Goodbye LJ...
Feb. 20th, 2006 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windandwaterThis is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:43 am (UTC)Heero bowed his head submissively, hiding the tiny smirk of triumph. The gleeful expression was wiped away, though, by Wufei’s next words. “Just understand this, Colonel Yuy. If anything goes wrong, I will hold you personally responsible -- and your clever slave!”
Without waiting for a response, Wufei spoke a sharp word of command to his horse, and took of sharply through the crowd, leaving Heero behind, the smile slowly fading from his face.
+++
He sat still in the same place when they came for him. Five of them. Chang wasn’t taking any chances, Duo made the dreary observation.
He didn’t put up any kind of resistance, not even a stinging taunt. Not just that he knew that there was nothing to be gained by it -- not just that he did not want to turn the promise of murderous violence in their eyes, in the white-knuckled grips on their weapons, into reality -- that had never stopped him time before. The change was on the inside -- something that had stopped moving, something that had broken down.
“General Chang wants you,” the leader snarled, and when Duo did not move to stand, he reached down impatiently grabbed hold of Duo’s upper arm. “Now.” The pressure of the soldier’s fingers made livid marks on his skin, even as Duo quietly complied with the man’s curt orders. The other four guards swarmed about them as he left the quiet haven of Heero’s tent for a final time.
What will they do to me? Duo wondered bleakly. He couldn’t force himself to care too much.
The sunlight hurt his eyes, accustomed to the darkness. Around him, the world crystallized into blurs of bright winter sunlight, tinted sometimes in shades of brown and gray. Sound, too, blurred into a roaring jumble of words lost in fierce and angry tones. For a moment he was blessedly numb to the world, allowing the men to pull him across the uneven ground to some unknown destination.
Golden light mixed with the white, dimming it down; he was shoved abruptly onto a hard surface, and then the world snapped back into painful focus.
He was sitting in a hard wooden chair in the center of the cleared space of a large tent. The tent was not empty -- some chairs and tables scattered around the space, and some men came and went around the corners of his vision. None of them crossed the invisible boundary of the circle in which he sat. Once before. He’d seen this place once before during the disastrous interview, the first and last time he’d really seen General Chang...
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:43 am (UTC)The General was not as tall as he remembered him being; that was Duo’s first impression, blurred and dazed though it was. Of course, this time around Chang was tired and worn and dirty from the battle and the long ride, and even seated he leaned heavily against the desk. Still a furious tension gripped his muscles, drove his fingers to tap a constant rhythm on the wood, and his slanted black eyes were cold.
A minute after Duo was pushed down into the chair, Chang turned that hard gaze on him, and Duo had to concentrate on swallowing past the tightness in his throat. He honestly did not know if he had the strength for this, to face Chang’s triumphant accusation and judgment without making a total disgrace of himself by breaking down.
“Duo Maxwell,” the General said crisply. Like the rest of him, his voice was hoarse around the edges and raspy from overuse, but still carried the bite of command. “So glad you could join me.”
Duo dropped his eyes down, on the ground, and didn’t rise to the bait of Chang’s sarcasm.
Chang looked at him in silence for a minute, but when no response was forthcoming, he sat a little straighter in his chair and continued. “No doubt by now you’ve heard some garbled version of the events at Kinekell,” he continued. “I will put things plainly. The entire attack on Kinekell was a ruse, meant to lure us out from our defensive position and into their trap.”
He closed his eyes, and sat smaller and colder in the hard chair. He heard the scrape of wood against the ground as Chang pushed back his chair and began to pace.
“Somehow -- somehow, they had obtained copies of our troops’ movements and set up ambush that came very close to destroying our entire army. Which leads me to you, Duo Maxwell -- and your role in all of this.”
Oh, Gods. He was on trial -- he couldn’t just sit here, just sit and listen to Chang condemn him without even trying to protest his innocence. He forced himself to take a deep breath, and said past a dry mouth, “General, I swear I didn’t do anything. I --”
Chang cut him off with a brusque gesture and a fierce scowl. “Spare me the platitudes, Maxwell! You know exactly what you did.”
Anything else Duo might have said died unspoken, and he sank back into his seat. This wasn’t a trial -- it was a sentencing. He clutched the last remnants of his sanity about him, and waited.
