I promised I'd do this...

[windandwater]

BUT A WOLF?!

Link is to the fic in question. It is not worksafe nor brainsafe. It is Wolf/Heero. Yes, you read that right. Because, I mean, Camel/Quatre and Lion/Trowa is so passe. And everyone knows about Thor.

... I love my friends. :Db ♥


EDIT...

And here is Asuka's reviewer with the 'supple breasts'. Her phrasing. Not mine. Such wacky conversations we have!


EDIT BECAUSE I CAN...

Asuka asked for it, so I had to find it for her, even though it's late and I'm tired. God bless google. Thor. Yes, the Thor. So not worksafe at all. THOR. And surprisingly (or not, depending), it is by the same author of the wolf fic!


EDIT BECAUSE... WELL, I HAVE NO WITTY ONE-LINERS RIGHT NOW...

Once again, Asuka says it better than I ever will. Need I mention the huge NOT WORKSAFE thing again? I love AIM convos.



askerian: Only sheer training prevented him from going into an earsplitting rant right then and there.
why hello fanon characterisation laziness.
askerian: dude, at least try to write it good
windandwater: XD
askerian: No matter how he twisted and squirmed, Wufei was unable to reach a position to push the massive stallion off of himself where he was trapped bending over a large trough. His efforts were further hindered by the absolute necessity of remaining perfectly silent while less than a yard from two armed soldiers while he was utterly helpless.
... i think if he had an ENORMOUS STALLION on him he'd be more busy TRYNG TO BREATHE
askerian: also i require an explanation on how it is he doesn't have broken ribs.
askerian: or a broken spine.
askerian: at least a line about how "luckily the blahblah under him was soft and absorbed part of the impact" or whatever
windandwater: well, duo
windandwater: XDDD;;; broken leg
askerian: froze as Thor pressed his gargantuan length forward, effortlessly passing past the protesting ring of muscle in its path.
.... D:
windandwater: IF DUO WAS A HORSE THEY'D SHOOT HIM
askerian: dude. the head of the cock is not a missile.
askerian: BUT THEN THE BEAST HAD TRAINING
askerian: but the end of a horse cock is kinda blunt
askerian: how would it find a tiny constricted opening and not slide off to the side?
windandwater: ...
askerian: began thrusting shallowly for several minutes.
PHAIL.
askerian: beasts in general do not do any of that shallow, gentle thrusting business
askerian: that's why it's called animal sex
askerian: PHAIIIL
askerian: ... what's with the dotting?
windandwater: *is busy copying and pasting ftw*
askerian: oi.
windandwater: =D
askerian: fine, fine. >D
windandwater: you say it better than i can. you're so eloquent on the matter of animal sex
askerian: It was bad enough that he had ended up on bottom, but the fact that it was an animal
... D: so if the horse had fallen onto his erect dick it would be better?
askerian: ._.;;;
windandwater: BWHAHAHAHAH
windandwater: maybe it would XD
windandwater: like a donkey show
askerian: he leaked evidence of equine ecstasy on the leather seat.
... that gets me so hot. =_=;;;
windandwater: *gives you a tissue?*
askerian: ... and all the gboys accept the same mission... without even sharing the info they did get...
askerian: i know the end was meant to be circular and teasing and whatever, but it just looks moronic.
askerian: makes me think of a pervert attracting children with candy. EXCEPT THEY'RE REALLY A LITTLE SMARTER THAN THAT.
windandwater: so you're saying the world needs better beastiality fics?
askerian: so heero going "oh yay new mission i go whee"...
askerian: ... yes. totally.

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)

Comments

[samikitty.livejournal.com]

ah haha. as a friend of the girl who wrote the camelxquatre... (actually, i probably shouldn't admit that. ^O^) my friend wrote hers as crack!fic, do you think this author did as well? ^^;;; dear me. and look at the ending! it's twu wuv.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Heh, the camel/Quatre is a classic crackfic. Like Trowa/Peanut Butter! But this one... well, it says in the notes that it was written as a request to a friend, and doesn't say 'crack', just beastiality.

>_O

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

*wheeze* You know it's going to be gold when the disclaimer is for the wrong fandom. I am so saving this for Muskrit. ♥

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. XD! That's like... icing on the tragically badwrong cake.

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

I DID NOT REALIZE THIS WAS THE SAME AUTHOR AS "THOR"! That makes it all infinity times more better-er. Did she do the Camel/Quatre and the Lion/Trowa ones as well?

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

WE SHOULD HAVE REALIZED IT WAS. Afterall, both fics start out basically the same way, and have the same structure and usage of purple prose in the midst of teh sexx0rs.

And the Camel/Quatre and Lion/Trowa ones are really old and on GWA. Jenny&Kimmie did "Sleeping with Lions" and "PB&T" which is the peanut butter fic. *searches* ANd I forget who did the camel one, but sami-pi is her friend. I bet we could ask.

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

...now that you mention it, there were certain stylistic differences that should have tipped me off. Perhaps I was attributing them to the rape-by-massive-animal-genre as a whole instead of a single author...

...

OMG. DO YOU THINK MAYBE THERE IS A WHOLE SERIES?!? ONE WITH EACH PILOT?!?

*too lazy to switch LJs*

[windup-boytoy.livejournal.com]

Well, as for the camel and lion fics, those were more meant to be written as crack, I think, than as a serious beastiality kink fic. With Thor and the wolf fic... eh, it's like the author was actually TRYING to make a serious kink fic, but went horribly horribly wrong (and anatomically incorrect) along the way. Tsssk. Someone doesn't watch enough Animal Planet.

