for it, escape.

But then he'd grown up, and with eyes made old by the pain of experience, he knew that it was impossible. Oh, certainly he could leave the colony. Physical barriers were easily breached, after all. But he could never leave it behind. L2 would always be in him, a part of him, surrounding him somehow. As long as he was Duo Maxwell, he would always be the street rat from L2.

"A fresh start," he whispered. "...if only there were such things."

Leave behind the lessons of the scavenger, hunting for scraps to build his life with, and maybe... build something new? It was such an alien concept to him; obviously not so to Heero. Could he do it? Could he really leave behind, not just L2, but every painful lesson it had taught him, and start over? Maybe. With Heero by his side, helping him, maybe he could. But what if Heero didn't stay? What if they got to L1, and then Heero finally realized how much he was wasting on Duo, and went his own way? Could Duo keep on going if that was the case? He wasn't sure.

Did he want to go live with Heero -- of course he wanted to. He'd never in his life been happier than these last few months, with Heero by his side. Escaping the slums, escaping L2, starting over with a chance to build a new, beautiful life for himself -- there had been times in his life when he wanted that dream more than breathing. And with Heero in it, the dream only seemed twice as enticing. But dreams like that weren't for street rats. They weren't for scavengers. They weren't for people like him.

The question was not whether he wanted to or not. But if he did, then would there be anything of himself afterwards -- of Duo Maxwell, street rat, thief extraordinaire...

...Gundam Pilot?

Yes. The sunlight slipped in through the window, and Duo closed his eyes against it. By an act of will, he had made himself Shinigami. That had been real, not pretend. If he had remade himself once, then surely he could do it again.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

It had been almost an hour. Heero hadn't moved from his place, hands clasped, staring at the stained carpet. Uncertainty was giving way to despair.

Why would Duo Maxwell want him? He'd caused his lover more pain than could reasonably be forgiven. He'd made so many mistakes. But Heero didn't care; he just wanted Duo in his life. L1, Earth, L2, hell, it was all the same to him -- just so long as Duo wanted him there. Wanted him in his life and, hopefully, in his bed, for the rest of their lives together.

Now, Heero was not so certain that Duo did. Maybe Duo wasn't ready for marriage. He was young, after all -- he had so many opportunities still before him. Why should he rush into such a huge committment when he had the rest of his life to make such decisions?

He should have waited, Heero decided wretchedly. He knew what would happen. Duo would come out, and he would say no, he wasn't ready for a permanent arrangement, but that he still wanted to be friends. Or maybe even that he was willing to continue living together, for now. Maybe that he would even consider marriage someday in the far-off future. Heero knew, though, with an agonizing certainty, that he would never come up with the courage to propose again.

Finally, the latch clicked, and Heero's head came up as Duo emerged from the bedroom. He looked pale and wan, much like Heero himself felt, but he offered him a tentative smile as he came and seated himself on the couch.

"I had to think about it," Duo said, and then took a deep breath. "There were some old issues I had to work out in my head, first, before I could move on. But I've made up my mind. I want to go with you back to L1."

There was a moment of stillness, and then Heero erupted. He jumped to his feet, all his doubt and depression washed away in an instant. "Duo!" he exclaimed joyfully, hardly able to think of anything else to say. It took him a moment to find his voice, and then he was practically on top of his lover, hugging him and smiling until he thought his face would crack. "Thank you, so much! You have no idea how happy you've made me... Duo, I swear to you you won't regret this..."

Stunned, Duo brought up his hands and tentatively hugged Heero back. "Wow... heh... Heero..." he started. "I had no idea you felt so strongly..."

"Felt so strongly?" Heero said indignantly, pushing back to look Duo in the face. "How could I not? Duo, the person I love more than anything else in life, has just agreed to marry me, what do you expect me to --"

"Whoa!" Duo yelped, stiffening up in a flash. "Wait, wait, wait. Back up a minute!"

Heero regarded Duo's suddenly-wide eyes, puzzled. "Back up to what?"

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo stuttered for a moment, bereft of speech, before he managed to splutter out. "M... marry you?"

"Well, yes," Heero said, a hint of doubt creeping back into his voice. "What did you think I meant when I asked you to come live with me for always?"

"Heero... you... you..." Duo's mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

"I thought you understood..." Heero pulled back a little, uncertain that his proposal might now be rejected. "When you said..."

There was a swift blur of motion, and then Heero found himself on his back on the floor, with Duo Maxwell straddling him, violet eyes, ablaze.