“Justice must be done,” Chang pronounced, and, straightened his posture. With a few steps he was standing directly before Duo, looking down at him with an unfathomable expression. Duo stared back at him, face frozen, with the last flickers of his spirit dying inside his eyes.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:43 am (UTC)What?
Chang continued. “The change in troop deployment took the ambushers by surprise, as they were acting by the original plans. If not for the alterations that you made to the battle plans, we would have been slaughtered to the last man.”
His words fell on deaf ears. The sudden reversal of the world had completely stunned Duo, who was still struggling through the concept that General Chang -- the man who distrusted and despised him -- was bowing before him.
They don’t think that I...?
A sudden change in tone caught Duo’s attention back; Chang was still talking, but much of the formality had dropped out of his voice, and of his posture. His tone now was of... contrition.
“I have behaved very disgracefully towards you,” Chang said quietly, “ever since you came to this encampment. My conduct has been dishonorable, and frankly inexcusable; I only hope that you will be willing to forgive my petty actions and accept my sincere apologies. I owe you my life, and the lives of all my men, and there is no service in the world great enough to repay this debt.”
“Oh,” Duo heard himself say. “That’s all right.” He blinked dazedly up at the General, bemused by the relief that spread over the older man’s face. He actually smiled, an almost perceptible smile, and bowed before Duo once more. Duo watched, feeling very abstracted from the entire situation.
Chang turned partly away from Duo, and returned to lean against the back of his chair, not yet sitting down. “I am partly to blame for this,” he said, more to himself than to Duo. “When Yuy proposed the altered plans, I confined them to the left flank. If I hadn’t done that, if I had not let my jealousies rule me... then Colonel Vant might still be alive.”
Duo’s bemusement vanished into shock, and he sat bolt upright in his seat. Colonel who?
“General,” he heard his own voice saying, and could hardly believe how calm he sounded. “Where is Heero?”
“Oh, Heero?” Chang returned from his momentary preoccupation, looking back down at Duo. “Colonel Yuy is supervising the retreat, of course. The... survivors... of the right flank returned to the encampment as fast as their condition would allow, and I, of course, had to be here. Yuy should be bringing the left, and center, divisions back to the camp sometime tonight, or maybe tomorrow.”
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:44 am (UTC)For now, there was just one thought that filled his mind.
Heero was alive.
Three thousand men made up the right flank at Kinekell.
Four hundred returned.
The casualties hadn’t been nearly so high in the other divisions, Wufei had explained. He told the story in quiet, clipped sentences. They had entered a shallow valley on the approach to Kinekell. Heero had led his men across the western hill instead of staying on the road. On reaching the edges of the woods, his troops surprised the western edge of the ambush. The fighting had broken out immediately. Heero sent messengers to warn the other officers of the trap. Wufei had received the message, barely in time. The horseman sent to the right flank never arrived at all.
Had Oz’s attack gone to plan, the entire Allied army would have been wiped out in a single day. Even now, over four thousand Allied soldiers lay dead in the valley grave. All that would save the nearby town from plague as the bodies rotted was the oncoming winter -- there had not been time for burials, there had not even been time for mass pyres. It was a grim, soul-killing victory. But it was still a victory. Despite the staggering losses, Oz had taken even more casualties -- there could be no further hostilities this year.
And now, as Duo stood by Wufei’s side and watched the exhausted survivors come pouring back, he found himself wondering if they would even survive the winter, much less the next spring. All equipment they had taken with them was lost. And he knew, from the tightness around Wufei’s black eyes, that he wondered too.
But that was the future -- first they had to survive today, and tomorrow, and then perhaps they could think about someday. “Do you know who it was?” he asked Wufei quietly. “The traitor.”
Wufei scowled angrily, and Duo couldn’t stop from flinching just a little bit when he saw the way Wufei’s hand clenched into a fist. “No,” he said sharply. “Not for certain. But I think I... yes, I can think of some possibilities.”
“What will you be able to do about it?” Duo wanted to know.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:44 am (UTC)“That’s the problem,” Wufei sighed. “If it’s... if my suspicions are correct, then I will probably never see him again. Of course he won’t come ba -- Ah!” He cut himself off mid-sentence, eyes narrowing, focused on something on the other side of the crowd.
“What?” Duo, too, and looked in the direction Wufei had; he was not as tall, though, and could not see what the older man had seen. “What is it?” Actually, the crowd was thinning out; there was space to see and move between the men, now, and behind the walkers followed the horses...
