Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Duo was at work today, leaving Heero at home with little to do but think. And clean. Although the apartment was livable by now, a far cry from the disaster area it had been when Heero first arrived, at least the motions of tidying and cleaning gave Heero some distraction, some semblance of control. Because nothing else, it seemed, was going right. It was a nagging feeling of wrongness that was almost beyond Heero to sense, lying just in the realm of emotions that was still so alien to him some of the time.

Duo's not happy.

Of this, Heero was almost certain. He took a long time to see, because the symptoms lay not in things that Duo had done, but in the things he didn't do. That he had stopped going out for walks, preferring instead to stay all day at home. That he had stopped watching his favorite television shows, stopped renting videos from the anime store. That he'd stopped playing the music Heero knew he loved. That he didn't dance around the apartment in his underwear singing when he thought nobody was watching. That even though there was always a grin on his face, he didn't laugh any more.

It had taken Heero quite a while to see this negative space -- it wasn't his area of expertise -- but now he was certain. His lover, his koi was unhappy; now all the Perfect Soldier had to do was figure out why. He had started to pay more attention to Duo's chatter, hoping the braided man would drop some clues -- but all he had discovered was that for all his ceaseless talk, Duo very rarely, if ever, talked about himself or his own feelings. Heero didn't know how to broach the subject, and he didn't know how to cheer Duo up. A few times he had tried to surprise Duo with gifts. He knew that he loved it when Duo gave him things; it gave him a warm, cared-for feeling, that Duo had thought of him enough to give him a present. But just like before, Duo had responded to the gifts unenthusiastically at best.

Heero simply could not figure it out. So all he could do, was to devote his energy to cleaning, as if by setting the living space in order he could so organize his life. He had pushed the old, ratty couch to the side, in order to vacuum underneath it; a sudden crackle of plastic underneath his feet distracted him. Heero bent down, and picked up the clear cellophane wrapper.

He recognized it immediately, and the very sight of it was enough to send a wave of annoyance through him. There was a certain kind of snack food that Duo loved, that came in plastic packaging just like this. Duo bought the treat in vast quantities, and the discarded wrappers tended to follow him around the apartment. They showed up all over the place; in the bathroom, on the couch, even in bed. The last straw, in Heero's mind, was when one had shown up in his dinner. He'd complained about it, vocally, that Duo seemed incapable of picking up after himself.

And then... he'd stopped seeing them. This was the first one he'd seen in over a month. In fact, he couldn't recall seeing Duo buy one in months, either. But Duo was addicted to this junk food. Why would he suddenly stop buying it?

Why --

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

...It was really strange, somehow, that the littlest of things could snap it all into perspective. Heero slid down onto the couch, stunned. Because of him. Because Heero complained, Heero scolded, Heero constantly mocked him about his habits. About time wasted, spent on walks that accomplished nothing useful. About poor taste in videos, poor taste in music. And, to please Heero, Duo had stopped those parts of his life that gave him joy. Made himself miserable, in an attempt to make Heero happy.

Kami-sama! Who was the bigger idiot, Heero wondered miserably. Heero, for being so blind, or Duo, for trying to stop being the person Heero loved?

So. Heero had his answer. It was his fault, that Duo was unhappy. So what could he do about it? Confront Duo when he got home? Say, "Stop trying to make me happy, go back to being an annoying idiot." Definitely not. Suddenly, the frustration turned to anger; how dare Duo let this happen! He's the one who's supposed to understand feelings, not me! He claims he never lies, but he's been lying to me through silence for months now! Why?

This was all new, all alien to Heero. He needed time to analyze it, to think things through. Unfortunately, it was time that he didn't have. A key rattled in the lock for a moment before the door swung open, and Duo was home. "Tadai --"


He stopped. Looked at Heero, and the disordered state of the room. "Heero, what are you doing?" Duo said evenly. As though it weren't fairly obvious.

Heero looked at him expressionlessly. "Cleaning," he replied tersely.

Duo's mouth tightened, and he let the door swing shut as he yanked off his coat. He turned to put it on the door, but the peg was already occupied by the new jacket, the one Heero had bought for him, the one he never quite dared to wear. "I already cleaned," he said.

"But not well enough," he heard Heero say.

"Christ!" Duo threw the jacket across the room, onto the table. It collided with a glass from lunch, swept it onto the floor where it shattered. Through the red haze that filled his vision, Duo barely noticed. "Is anything ever well enough for you? Tell me, Heero! Is anything ever fucking good enough?"

"You broke a glass." Heero rose from the couch, as though he would go and clean it up right then.

"Fuck that," Duo growled. "It's cheap, Heero. I've got a dozen of them. I don't give a shit about it."

"You don't care about much," Heero commented icily. "Maybe if you had, you wouldn't have botched all your missions during the war."

