THIS is why Mary Sues will never die
Jan. 12th, 2006 01:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windandwaterHoly crap.
I mean. I'm just. THEY SELL THIS STUFF? For REAL? This is sorta funny, in an utterly brain-breaking way. Though, I did have a fun time plugging in Heero and Duo's names into the sample thinger, just to see what the actual writing on the inside of the book was like. ZOMG. Purple prose FTW!
*giggles* Too bad this is so unashamedly heterosexual. They've rehashed every single bad plot ever in every cliche genre; the summaries seriously read like Harlequin novels. XD;; I would be embarrassed to actually have a personalized book like this on my shelves. I mean, what if you break up? Or you could just be a creepy stalker. *sporfle* Or you could be like me and stick male names in. The feisty Lady Duo indeed!
EDIT...
Okay, I'm weak. And I just HAD to share what I got when I stuck Heero and Duo's names in. XD! So here's the excerpts from the book thinger. But Duo and Quatre have become women... because this book (and the others) are JUST THAT HET. Genderswitching! Yay! And bad prose!
Medieval Passion describes the timeless romance of the ever so whimsical Lady Duo and Heero Yuy, heir to one of the largest, most magnificent estates in all of England.
Sit back and relax as you journey back through the ages to the regal setting of the late 1400s… a time of courage, honor, chivalry and true romance!
Chapter Three... Duo & Heero - the first encounter
...A rut in the road caused the carriage to lurch violently and Lady Duo was flung backward, her hands grasping for the satin upholstery over her head. But again it was Heero that saved the day, catching Duo up in his arms as the carriage careened over the rut, finally righting itself onto the pathway.
Gathered in a reckless embrace Duo held to Heero, golden tassels twisted against the length of her fingers in one hand, dark brown locks of his hair in the other. In the midst of her own ill considerations of him, she discovered in fear that she relished the touch of this bold Marquis ... more than what the love of another man would readily grant forgiveness.
Duo lost the strength to ask that Heero stop as his lips reached the curve of her neck. She felt his royal hands explore her bare legs beneath the cover of her gown. Beyond all sense of reason, his lips met with hers, eager for her unforeseen delicacies ...
Chapter One ... Lady Duo, Quatre and Max the wonder dog
"What's that look for?" Duo asked.
Quatre merely shrugged, concealing her face from Lady Duo as she bent down and began to pet Max. "All I'm saying is that you should give the Marquis a chance," Quatre defended.
"A chance?" Duo repeated angrily, her blue eyes ablaze. "Tomorrow I am to be officially betrothed and in less than a week I will be Lord Coventry's wife!"
"Well, that gives you seven days to grow to like him." Quatre replied with a devilish grin. But Duo only glared back.
'A week,' Max thought, surveying the floor for fallen bits of pork rind. 'Seven days of feasting and then on to our new Lord's castle in Coventry to retire to a life of luxury. What more could a dog possibly ask for? What more could Duo want...' Max jumped up onto the bed and stretched out once again.
"Don't you worry sweetheart," Duo whispered, gently pulling Max closer, "I'll find a way to get us out of this, you just wait and see. We won't go to some big old castle in Coventry without a fight."
'Does this mean there won't be a banquet?' Max wondered in dismay, but the fire in the hearth had been reduced to glowing embers and snuggling against the warm body of Lady Duo was far too much for any dog to resist. Max slowly drifted off...
Chapter Ten .. Love triumphs for Lady Duo & Heero
...Rose petals lay scattered across the bed and the sweet scent of roses overwhelmed them. Heero slowly moved his hand, tracing the gentle slant of her shoulder, the delicate curve of her neck and the sweep of her jaw. Softly, Heero brushed a lock of brown hair from her forehead as he looked into her breath-taking blue eyes.
"We've already wasted so many nights," Heero admitted, gathering Duo in his strong arms.
Duo gazed back, and in a whisper replied, "What is but one night in the history of England, my lord..."
Heero finished the sentence, "...but another night stolen from our bed."
Duo could feel the beating of his heart and the warmth of his desire surround her. She reached up and tilted his head, bringing him closer, his mouth a breath away as she uttered the words that would keep Heero with her, warmly by her side for the length of the night and forever...