Wufei didn’t answer for a moment, and then his posture relaxed and a faint sigh left him. “There, he’s finally back. Thank the Gods, I was becoming anxious --”
“Heero,” Duo breathed, and then he was gone.
Wufei stared; his mouth actually hung agape. In all his twenty-four years he had never seen anyone move that fast. The boy -- no, Duo, he should start thinking of him as Duo -- was like a streak of dark lightning, actually seeming to blur as he bolted across the distance separating him from the man on horseback.
Heero was actually sagging in his saddle as he rode; he felt very heavy today. The exhaustion of days of hard riding, of the arduous battle, of long nights without sleep all combined with the soul-sickness that such a defeat had left on him. He knew that it could have been much, so much worse -- that they had avoided a total calamity by a very narrow margin -- but still something in him always whispered that if he had ridden a little harder, acted a little faster, somehow he could have made things better...
He was startled out of his dark thoughts when he felt something strike him from the side -- he had not been on his guard, and he was too stunned to react as a weight forced him off the saddle from the other side and slammed him into the ground. Fortunately it was still soft, but it was still enough to force the air out o his lungs, as he blankly stared into the sky.
His view of the sky vanished, though, as a dark form loomed up over him -- a weight on his stomach pinned him to the ground as hands clutched his shoulders. Silhouetted against the sun he saw the long hair --long hair! -- falling forward onto his chest and neck as his lover bent down to fasten hungrily onto his lips.
Between the fall and the kiss, Heero wasn’t much inclined to move at first. Duo’s unexpected aggression had surprised him, and it was several minutes before he recollected enough presence of mind to break temporarily away from the kiss and struggle into a sitting position, holding onto Duo as the boy slid down into his lap. “Uh, Duo --”
Duo hugged him fiercely, nearly crushing the breath from his lungs, as he babbled on into Heero’s ear. “Heero, Heero -- thank the Gods, you made it back, you’re safe, you’re okay, I was so afraid for you, Heero, I thought you were dead -- oh Gods, I thought you were dead but you’re okay, you’re all right --”
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:44 am (UTC)“I’m alive,” Heero said breathlessly, and hugged him fiercely. He wanted to say something to Duo, to tell him how very much he loved him. He wanted to tell him how thoughts of Duo were the only things that had kept him going, kept him sane during the moments of chaos when everything around him was blood and fire. Or the nights spent on the torturous journey back, waiting for the next attack to come from the dark under the trees... all the words clogged up in his mouth and he found he couldn’t say anything at all. All he could do was clutch Duo to him.
Duo kissed Heero frantically, pulling him close, his hands and arms in constant motion as he tried to feel as much of Heero as he could. He couldn’t get enough, he needed more... more touch, more closeness, more reassurance. For a few hours, a few terrible hours, he had thought Heero was dead; the aching void that had overtaken him then was still there, at the edges of his consciousness. He ran his hands up Heero’s back, pushing up underneath his shirt to touch the skin. It wasn’t enough, and he moaned helplessly into Heero’s mouth; he needed to feel...
Heero sensed the urgency in Duo’s attitude, maybe even better than Duo himself did, and though it physically hurt to do so, he pushed Duo away. Duo whimpered with the loss of contact, but Heero silenced him with a gentle caress to his face. “Not here, love,” he whispered. “It’s too open here. Too exposed. I need to be someplace where nobody’s watching me, nobody’s looking at me... except you...”
Duo’s expression cleared, and he smiled the most beautiful smile Heero had ever seen. He had always loved Duo’s smile, from the first time he had been privileged with it, and every day there was more joy, more life to it. “Hurry, please...” he breathed into Heero’s ear. “I need to be near you...”
They had to help each other stand; neither one was completely steady on their feet. All the way to their tent Duo kept as close to Heero as he could, and still keep moving -- he thought it would drive him insane, to be so close to Heero and have to wait, when all he wanted to do was wrap himself around Heero and never let go. Heero, himself, gripped Duo’s arm tightly until he realized that he was leaving bruises, at which point he forced himself to loosen his hold.
They passed others on the way, of course, but most of the men didn’t even look up, too exhausted to focus on anything other than their own aches. The few who did see them quickly averted their eyes, allowing their commander as much privacy as could be done. Those who had been soldiers for a long time knew, more than anything else, the need to touch another human being, just once, without violence. Sneering aristocratic sensibilities, the pious mouthings of priests -- they all melted away in the face of this life of constant violence, in the need to be close to someone.