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

With difficulty, Heero reined in his temper. He could read the signs. Duo had a bad day at work, and came home looking for a fight. It always went the same way. They would argue, Heero would turn to his laptop and work on it until Duo cooled off enough to apologize. He didn't want to fight right now. Instead, Heero turned away. Started towards his workspace, his cold sterile bubble that shut Duo out. Behind him, he heard Duo spit out a vicious curse as he realized what Heero was doing. In a moment Heero felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder, and spin him around to face one mightly pissed-off Duo. "You have no right to tell me I don't care," he snarled. "All you care about is that goddamn piece of shit computer of yours..."

"Shut up," Heero snapped at him, jerking his shoulder away from Duo's hand. "If you bothered to take care of your things, instead of letting them go to rust --"

"Damn it, Heero!" Duo exploded, hands clenching into fists. "It's just junk! Why can't you understand that? There're more important things in life than expensive furniture!"

"Maybe I'd think so," Heero retorted, "if I were accustomed to living in a landfill, but some of us have higher standards!"

Duo froze, and all the blood drained out of his face as he swayed on his feet -- as though Heero had struck him. It confused and unsettled Heero; he didn't think he'd said anything all that...

The realization of his own mistake hit him a moment later. Shit. Shit! He had not just said that to the child of L2's streets -- how could he have been so stupid? Frantically, he tried to think of some way to take it back, some way to undo his mistake. "Duo, I..."


"Fuck. You," Duo whispered, so visibly filled with rage that he shook with it. Abruptly he turned, and put his fist right through the plaster behind him. "Fine. I get it. I'm not stupid, ya know. I get it now. Nothin' I do is good enough for you. Nothin' here is good enough for you. So fuck you, Heero Yuy, fuck your training, fuck your precious laptop, fuck your perfect soldier ass, fuck your ideals and high standards and --"

He took a step towards Heero; Heero backed away. Duo stopped in his tracks, and his face twisted. "What's wrong, Yuy? You don't want this filthy little gutter rat putting his dirty hands on you? You never cared if I touched you before, why start now? Unless you find yourself too clean to fuck my ass all a sudden. I guess Relena isn't so --"

"Kisama --" Heero growled around clenched teeth. His own hand twitched, as though longing for the butt of his gun. Duo saw it, but instead of frightening him, it only served to make him angrier. "Don't talk about Relena, you don't have the right --"

"Oh, I think I get it now." Duo laughed, an ugly sound. "So the princess bitch is too pure and perfect to suck you off, so you come running to the worthless little bastard who was stupid enough to fall for your high and mighty act. You don't have human emotions, why would you give a shit what happens after you screw him and leave like the fucking coward you are --"

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

With difficulty, Heero reined in his temper. He could read the signs. Duo had a bad day at work, and came home looking for a fight. It always went the same way. They would argue, Heero would turn to his laptop and work on it until Duo cooled off enough to apologize. He didn't want to fight right now. Instead, Heero turned away. Started towards his workspace, his cold sterile bubble that shut Duo out. Behind him, he heard Duo spit out a vicious curse as he realized what Heero was doing. In a moment Heero felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder, and spin him around to face one mightly pissed-off Duo. "You have no right to tell me I don't care," he snarled. "All you care about is that goddamn piece of shit computer of yours..."

"Shut up," Heero snapped at him, jerking his shoulder away from Duo's hand. "If you bothered to take care of your things, instead of letting them go to rust --"

"Damn it, Heero!" Duo exploded, hands clenching into fists. "It's just junk! Why can't you understand that? There're more important things in life than expensive furniture!"

"Maybe I'd think so," Heero retorted, "if I were accustomed to living in a landfill, but some of us have higher standards!"

Duo froze, and all the blood drained out of his face as he swayed on his feet -- as though Heero had struck him. It confused and unsettled Heero; he didn't think he'd said anything all that...

The realization of his own mistake hit him a moment later. Shit. Shit! He had not just said that to the child of L2's streets -- how could he have been so stupid? Frantically, he tried to think of some way to take it back, some way to undo his mistake. "Duo, I..."


"Fuck. You," Duo whispered, so visibly filled with rage that he shook with it. Abruptly he turned, and put his fist right through the plaster behind him. "Fine. I get it. I'm not stupid, ya know. I get it now. Nothin' I do is good enough for you. Nothin' here is good enough for you. So fuck you, Heero Yuy, fuck your training, fuck your precious laptop, fuck your perfect soldier ass, fuck your ideals and high standards and --"

He took a step towards Heero; Heero backed away. Duo stopped in his tracks, and his face twisted. "What's wrong, Yuy? You don't want this filthy little gutter rat putting his dirty hands on you? You never cared if I touched you before, why start now? Unless you find yourself too clean to fuck my ass all a sudden. I guess Relena isn't so --"

"Kisama --" Heero growled around clenched teeth. His own hand twitched, as though longing for the butt of his gun. Duo saw it, but instead of frightening him, it only served to make him angrier. "Don't talk about Relena, you don't have the right --"

"Oh, I think I get it now." Duo laughed, an ugly sound. "So the princess bitch is too pure and perfect to suck you off, so you come running to the worthless little bastard who was stupid enough to fall for your high and mighty act. You don't have human emotions, why would you give a shit what happens after you screw him and leave like the fucking coward you are --"

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Stiffly, like an automaton, Heero moved forward. Duo tensed, ready to fight, but Heero just pushed past him, as though he wasn't even there and went to the door. Where his coat was. Duo wheeled about to follow him, snarling, as Heero yanked it on. "Running off to her again? Fine. Fuck off." The logical part of his brain said that his was what was needed, that Heero leave for a while, and give them both a chance to cool down. "Get out of here." After a little while, when they were both calmer, Heero would come back.