AND I FEAR FOR THAT. IT'S BAD ENOUGH WITH THE IMPLICATIONS THAT THOR TOPS THEM ALL.

Re: *too lazy to switch LJs*

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

Massive three-ton quarter horse ftw!

THOR FICATHON, IS ALL I'M SAYING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT THE UNTOLD STORY OF HIS TRAINING. ZECHS? TREIZE HAS A SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU!

Re: *too lazy to switch LJs*

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

You know, and all I can think in response to that is that Treize probably has been the only one to top Thor.

Like a donkey show.

[kitedreams.livejournal.com]

...now I need to find our video of Thor again. Because nothing will ever, *ever* beat that. EVER.

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

YES. When Muskrit gets back and gets all settled at school? We can bribe her into doing a storytime marathon. And it will be fabulous.

wolf/heero 4eva

[thejennabides.livejournal.com]

Joy. Sheer, utter, inexpressible joy.

Except for the fact that it is only one chapter. I am, as you know, bereft now. Where is the story of their lifelong love? The marriage ceremony (that only Trowa really supports, I imagine - though perhaps Wufei understands and longs in a part of his heart for same)? Where oh where is the tale of Heero's first pregnancy?

Re: wolf/heero 4eva

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

If anyone can find it, Sera can, ohyes!

Or? Maybe if we ask nicely? She will write it for us. :D

Re: wolf/heero 4eva

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... HEY WHUT NO DON'T SIGN ME UP FOR STUFF I DIDN'T AGREE TO.

... and who told you about those RPs I did with Asuka, anyway?

Re: wolf/heero 4eva

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

No one had to tell me. I just knew.

Re: wolf/heero 4eva

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... wait, I don't think Heero ever had puppies. He had kittens. Because Duo was a demon werepanther thing.

My bad.

Re: wolf/heero 4eva

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... Heero's totally gonna have a litter of puppies. He HAS to at this point.

[sukino.livejournal.com]

It burns so much.

why do you hurt me so. . .

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Because it's fun!

[askerian]

Askerian: ... bah. not even an anatomically correct wolf. FAIL.
Askerian: if she was going to write beast sex, she could at least write it properly.
windandwater: .............. XD;;

Askerian: someone challenged me to write akamaru sex.
windandwater: the puppy or after timeskip
windandwater: and with who?
Askerian: after timeskip! D:
windandwater: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY
Askerian: i'm thinking either ino or hinata XD
windandwater: SHOUTA BEASTIALITY IS MY THING
windandwater: DON'T STEAL IT
Askerian: XDDDD
windandwater: >:F
Askerian: i'm not. This akamaru tops. >XDD
windandwater: hinata might smell of kiba
Askerian: yesh ^^
Askerian: but ino might actually have fun.
windandwater: ino would be too loud
Askerian: not if she were intentionally trying to be quiet because they're doing it in her house
Askerian: with kiba
Askerian: and akamaru
Askerian: it's a bisexual beast threesome!
Askerian: *rules, yes*
Askerian: ... >_>;;;
Askerian: ._.
windandwater: do i have to call you a perv or do you already know?
Askerian: 9_9
Askerian: it's not my fault, i was challenged.
windandwater: uh huh
windandwater: akamaru knots, right?
Askerian: well, duh.
Askerian: ... he's a BIG dog. >_>;;;;;;;;
Askerian: ... ow.
Askerian: what's the point otherwise u.u
windandwater: .................. pervert
Askerian: WOULD YOU SAY THAT IF I WROTE WOLF SEX IN GAROU? HUH? HUH?
Askerian: No, you would say "may I please have some more, mistress asuka".
Askerian: yes, that's what you'd say.
windandwater: WELL I NEVER SAID I WASN'T A PERVERT TOO
windandwater: NOTICE I DON'T CRITICIZE THE WOLFSEX
windandwater: NOTICE
windandwater: HA
windandwater: BECAUSE I LIKES TEH KINK
Askerian: ... bah. u.u
windandwater: but that was just really bad wolfsex
windandwater: no knot
Askerian: .... >D indeed.
windandwater: lame
Askerian: cheapskate.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

We have the strangest AIM convos. And yet, we cannot stop ourselves.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Did you ever get the necro I mailed you?

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

ZOMG YES AND IT WAS ASDFGHJKL;ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKLK!

Because you think "Hmmm necro" and you think "some dead person will get fucked." And it was Hei and goddammit ED YOU'RE NOT THAT MUCH OF AN UKE YOU CAN TOP A DEAD REALLY IT'S OKAY. Also, it was angsty. But that's like a footnote to my reaction of Ed being topped by dead!Hei.

:Db

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Actually, the dead guy tops in all the FMA necro I can remember. In the Al/Ed one where Ed was dead, Al fucked himself on the rigor mortis cock, too. Well, in the Ed/Al one I did, it didn't say, but I bet they switched off. Ed's considerate that way.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

D:

YOU NEED TO GO AGAINST THE GRAIN! WRITE A FIC WHERE THE DEAD GUY BOTTOMS. Ed's not that short, rly.

[cryogenia.livejournal.com]

*is summoned*

For the record, I was going to write perfectly normal(!?!) necro...it was the challenger's idea that Ed bottom XD;

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

:O!! *puts away the necro summon materia*

... the challenge specifically wanted Ed to bottom to a corpse? That's very specific.

[cryogenia.livejournal.com]

Specifically, it was Ed/Hei necro, and bonus for Ed bottoming to the corpse. Anonymous supplied XD;

[danipuff.livejournal.com]

*looks at in horror* I thought we said that this fic doesn't exist? ;-;

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

*pets* It doesn't. Not at all. You're hallucinating.