I mean. I'm just. THEY SELL THIS STUFF? For REAL? This is sorta funny, in an utterly brain-breaking way. Though, I did have a fun time plugging in Heero and Duo's names into the sample thinger, just to see what the actual writing on the inside of the book was like. ZOMG. Purple prose FTW!
*giggles* Too bad this is so unashamedly heterosexual. They've rehashed every single bad plot ever in every cliche genre; the summaries seriously read like Harlequin novels. XD;; I would be embarrassed to actually have a personalized book like this on my shelves. I mean, what if you break up? Or you could just be a creepy stalker. *sporfle* Or you could be like me and stick male names in. The feisty Lady Duo indeed!
EDIT...
Okay, I'm weak. And I just HAD to share what I got when I stuck Heero and Duo's names in. XD! So here's the excerpts from the book thinger. But Duo and Quatre have become women... because this book (and the others) are JUST THAT HET. Genderswitching! Yay! And bad prose!
Medieval Passion describes the timeless romance of the ever so whimsical Lady Duo and Heero Yuy, heir to one of the largest, most magnificent estates in all of England.
Sit back and relax as you journey back through the ages to the regal setting of the late 1400s… a time of courage, honor, chivalry and true romance!
Chapter Three... Duo & Heero - the first encounter
...A rut in the road caused the carriage to lurch violently and Lady Duo was flung backward, her hands grasping for the satin upholstery over her head. But again it was Heero that saved the day, catching Duo up in his arms as the carriage careened over the rut, finally righting itself onto the pathway.
Gathered in a reckless embrace Duo held to Heero, golden tassels twisted against the length of her fingers in one hand, dark brown locks of his hair in the other. In the midst of her own ill considerations of him, she discovered in fear that she relished the touch of this bold Marquis ... more than what the love of another man would readily grant forgiveness.
Duo lost the strength to ask that Heero stop as his lips reached the curve of her neck. She felt his royal hands explore her bare legs beneath the cover of her gown. Beyond all sense of reason, his lips met with hers, eager for her unforeseen delicacies ...
Chapter One ... Lady Duo, Quatre and Max the wonder dog
"What's that look for?" Duo asked.
Quatre merely shrugged, concealing her face from Lady Duo as she bent down and began to pet Max. "All I'm saying is that you should give the Marquis a chance," Quatre defended.
"A chance?" Duo repeated angrily, her blue eyes ablaze. "Tomorrow I am to be officially betrothed and in less than a week I will be Lord Coventry's wife!"
"Well, that gives you seven days to grow to like him." Quatre replied with a devilish grin. But Duo only glared back.
'A week,' Max thought, surveying the floor for fallen bits of pork rind. 'Seven days of feasting and then on to our new Lord's castle in Coventry to retire to a life of luxury. What more could a dog possibly ask for? What more could Duo want...' Max jumped up onto the bed and stretched out once again.
"Don't you worry sweetheart," Duo whispered, gently pulling Max closer, "I'll find a way to get us out of this, you just wait and see. We won't go to some big old castle in Coventry without a fight."
'Does this mean there won't be a banquet?' Max wondered in dismay, but the fire in the hearth had been reduced to glowing embers and snuggling against the warm body of Lady Duo was far too much for any dog to resist. Max slowly drifted off...
Chapter Ten .. Love triumphs for Lady Duo & Heero
...Rose petals lay scattered across the bed and the sweet scent of roses overwhelmed them. Heero slowly moved his hand, tracing the gentle slant of her shoulder, the delicate curve of her neck and the sweep of her jaw. Softly, Heero brushed a lock of brown hair from her forehead as he looked into her breath-taking blue eyes.
"We've already wasted so many nights," Heero admitted, gathering Duo in his strong arms.
Duo gazed back, and in a whisper replied, "What is but one night in the history of England, my lord..."
Heero finished the sentence, "...but another night stolen from our bed."
Duo could feel the beating of his heart and the warmth of his desire surround her. She reached up and tilted his head, bringing him closer, his mouth a breath away as she uttered the words that would keep Heero with her, warmly by her side for the length of the night and forever...
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Date: 2006-01-12 10:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-12 10:18 pm (UTC)