Wouldn't he?

"Get out of here! See if I..." That was the way it worked.

But Heero might not know how it worked. "...care, I don't care." He might not come back. Duo swallowed against sudden cold panic, that extinguished the fury. He had to force the angry words out of a mouth suddenly gone dry. "Get out of here and don't come back --"

What if Heero didn't come back? " -- I don't care..." He might not come back. After everything Duo had just said, he probably wouldn't ever come back. "...don't care if you..." He would never come back.

And Duo would be alone...

"...leave..." He heard the door open.

Again.

"WAIT!"


Heero had no clear idea of where he was going, only that it was necessary for him to leave the room before the argument came to blows. Although he knew he could hold his own against Duo in a fight, the other boy was furious enough that Heero might not be able to take Duo down without hurting him. And as angry as Heero was, he wasn't yet ready to cause his lover harm. So he donned his jacket with stiff, forceful motions, and tried to ignore the sick sensation welling in his stomach. He'd never seen Duo this angry before -- even during the war, he'd never seen this level of ugly hatred, of venomous fury. The Perfect Soldier had only the vaguest concept of the sudden tempest's cause, and even less idea of how to mend the breach.

All he could do was walk away, and hope that time and distance would be the answer. He wondered, if that would be enough to drain away Duo's anger, or if he'd ever be welcome in Duo's life again. And then he heard the anguished cry. "WAIT!"

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He stood frozen in his tracks, one hand on the doorframe and one foot hanging in midair; an instant later something impacted against his back. He stumbled forward a step, but arms encircled his chest and held him back from the doorway. Duo's face burrowed against his back, cheek pressing between his shoulder blades as the desperate torrent of babble issued from his mouth. "Don't go, Heero, please don't go! I'm sorry for what I said I swear I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! Please, Heero, please, I love you so much, just talk to me, just tell me what you want, I'll give it to you, I promise, anything, I'll be anything you want just tell me and I'll do it honest I swear just don't leave me!"

He was in an awkward position, off-balance, leaning heavily against Heero. All the dark-haired boy had to do was take a step forward to send him tumbling to the floor. Instead, Heero oh-so-carefully twisted around, and gathered Duo into his arms. The other boy's face left wet smears across the fabric of his jacket, and his speech trailed off into hitching breaths as Heero maneuvered them both back to the sofa.

He held Duo, gently stroking down the length of his braid, and felt tears of his own threaten. Was it really all that simple? Would it have been obvious to someone else, anyone else not so emotionally crippled as Heero Yuy? Shippai, ninmu shippai. He'd failed the only one he truly cared about. Duo clutched at him desperately, struggling against tears like a child who'd been abandoned too many times to count. Like a boy who had tried one last time, risking everything to put his trust in another, and lived in constant fear of being left alone.

"Duo," he whispered, burying his face in the thick part of the braid behind Duo's head. "Oh, Duo, koi, I'm sorry. I've been so blind."

Snatched fragments of speech filtered to his ears. "...not y'r fault... mine... always m' fault..."

"No!" Heero tightened his embrace about his lover. "It wasn't you, Duo, it was me. I don't know anything about relationships. It never even occurred to me that I was doing things wrong... hurting you. I've been... so stupid, letting you do all the work, letting you do everything."

Duo raised his face abruptly, butting his head against Heero's chin. "All I wanted... all I wanted was ta make you happy."

Heero placed a kiss, and then another, on the ruffled bangs. "You actually thought that I could be happy if you were miserable?" he wondered softly, sadly. "You really think that little of me?"

"No! I..." Duo stuttered, for once lost for words. "It's just... I'm... nothing I ever do is good enough!" he finally got out in a rush, burying his face again in Heero's chest.

"Baka, koi no baka," Heero said gently, making the insult into an endearment. "I fell in love with you, not some perfect ideal of a Duo that I... that I never met."

"But..." Duo protested, his voice faint. "You're just so... so strong, so brave, such a fantastic Gundam pilot and I'm nothing!" Abruptly, he pulled away from Heero, turning instead to hide his face in the couch.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He stood frozen in his tracks, one hand on the doorframe and one foot hanging in midair; an instant later something impacted against his back. He stumbled forward a step, but arms encircled his chest and held him back from the doorway. Duo's face burrowed against his back, cheek pressing between his shoulder blades as the desperate torrent of babble issued from his mouth. "Don't go, Heero, please don't go! I'm sorry for what I said I swear I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! Please, Heero, please, I love you so much, just talk to me, just tell me what you want, I'll give it to you, I promise, anything, I'll be anything you want just tell me and I'll do it honest I swear just don't leave me!"