"Heero Yuy, you idiot!" Duo snarled furiously. "If you wanted me to marry you why didn't you just come out and say so?"

Stunned, it took Heero a moment to find his voice. "But... you don't want..."

"You dumbass! Of course I want! I've never wanted anything more in my life! Of course, I want to marry you! Why didn't you just ask me, instead of dancing around the subject?"

Heero frowned. He'd thought it was a perfectly acceptable way to ask. "What should I have said?"

Duo leaned over him, glaring. "You were supposed get down on your knee," he said, "take my hand, and say, ‘Duo Maxwell, will you marry me?' "

"Oh," Heero said. He thought his way was better; maybe it was an American thing. "Well, if you'll let me up, I can try again."

Duo grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position with a speed that left him dizzy. With a little effort, he managed to get up on one knee, and then took Duo's hand. It was practically vibrating with tension. "Duo Maxwell," he said a bit awkwardly, "will you marry me?"

"Fuck yeah!" Duo glomped on him enthusastically. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you to ask me that? I would have said yes right away, instead of making you wait!"

"Oh?" Heero cocked his head to the side. "I thought you had some old issues you needed to work out before you could move on..."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo stuttered for a moment, bereft of speech, before he managed to splutter out. "M... marry you?"

"Well, yes," Heero said, a hint of doubt creeping back into his voice. "What did you think I meant when I asked you to come live with me for always?"

"Heero... you... you..." Duo's mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

"I thought you understood..." Heero pulled back a little, uncertain that his proposal might now be rejected. "When you said..."

There was a swift blur of motion, and then Heero found himself on his back on the floor, with Duo Maxwell straddling him, violet eyes, ablaze.

"Heero Yuy, you idiot!" Duo snarled furiously. "If you wanted me to marry you why didn't you just come out and say so?"

Stunned, it took Heero a moment to find his voice. "But... you don't want..."

"You dumbass! Of course I want! I've never wanted anything more in my life! Of course, I want to marry you! Why didn't you just ask me, instead of dancing around the subject?"

Heero frowned. He'd thought it was a perfectly acceptable way to ask. "What should I have said?"

Duo leaned over him, glaring. "You were supposed get down on your knee," he said, "take my hand, and say, ‘Duo Maxwell, will you marry me?' "

"Oh," Heero said. He thought his way was better; maybe it was an American thing. "Well, if you'll let me up, I can try again."

Duo grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position with a speed that left him dizzy. With a little effort, he managed to get up on one knee, and then took Duo's hand. It was practically vibrating with tension. "Duo Maxwell," he said a bit awkwardly, "will you marry me?"

"Fuck yeah!" Duo glomped on him enthusastically. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you to ask me that? I would have said yes right away, instead of making you wait!"

"Oh?" Heero cocked his head to the side. "I thought you had some old issues you needed to work out before you could move on..."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"That's --" That's different, he was about to say, before he cut himself off, and sucked in a breath. Was it really different? In the end, the hard questions he'd had to face would have been the same, whether he was going to be Heero's roommate, or his husband. He would still have needed to make that choice, to put his old ghosts at rest. The thought confused him.

As if reading his mind, Heero said, "Do you mean that if I had asked your way first, you would have said yes without thinking about the consequences, just because I said the right code phrase?"

Duo blinked at him. It didn't really make sense, now that he thought about it.

Heero read his face, then snorted. "Hn. I think my way WAS better, after all."

Duo shrugged helplessly, then giggled with the relief of tension. His head was swimming with delirious happiness, and he didn't think that he could stop smiling if he tried.

"Well," Heero went on, ignoring his boyfriend's -- fiancee's -- lack of coherance. "Since you've said yes, then I guess I can give you this now."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a fine silver chain. Strung on it were two rings, shining nearly white under the artificial lights. He tumbled them into his palm, then glanced up into Duo's face. "I thought it would be appropriate," he said quietly.

Duo had been wrong; his smile was gone, just like that. He swallowed hard, breathing deeply as he took hold of the chain with a shaking hand. The metal was warm from Heero's pocket. Then, slowly, he looked up at his lover's face. Heero was sitting cross-legged on the floor, in jeans and a ratty t-shirt. His face was slightly smudged with dirt. The rings were plain, without decoration, and they were silver, not gold. This moment was nothing like he'd dreamed it would be.

He leaned forward suddenly, and with a hand cupping the back of Heero's head, captured him there. Clenching the chain in his fist, he dove forward and kissed Heero, trying to put everything he felt into it, that he couldn't put into words.

He didn't need dreams any more, Duo thought. He had Heero.