Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Tell me, Duo, is there anything on this colony that you cherish? Anything that you like for more reason than ‘it isn't so bad?' It isn't, I'll grant you that, it isn't so bad. But it isn't so great, either. Why are you making do with less than you could have? Why are you settling for less than you deserve?"

He ran down, then, and wished he had run down earlier. Duo, face blank, was staring out the colony window. His hands were tight in his lap. Heero felt panic threatening to take him over, but he pushed it back, forging on with his speech. "You asked where else you could go. How about this. Move to L1. Start over there, no bad memories, no past obligations. They're underemployed right now, you could get a job anywhere, doing anything you wanted. And... if you wanted..."

Heero took a deep breath. His heart was accelerating, his hands shaking as he approached this last. "If... if you wanted... I can find an apartment... and you could come and live with me... permanently."

There. Done. It was said. Heero's vision went almost white for a moment, before he got his shaking body under control. He swallowed, and looked over at Duo, trying to see how his lover would take it.

At least he wasn't torturing the sheet any more, and his face had some expression. But it wasn't the expression Heero wanted; he looked pinched and worried, as though torn between two enormous pressures. "Heero..." he started, then stopped. He sighed. "Heero, look, I appreciate everything you just said, and I... but... but... can I have a little while alone to think? That's an awfully big decision, and I just want a little bit... to think about it, ‘k?"

Heero swallowed, against the sinking sensation of dread, and nodded. "I'll just... move out... to the other room."

With shaking hands, he picked up the tray and dishes, and forced a calmness on his expression that he didn't really feel.

Out in the living room/kitchen, he dropped the tray onto the counter, then went and sank onto the couch. It was foolish of him, he supposed, to think that Duo would immediately jump on his offer. After all that he'd hurt the other boy, what made him think that Duo would ever want to marry him?

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo sat in the bedroom, and stared out at the artifical colony sunlight. Completely by accident, Heero had touched on the very center of everything, brought out old wounds and fears that Duo had buried so deep he thought he'd forgotten about them.

Or maybe it wasn't such an accident. Duo's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. Heero was damn smart. He'd seen something was bothering Duo, and he wouldn't stop until he discovered what it was. Figures that he'd see so much deeper than Duo ever meant him to.

Leave. The word haunted him. Leave L2. The thought-concept had been a part of his life ever since he was a small child. When he was young, he'd had another name for it, escape.

But then he'd grown up, and with eyes made old by the pain of experience, he knew that it was impossible. Oh, certainly he could leave the colony. Physical barriers were easily breached, after all. But he could never leave it behind. L2 would always be in him, a part of him, surrounding him somehow. As long as he was Duo Maxwell, he would always be the street rat from L2.

"A fresh start," he whispered. "...if only there were such things."

Leave behind the lessons of the scavenger, hunting for scraps to build his life with, and maybe... build something new? It was such an alien concept to him; obviously not so to Heero. Could he do it? Could he really leave behind, not just L2, but every painful lesson it had taught him, and start over? Maybe. With Heero by his side, helping him, maybe he could. But what if Heero didn't stay? What if they got to L1, and then Heero finally realized how much he was wasting on Duo, and went his own way? Could Duo keep on going if that was the case? He wasn't sure.

Did he want to go live with Heero -- of course he wanted to. He'd never in his life been happier than these last few months, with Heero by his side. Escaping the slums, escaping L2, starting over with a chance to build a new, beautiful life for himself -- there had been times in his life when he wanted that dream more than breathing. And with Heero in it, the dream only seemed twice as enticing. But dreams like that weren't for street rats. They weren't for scavengers. They weren't for people like him.

The question was not whether he wanted to or not. But if he did, then would there be anything of himself afterwards -- of Duo Maxwell, street rat, thief extraordinaire...

...Gundam Pilot?

Yes. The sunlight slipped in through the window, and Duo closed his eyes against it. By an act of will, he had made himself Shinigami. That had been real, not pretend. If he had remade himself once, then surely he could do it again.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo sat in the bedroom, and stared out at the artifical colony sunlight. Completely by accident, Heero had touched on the very center of everything, brought out old wounds and fears that Duo had buried so deep he thought he'd forgotten about them.

Or maybe it wasn't such an accident. Duo's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. Heero was damn smart. He'd seen something was bothering Duo, and he wouldn't stop until he discovered what it was. Figures that he'd see so much deeper than Duo ever meant him to.

Leave. The word haunted him. Leave L2. The thought-concept had been a part of his life ever since he was a small child. When he was young, he'd had another name for it, escape.