He was in an awkward position, off-balance, leaning heavily against Heero. All the dark-haired boy had to do was take a step forward to send him tumbling to the floor. Instead, Heero oh-so-carefully twisted around, and gathered Duo into his arms. The other boy's face left wet smears across the fabric of his jacket, and his speech trailed off into hitching breaths as Heero maneuvered them both back to the sofa.

He held Duo, gently stroking down the length of his braid, and felt tears of his own threaten. Was it really all that simple? Would it have been obvious to someone else, anyone else not so emotionally crippled as Heero Yuy? Shippai, ninmu shippai. He'd failed the only one he truly cared about. Duo clutched at him desperately, struggling against tears like a child who'd been abandoned too many times to count. Like a boy who had tried one last time, risking everything to put his trust in another, and lived in constant fear of being left alone.

"Duo," he whispered, burying his face in the thick part of the braid behind Duo's head. "Oh, Duo, koi, I'm sorry. I've been so blind."

Snatched fragments of speech filtered to his ears. "...not y'r fault... mine... always m' fault..."

"No!" Heero tightened his embrace about his lover. "It wasn't you, Duo, it was me. I don't know anything about relationships. It never even occurred to me that I was doing things wrong... hurting you. I've been... so stupid, letting you do all the work, letting you do everything."

Duo raised his face abruptly, butting his head against Heero's chin. "All I wanted... all I wanted was ta make you happy."

Heero placed a kiss, and then another, on the ruffled bangs. "You actually thought that I could be happy if you were miserable?" he wondered softly, sadly. "You really think that little of me?"

"No! I..." Duo stuttered, for once lost for words. "It's just... I'm... nothing I ever do is good enough!" he finally got out in a rush, burying his face again in Heero's chest.

"Baka, koi no baka," Heero said gently, making the insult into an endearment. "I fell in love with you, not some perfect ideal of a Duo that I... that I never met."

"But..." Duo protested, his voice faint. "You're just so... so strong, so brave, such a fantastic Gundam pilot and I'm nothing!" Abruptly, he pulled away from Heero, turning instead to hide his face in the couch.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"You can't really believe that?" Dumbfounded, Heero's hand slowed, tangled in Duo's hair; Duo tensed, wiping his hand across his eyes, but his silence gave Heero his answer. "Duo, you're the best damn pilot I've ever met, you have to know that!"

"I wasn't fucking fishing for compliments, Yuy," Duo said sullenly. "You're the Perfect Soldier and what the hell am I?"

Heero sighed. "I was a better... soldier, yes. It's what I was made to be, for as far back into my youth as I can remember. But you're different. You weren't trained from childhood to pilot the Gundam -- everything you did was on pure talent, inborn skill. You were never a soldier like me, Duo. But I will never be the pilot you are." Duo stilled, underneath his soothing hand, so Heero went on talking. "Don't you remember... when OZ programmed the mobile dolls with Trowa's and my flight data? You fought them and you won. If you didn't care about human life, if you could turn off your emotions and turn yourself into a killer like... like me, then you could have taken any of the other pilots down."

"But I couldn't..." Duo's protests were running out of steam, but he took a deep breath and forced the last words out. "I botched my missions, over an' over again, because I couldn't stop c-caring." His breath hitched at the last word, and the tears threatened again.

"Hush," Heero soothed, pulling Duo back into his arms and rocking gently back and forth. "I know, Duo. You care so much, about everything. I know how much it hurts you that you can't fix everything in the world."

Duo stayed silent for a moment, struggling to regain control. When at last he'd regained shreds of his composure, he gave a quiet sigh and relaxed imperceptibly in Heero's arms. Heero relaxed, too, when he felt that; at least Duo wasn't trying to fight him any more. "You've got yourself one messed-up piece of work here, Yuy," Duo whispered. "I've got issues -- I thought I'd taken care of'em, but guess I was wrong."

"I know," Heero murmured. "But otherwise, you wouldn't be the person I love. I don't want you to change to please me. I don't want that you always feel like you have to entertain me, to put on a happy face. I don't need a palace, I don't need grand parties. I don't want Relena. I want Duo Maxwell. I want the brave soldier who's my partner in all things, who understands the nightmares and the pain. I want the beautiful vibrant boy who's seen at all but still can't stop caring, who loves life and lives it like I'll never, ever be able to."


In the end Duo fell asleep, exhausted by his breakdown. Heero stayed awake and held him, past midday and through the afternoon. Memories of the past few weeks fit much better into this new perspective, all the strange behavior explained by the elemental realization that Duo hadn't been taking care of himself. In this unguarded, exhausted moment, Heero could see the stress-lines in his lover's face, the shadows in his face that spoke of fatigue and lack of nourishment. Lack of care. Heero nodded sharply to himself, drawing a sleepy protest from Duo. Duo had been taking care of him for months now; it was time for Heero to return the favor. "Ninmu ryoukai," he said aloud.

"Mmph." The noise roused Duo from his slumber, and as the light struck his face he scrunched his features up adorably. "Whassat y' said?" he mumbled, waking up a little more and blinking owlishly against the light.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Heero couldn't stop from smiling as he looked down at his sleepy lover. Duo's face was adorably confused, but the smile soon faded as he took in his koi's salt-streaked cheeks and reddened eyes. Carefully, he bent down and kissed the side of Duo's face, where one final tear had slipped from his eyes. "Nothing, koi," he assured him. "But it's time for you to wake up now."

"Why, what time'sit?" Duo sat up, and squinted at the clock. "Christ, it's later'n I thought. I'd better get dinner started..."

"Correction," Heero said dryly. "I will start dinner. You will go take a shower."

"Oh, hey!" A trace of humor returned to Duo's face; his smile was a littler less certain than it had been, but still it was genuinely there. "You're givin' me orders, now? Saa, Heero -- what if I don't want a shower?" He stood, fists on hips and head cocked to the side, challengingly.

"Too bad," Heero told him mock-severely. "You're sleep-mussed and your face is all swollen. A shower will make you feel better. And I want to cook."

"Well," Duo's smile crept up a few degrees, "there's not much I can argue with that. But just ta make things even, Heero, I'm gonna leave my hair on the towel rack and my clothes on the floor --"

"Of course you will," Heero interrupted him. "You always do. Now go." He stood up behind Duo, and gave him a little push to the hips. Needing no further encouragement, Duo slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

Heero held his breath, waiting intently for the sound of running water; once he heard it, he gathered up his coat and wallet and exited the apartment as quickly as he could, counting on his lover's penchant for long showers -- especially if he was hurt or upset. He had to get some things that were necessary to his plan, but if Duo came out of the bathroom too early and found him gone...

Fortunately, when he hurried back into the apartment the sound of running water still filled the apartment. He dropped his bag out of sight, behind the couch, and set up cooking dinner. Stir-fry -- a dish that he was only moderately fond of himself, but it was quick and easy to make and he knew Duo adored it. He set aside a plate for himself, and made the rest up for Duo.

Duo finally came out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry, just as Heero emptied the contents of the pan onto a plate. "Perfect timing," he commented. Duo just grinned as he slid into his place, and Heero fished a can out of soda out of the fridge and handed it to Duo.

Duo smirked. "You're spoiling me, Hee-chan. I could get used to this, real easy."

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Heero couldn't stop from smiling as he looked down at his sleepy lover. Duo's face was adorably confused, but the smile soon faded as he took in his koi's salt-streaked cheeks and reddened eyes. Carefully, he bent down and kissed the side of Duo's face, where one final tear had slipped from his eyes. "Nothing, koi," he assured him. "But it's time for you to wake up now."

"Why, what time'sit?" Duo sat up, and squinted at the clock. "Christ, it's later'n I thought. I'd better get dinner started..."

"Correction," Heero said dryly. "I will start dinner. You will go take a shower."

"Oh, hey!" A trace of humor returned to Duo's face; his smile was a littler less certain than it had been, but still it was genuinely there. "You're givin' me orders, now? Saa, Heero -- what if I don't want a shower?" He stood, fists on hips and head cocked to the side, challengingly.

"Too bad," Heero told him mock-severely. "You're sleep-mussed and your face is all swollen. A shower will make you feel better. And I want to cook."

"Well," Duo's smile crept up a few degrees, "there's not much I can argue with that. But just ta make things even, Heero, I'm gonna leave my hair on the towel rack and my clothes on the floor --"

"Of course you will," Heero interrupted him. "You always do. Now go." He stood up behind Duo, and gave him a little push to the hips. Needing no further encouragement, Duo slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

Heero held his breath, waiting intently for the sound of running water; once he heard it, he gathered up his coat and wallet and exited the apartment as quickly as he could, counting on his lover's penchant for long showers -- especially if he was hurt or upset. He had to get some things that were necessary to his plan, but if Duo came out of the bathroom too early and found him gone...

Fortunately, when he hurried back into the apartment the sound of running water still filled the apartment. He dropped his bag out of sight, behind the couch, and set up cooking dinner. Stir-fry -- a dish that he was only moderately fond of himself, but it was quick and easy to make and he knew Duo adored it. He set aside a plate for himself, and made the rest up for Duo.

Duo finally came out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry, just as Heero emptied the contents of the pan onto a plate. "Perfect timing," he commented. Duo just grinned as he slid into his place, and Heero fished a can out of soda out of the fridge and handed it to Duo.

Duo smirked. "You're spoiling me, Hee-chan. I could get used to this, real easy."

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"You'd better," Heero told him seriously, "because I intend to spoil you every chance I get."

He took his own plate and glass and sat down kitty-corner to his lover, watching him dig into his food with some of his old gusto. Good. "You'll have to help me through this, Duo," he said a bit sadly, as he toyed with his own food. "I don't know anything about how relationships work. It wasn't in my training."