But then he'd grown up, and with eyes made old by the pain of experience, he knew that it was impossible. Oh, certainly he could leave the colony. Physical barriers were easily breached, after all. But he could never leave it behind. L2 would always be in him, a part of him, surrounding him somehow. As long as he was Duo Maxwell, he would always be the street rat from L2.

"A fresh start," he whispered. "...if only there were such things."

Leave behind the lessons of the scavenger, hunting for scraps to build his life with, and maybe... build something new? It was such an alien concept to him; obviously not so to Heero. Could he do it? Could he really leave behind, not just L2, but every painful lesson it had taught him, and start over? Maybe. With Heero by his side, helping him, maybe he could. But what if Heero didn't stay? What if they got to L1, and then Heero finally realized how much he was wasting on Duo, and went his own way? Could Duo keep on going if that was the case? He wasn't sure.

Did he want to go live with Heero -- of course he wanted to. He'd never in his life been happier than these last few months, with Heero by his side. Escaping the slums, escaping L2, starting over with a chance to build a new, beautiful life for himself -- there had been times in his life when he wanted that dream more than breathing. And with Heero in it, the dream only seemed twice as enticing. But dreams like that weren't for street rats. They weren't for scavengers. They weren't for people like him.

The question was not whether he wanted to or not. But if he did, then would there be anything of himself afterwards -- of Duo Maxwell, street rat, thief extraordinaire...

...Gundam Pilot?

Yes. The sunlight slipped in through the window, and Duo closed his eyes against it. By an act of will, he had made himself Shinigami. That had been real, not pretend. If he had remade himself once, then surely he could do it again.

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

It had been almost an hour. Heero hadn't moved from his place, hands clasped, staring at the stained carpet. Uncertainty was giving way to despair.

Why would Duo Maxwell want him? He'd caused his lover more pain than could reasonably be forgiven. He'd made so many mistakes. But Heero didn't care; he just wanted Duo in his life. L1, Earth, L2, hell, it was all the same to him -- just so long as Duo wanted him there. Wanted him in his life and, hopefully, in his bed, for the rest of their lives together.

Now, Heero was not so certain that Duo did. Maybe Duo wasn't ready for marriage. He was young, after all -- he had so many opportunities still before him. Why should he rush into such a huge committment when he had the rest of his life to make such decisions?

He should have waited, Heero decided wretchedly. He knew what would happen. Duo would come out, and he would say no, he wasn't ready for a permanent arrangement, but that he still wanted to be friends. Or maybe even that he was willing to continue living together, for now. Maybe that he would even consider marriage someday in the far-off future. Heero knew, though, with an agonizing certainty, that he would never come up with the courage to propose again.

Finally, the latch clicked, and Heero's head came up as Duo emerged from the bedroom. He looked pale and wan, much like Heero himself felt, but he offered him a tentative smile as he came and seated himself on the couch.

"I had to think about it," Duo said, and then took a deep breath. "There were some old issues I had to work out in my head, first, before I could move on. But I've made up my mind. I want to go with you back to L1."

There was a moment of stillness, and then Heero erupted. He jumped to his feet, all his doubt and depression washed away in an instant. "Duo!" he exclaimed joyfully, hardly able to think of anything else to say. It took him a moment to find his voice, and then he was practically on top of his lover, hugging him and smiling until he thought his face would crack. "Thank you, so much! You have no idea how happy you've made me... Duo, I swear to you you won't regret this..."

Stunned, Duo brought up his hands and tentatively hugged Heero back. "Wow... heh... Heero..." he started. "I had no idea you felt so strongly..."

"Felt so strongly?" Heero said indignantly, pushing back to look Duo in the face. "How could I not? Duo, the person I love more than anything else in life, has just agreed to marry me, what do you expect me to --"

"Whoa!" Duo yelped, stiffening up in a flash. "Wait, wait, wait. Back up a minute!"

Heero regarded Duo's suddenly-wide eyes, puzzled. "Back up to what?"

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo stuttered for a moment, bereft of speech, before he managed to splutter out. "M... marry you?"

"Well, yes," Heero said, a hint of doubt creeping back into his voice. "What did you think I meant when I asked you to come live with me for always?"

"Heero... you... you..." Duo's mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

"I thought you understood..." Heero pulled back a little, uncertain that his proposal might now be rejected. "When you said..."

There was a swift blur of motion, and then Heero found himself on his back on the floor, with Duo Maxwell straddling him, violet eyes, ablaze.

"Heero Yuy, you idiot!" Duo snarled furiously. "If you wanted me to marry you why didn't you just come out and say so?"