Duo swallowed a bite, and gave a little sigh. "Well, the most important thing," he said, and took another bite, "is j'st c'mmucation. An'one c'n tell ya tha." He chased the stir-fry with a gulp of soda, and added, "Honesty's gotta be there in a relationship, Heero, or it won't last. You gotta tell me stuff."

Heero blinked as he processed this new information. "Tell you things. Things that you would consider important to know."

"You got it," Duo agreed. He stifled a yawn. Between the steamy shower and the warm food, he was already feeling tired again. He blinked in an effort to keep away. It wouldn't be polite to land head-first in Heero's meal. "You catch on pretty quick, Hee-chan."

Heero tilted his head to one side. "So... I should tell you that your dinner was drugged?"

"What?!?" The chopsticks dropped out of his stunned hands, as Duo gaped at his lover. Certain that he must have misheard.

After a moment, Heero added, "...you're not asleep yet?"

Shocked, Duo pushed back against the table and staggered to his feet. He couldn't find his balance, though, and pitched forward as a wave of lassitude enveloped him. Strong arms caught him as he fell, and the last thing Duo knew before he slipped into drugged sleep was the feel of the steady embrace.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

The first impression to greet him on waking was one of comfort. He was somewhere warm, and soft. Dim reddish light flickered against his closed eyelids, and the faint scent of anise and spice hung in the air.

The second was the realization that he couldn't move, and that discovery jolted him back to wakefulness with a startled lurch. What the Hell?

His eyes snapped open, vision still blurry from the lingering aftereffects of the drug -- the drug! Why in God's name would Heero drug him? Half-holding his breath, he groggily took an inventory -- everything seemed to be in order, except for some rapidly-fading sleepiness. He was lying on his back on the bed they shared, his arms stretched out above him. Experimentally, he tugged on them, only to have his wrists come up against something soft and unyielding. Craning his neck around, Duo managed to get an upside-down glimpse of the headboard; he recognized the padded handcuffs Quatre and dumped off on them. The latch mechanism was nowhere near his fingers.

Tied to the bed, and completely naked. Duo swallowed nervously.

A shadowy figure moved, towards the foot of the bed and off to one side. Duo looked over in time to see his lover's face, flaring into illumination from another candle. Heero set the candle down on the shelf with the others, and turned back to the bed. "You're awake," he observed quietly.

Duo stared at his lover, trying to figure things out. Heero never quite shed the old habits of the war; even underneath the jeans he had taken to wearing, he always kept the spandex shorts. He was wearing these now, but nothing else, and it was from him that the musky-sweet scent was originating. Duo swallowed again, though not from fear this time. Christ, nobody had the right to be that gorgeous! In the candlelight, his slightly bronzed skin nearly glowed, and the shadows that fell across his face and body as he moved -- slender body and graceful limbs, the well-defined muscles promising such strength... Duo shifted uneasily on the bed. Heero was always beautiful, but in the candlelight he radiated an air of sensuality so powerful that Duo found himself incredibly aroused. And bound as he was, he had no way of hiding it. "Heero, what's goin' on?" he asked, his voice cracking despite his best efforts.

Instead of replying, Heero slid onto the bed beside Duo, turning sideways to stare at the other boy for a long moment. Idly, he reached out and trailed the fingers of one hand along Duo's collarbone; Duo had to fight to stifle a gasp at the electric sensation that slight touch sent along his skin. Heero leaned closer, as though fascinated by his lover's expression, and pressed his palm a little deeper on Duo's chest. Duo shivered, and shut his eyes.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He opened them gain, though, when Heero spoke at last. "I can't use words," Wing's pilot said softly, sadly. "But even if I could make words that shape how I feel, I couldn't make you believe in them. So I'm going to show you, instead." His hand slid behind Duo's head and pulled his braid around, easing the elastic off the end. He draped Duo's hair across his chest and stroked it free of the braid, feeling the heat of the smooth skin under the soft silky hair. "Show you, in a way that you can't make yourself doubt."

"Sh...show me?" Duo stuttered, completely distracted by the gentle caress. The long strands of hair draping over his skin seemed to capture and magnify the heat of Heero's hands, and the room seemed suddenly much too warm.

"I have been reexamining the events of the past few months," Heero told him int he methodical tone of a soldier. "Now that I knew what to look for, I easily recognize a pattern. You have been neglecting yourself in order to pay attention to me." His fingers trailed along Duo's side, coming to rest just below his ribcage. Duo caught his breath, and Heero felt the twitch under his hand. "Since we became lovers, I can clearly recall at least seventeen different occasions on which you were so intent on giving me pleasure that you did not yourself achieve climax."

Duo blanched. "You... I didn't think you'd noticed!"

"I hadn't," Heero admitted, and his voice had lost the clinical detachment. "An oversight on my part, which I plan to correct."

A sinking feeling invaded Duo's stomach; he got the distinct feeling that he was in trouble. But he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Correct how?"

The smirk that passed over Heero's face could be described only as pure mischief. "I intend to make up for the seventeen missed occasions tonight."

"ALL of them?" Duo yelped, suddenly panicked. "Heero, you've gotta be out of your fuckin' mind!"

"No, but by the time I'm finished, you may be." Smirking evilly, Heero moved his hand down to Duo's groin and firmly stroked along his arousal.

Duo's eyes squeezed shut as his back arched up off the bed. "Damn it, Heero... ahhhh... this isn't funny!"

"It's not meant to be," Heero said; delighted by the response, he repeated the motion, and Duo's hands jangled against the cuffs.

"I'm... nnggh!... I'm serious about this, Heero! Ya can't just... tie me to the bed without askin' and expect me to be okay with it!"

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He opened them gain, though, when Heero spoke at last. "I can't use words," Wing's pilot said softly, sadly. "But even if I could make words that shape how I feel, I couldn't make you believe in them. So I'm going to show you, instead." His hand slid behind Duo's head and pulled his braid around, easing the elastic off the end. He draped Duo's hair across his chest and stroked it free of the braid, feeling the heat of the smooth skin under the soft silky hair. "Show you, in a way that you can't make yourself doubt."

"Sh...show me?" Duo stuttered, completely distracted by the gentle caress. The long strands of hair draping over his skin seemed to capture and magnify the heat of Heero's hands, and the room seemed suddenly much too warm.

"I have been reexamining the events of the past few months," Heero told him int he methodical tone of a soldier. "Now that I knew what to look for, I easily recognize a pattern. You have been neglecting yourself in order to pay attention to me." His fingers trailed along Duo's side, coming to rest just below his ribcage. Duo caught his breath, and Heero felt the twitch under his hand. "Since we became lovers, I can clearly recall at least seventeen different occasions on which you were so intent on giving me pleasure that you did not yourself achieve climax."

Duo blanched. "You... I didn't think you'd noticed!"

"I hadn't," Heero admitted, and his voice had lost the clinical detachment. "An oversight on my part, which I plan to correct."

A sinking feeling invaded Duo's stomach; he got the distinct feeling that he was in trouble. But he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Correct how?"

The smirk that passed over Heero's face could be described only as pure mischief. "I intend to make up for the seventeen missed occasions tonight."

"ALL of them?" Duo yelped, suddenly panicked. "Heero, you've gotta be out of your fuckin' mind!"

"No, but by the time I'm finished, you may be." Smirking evilly, Heero moved his hand down to Duo's groin and firmly stroked along his arousal.

Duo's eyes squeezed shut as his back arched up off the bed. "Damn it, Heero... ahhhh... this isn't funny!"

"It's not meant to be," Heero said; delighted by the response, he repeated the motion, and Duo's hands jangled against the cuffs.

"I'm... nnggh!... I'm serious about this, Heero! Ya can't just... tie me to the bed without askin' and expect me to be okay with it!"

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Heero sighed, and released Duo's erection to lay his hand once again on Duo's chest, over his heart. He could feel it against against his palm, wild and fluttering. Duo's eyes slitted open, and Heero stared into them intently as he spoke. "Duo," he said seriously. "This is something I want to do. But if you're really not okay with it, then I won't. I know you never lie. If you can tell me straight out that you're not enjoying this --" he moved his hand, and brushed against a nipple; Duo gasped and squirmed "-- at all, then I'll undo the cuffs and we'll stop right now."

A moment of silence, and then, "Fuck!" Furious at himself, Duo thrashed against the sheets.

Heero breathed a small sigh of relief, and the smile returned full force. "Not yet, koi," he promised. "Now, stop struggling. You'll need to save your strength."

Shifting position, so that he knelt on the bed next to Duo, he placed both hands on Duo's chest and leaned down to claim his mouth for a long, sensual kiss. Duo was panting by the time Heero let up, and beads of sweat were breaking out on his skin. Heero dipped his head to taste one, trickling down his neck, and licked his lips as he raised his smoldering eyes back to Duo's glazed amethyst ones. "I mean to taste all of you... claim you, take you, and make you mine," he purred. "And I also mean to ride you, and to burn it into your mind that I'm here, that I love you, and that I'm not going to leave you. Ever."

He was so beautiful, with that hunger so plain on his face, that Duo's heart nearly stopped. Without thinking, he tried to reach out towards the vision before him, but once again was stopped short by the handcuffs. "But, Heero," he panted, distressed by the inability to touch his lover. "You won't be able to..."

"Baka." Heero swiped his tongue over Duo's nipple, causing the boy to shiver deliciously. "Don't you think I'll enjoy giving you pleasure, like you've been doing for me all this time? Or... do I have more to pay you back for than I'd expected?"

"No!" Duo exclaimed, a convulsive shudder rippling through his frame. Heero smirked and began kissing his way down Duo's chest, across his belly and on to his ultimate target.