Stunned, it took Heero a moment to find his voice. "But... you don't want..."

"You dumbass! Of course I want! I've never wanted anything more in my life! Of course, I want to marry you! Why didn't you just ask me, instead of dancing around the subject?"

Heero frowned. He'd thought it was a perfectly acceptable way to ask. "What should I have said?"

Duo leaned over him, glaring. "You were supposed get down on your knee," he said, "take my hand, and say, ‘Duo Maxwell, will you marry me?' "

"Oh," Heero said. He thought his way was better; maybe it was an American thing. "Well, if you'll let me up, I can try again."

Duo grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position with a speed that left him dizzy. With a little effort, he managed to get up on one knee, and then took Duo's hand. It was practically vibrating with tension. "Duo Maxwell," he said a bit awkwardly, "will you marry me?"

"Fuck yeah!" Duo glomped on him enthusastically. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you to ask me that? I would have said yes right away, instead of making you wait!"

"Oh?" Heero cocked his head to the side. "I thought you had some old issues you needed to work out before you could move on..."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo stuttered for a moment, bereft of speech, before he managed to splutter out. "M... marry you?"

"Well, yes," Heero said, a hint of doubt creeping back into his voice. "What did you think I meant when I asked you to come live with me for always?"

"Heero... you... you..." Duo's mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

"I thought you understood..." Heero pulled back a little, uncertain that his proposal might now be rejected. "When you said..."

There was a swift blur of motion, and then Heero found himself on his back on the floor, with Duo Maxwell straddling him, violet eyes, ablaze.

"Heero Yuy, you idiot!" Duo snarled furiously. "If you wanted me to marry you why didn't you just come out and say so?"

Stunned, it took Heero a moment to find his voice. "But... you don't want..."

"You dumbass! Of course I want! I've never wanted anything more in my life! Of course, I want to marry you! Why didn't you just ask me, instead of dancing around the subject?"

Heero frowned. He'd thought it was a perfectly acceptable way to ask. "What should I have said?"

Duo leaned over him, glaring. "You were supposed get down on your knee," he said, "take my hand, and say, ‘Duo Maxwell, will you marry me?' "

"Oh," Heero said. He thought his way was better; maybe it was an American thing. "Well, if you'll let me up, I can try again."

Duo grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position with a speed that left him dizzy. With a little effort, he managed to get up on one knee, and then took Duo's hand. It was practically vibrating with tension. "Duo Maxwell," he said a bit awkwardly, "will you marry me?"

"Fuck yeah!" Duo glomped on him enthusastically. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you to ask me that? I would have said yes right away, instead of making you wait!"

"Oh?" Heero cocked his head to the side. "I thought you had some old issues you needed to work out before you could move on..."

Re: Destination

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"That's --" That's different, he was about to say, before he cut himself off, and sucked in a breath. Was it really different? In the end, the hard questions he'd had to face would have been the same, whether he was going to be Heero's roommate, or his husband. He would still have needed to make that choice, to put his old ghosts at rest. The thought confused him.

As if reading his mind, Heero said, "Do you mean that if I had asked your way first, you would have said yes without thinking about the consequences, just because I said the right code phrase?"

Duo blinked at him. It didn't really make sense, now that he thought about it.

Heero read his face, then snorted. "Hn. I think my way WAS better, after all."

Duo shrugged helplessly, then giggled with the relief of tension. His head was swimming with delirious happiness, and he didn't think that he could stop smiling if he tried.

"Well," Heero went on, ignoring his boyfriend's -- fiancee's -- lack of coherance. "Since you've said yes, then I guess I can give you this now."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a fine silver chain. Strung on it were two rings, shining nearly white under the artificial lights. He tumbled them into his palm, then glanced up into Duo's face. "I thought it would be appropriate," he said quietly.

Duo had been wrong; his smile was gone, just like that. He swallowed hard, breathing deeply as he took hold of the chain with a shaking hand. The metal was warm from Heero's pocket. Then, slowly, he looked up at his lover's face. Heero was sitting cross-legged on the floor, in jeans and a ratty t-shirt. His face was slightly smudged with dirt. The rings were plain, without decoration, and they were silver, not gold. This moment was nothing like he'd dreamed it would be.

He leaned forward suddenly, and with a hand cupping the back of Heero's head, captured him there. Clenching the chain in his fist, he dove forward and kissed Heero, trying to put everything he felt into it, that he couldn't put into words.

He didn't need dreams any more, Duo thought. He had Heero.