Duo groaned, and shut his eyes tight as Heero worked his way down Duo's body. His eyes flew open, though, as he felt the soft, agile tongue run down his length, and almost without conscious volition he raised his head to see. The sight of Heero, dark hair tousled as he bent his head to take Duo's cock in his mouth, was too much to bear; he banged his head back against the pillow so hard he saw sparks. Waves of sweet fire raced up from his groin, drowning him in a pleasure so intense he nearly cried out with disappointment as Heero released him and moved away. Duo gasped for breath, drawing in great lungfulls of air scented with anise and spice and an intoxicating musk that was Heero.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Heero sighed, and released Duo's erection to lay his hand once again on Duo's chest, over his heart. He could feel it against against his palm, wild and fluttering. Duo's eyes slitted open, and Heero stared into them intently as he spoke. "Duo," he said seriously. "This is something I want to do. But if you're really not okay with it, then I won't. I know you never lie. If you can tell me straight out that you're not enjoying this --" he moved his hand, and brushed against a nipple; Duo gasped and squirmed "-- at all, then I'll undo the cuffs and we'll stop right now."

A moment of silence, and then, "Fuck!" Furious at himself, Duo thrashed against the sheets.

Heero breathed a small sigh of relief, and the smile returned full force. "Not yet, koi," he promised. "Now, stop struggling. You'll need to save your strength."

Shifting position, so that he knelt on the bed next to Duo, he placed both hands on Duo's chest and leaned down to claim his mouth for a long, sensual kiss. Duo was panting by the time Heero let up, and beads of sweat were breaking out on his skin. Heero dipped his head to taste one, trickling down his neck, and licked his lips as he raised his smoldering eyes back to Duo's glazed amethyst ones. "I mean to taste all of you... claim you, take you, and make you mine," he purred. "And I also mean to ride you, and to burn it into your mind that I'm here, that I love you, and that I'm not going to leave you. Ever."

He was so beautiful, with that hunger so plain on his face, that Duo's heart nearly stopped. Without thinking, he tried to reach out towards the vision before him, but once again was stopped short by the handcuffs. "But, Heero," he panted, distressed by the inability to touch his lover. "You won't be able to..."

"Baka." Heero swiped his tongue over Duo's nipple, causing the boy to shiver deliciously. "Don't you think I'll enjoy giving you pleasure, like you've been doing for me all this time? Or... do I have more to pay you back for than I'd expected?"

"No!" Duo exclaimed, a convulsive shudder rippling through his frame. Heero smirked and began kissing his way down Duo's chest, across his belly and on to his ultimate target.

Duo groaned, and shut his eyes tight as Heero worked his way down Duo's body. His eyes flew open, though, as he felt the soft, agile tongue run down his length, and almost without conscious volition he raised his head to see. The sight of Heero, dark hair tousled as he bent his head to take Duo's cock in his mouth, was too much to bear; he banged his head back against the pillow so hard he saw sparks. Waves of sweet fire raced up from his groin, drowning him in a pleasure so intense he nearly cried out with disappointment as Heero released him and moved away. Duo gasped for breath, drawing in great lungfulls of air scented with anise and spice and an intoxicating musk that was Heero.

Re: Junk 3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Dazed, Duo was vaguely aware of Heero retrieving something from the shelf where the candles rested and returning, the mattress sinking underneath his weight. His strong, calloused hands latched around Duo's hips, lifting him slightly off the sheets and easing him down until Heero was settled between Duo's legs. He shook out one of the silk scarves he had brought, tying one end to Duo's left ankle and then pulling his leg out straight until he could secure the other end to the bedpost. When he had finished binding Duo's legs to the end of the bed, he pushed himself up until he was leaning over Duo, kneeling between his legs and hands resting on either side of Duo's chest.

Despite everything, Duo shivered with fear; his hands clenched on the handcuff chain, and his legs twitched spasmodically against their silken bonds. "He... Heero?" he said, and couldn't keep the uncertainty out of his tone.

The intense, hungry look on Heero's face melted easily into a predatory smile. "What's wrong, Duo?" he asked, his voice all silken menace. "Do you feel helpless? Vulnerable, like you've never been before? Completely and utterly exposed, open to someone else for the first time?"

There had been others, before Heero... Duo had not been a virgin in many years, and he'd never felt any shame for his body. But bound this way, legs spread out and arms stretched above his head, left him feeling more naked than he ever had in his life. He bit his lip against the fear, and nodded silently.

"Good." For just an instant, all the coldness of the soldier was back, and Duo shivered. But then Heero's voice and face softened, and he was beautiful and warm once again. "Because that's how I felt, our first night together. It frightened me more than I ever let you see. But I trusted you, to make it good, to make it right. And you did. Now trust me, koi. Trust me to return to favor. I promise I won't ever hurt you."

"Can't," Duo began; his voice cracked, and he had to lick his dry lips and start again. "Can't argue with that," he got out the second time, and the devilsome smile spread across his face again.

"Baka." The word was a scold, an endearment, a promise. Heero pushed himself up and away from Duo's face, setting back on his heels. "No more of your talking, or else I'll gag you."

Heero wasted more time, running his hands down the inside of Duo's thighs and back up again. Duo groaned, and let his head fall limply back against the pillow. Better just to let Heero work, to concentrate on just feeling and save his strength.

It was going to be a long night.