Someone. Anyone.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:45 am (UTC)No sooner had the tent flap fallen closed behind them than Heero found himself being pressed steadily backwards. Duo’s mouth was joined with Heero’s in a desperate kiss as he pushed Heero through the darkened space, illuminated only by the guttering candles Duo had lit before leaving the tent earlier. When the bed hit the backs of Heero’s legs, he fell backwards, pulling Duo down on top of him. On top of the blankets, they writhed steadily against each other, gasping as the contact deepened.
With a noise of frustration, Duo pulled his hands away from Heero’s face to scrabble at the ties holding his thick leather jacket closed. It was a minute before he could undo the heavy garment, and pushed it back open around Heero’s shoulders, sliding up the lighter shirt underneath. At last, he achieved satisfactory contact with Heero’s skin, running his hands all over Heero’s chest, and his back when the other boy arched up into the touch.
For Heero, the world was dissolving into the bliss of the contact, of Duo’s warm hands sliding over his flesh. He heard his own gasping breath as alien in his ears, mixed with the sound of Duo’s breathing, but neither of them wanted to break the moment with speech. He felt Duo’s hands yanking at the fastenings on his jacket, then on his pants, and realized in a flash of insight where this would lead. He did not choose to stop it, instead reaching up to return the favor. Duo’s own clothes, still borrowed from Quatre, were soft and simple -- drawstring pants and a single shirt. Duo cooperated, ducking his head to allow Heero to pull the garment off of him, before returning to his assault on Heero’s worn, combat-stained leather pants.
At last they were both free of constraint, and Duo sighed in relief as he settled his nude body atop Heero’s, reveling in the feeling of flushed skin pressed to his. Underneath his clothes, Heero was soft, and warm, and alive. He squirmed against the other boy, seeking to produce more sensation, and felt Heero’s hands travel down from where they had been clasped about his neck, to undo the band that held his braid in place. As he pulled his hands back, drawing the freed strands into a cascade of warm silk about them both, Duo caught his hands and claimed his mouth in another deep kiss.
He ground closer against Heero, rubbing each inch of skin together that he could. It wasn’t enough, wasn’t close enough; he still needed more. Unconsciously, he brought one leg up and rubbed his knee between Heero’s thighs. He gasped into Heero’s mouth as Heero parted his legs, and allowed his thigh to rub up against Heero’s groin. A flash of intense heat took over his brain, and it was a moment before he could see or even think straight again. At last he managed to regain his breath, and tried to speak. He couldn’t manage full sentences, or even coherent thoughts; the best he could do was, “Heero... you’re so... need to feel you...”
Insistently, Heero pulled Duo’s head down towards him, until his cheek lay against Heero’s jaw. “I’m yours,” he whispered into Duo’s ear, making him shiver. “Whatever you want, love. I want it too.”
Duo’s whole body shuddered, and with a desperate moan he tore himself away from Heero and struggled to his feet. Confused, Heero pushed himself up on his hands and watched as Duo stumbled across the floor in the flickering light. “Duo?” he asked, afraid that Duo wanted to end it, that he would leave Heero aching. “What is it?”
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:47 am (UTC)“Duo...” Heero breathed, clutching Duo’s hand and the blankets in equal grip, because he was sure that if he let them go he would fall. “You feel so good...”
That was enough to bring Duo back, to anchor him in the present moment, and he looked down into Heero’s face and couldn’t help but smile. “Was gonna say the same thing,” he panted, and Heero laughed breathlessly. “Tell me when you’re ready...”
“I’m ready,” Heero answered immediately, and it was the truth. There had been an instant of pain, but it was already faded into glorious pressure, and he had quickly adjusted to Duo. “Move, Duo, please --”
Duo moved. First a shallow roll of his hips, and then, encouraged by the sensuous moan that fell from Heero’s lips, he pulled out a little and thrust back in. The change in pressure, the delicious friction -- it was too much for him, and if he had been under any illusions that he could stop, they were now gone. Heero moved to meet him, matching the rhythm of his movements, and the pace that started slow but quickly increased.
One thrust pushed him inside even deeper than before, and Heero suddenly jerked on the bed and let out a hoarse yell. Instantly concerned, Duo stilled his movements and brought his hand up to caress his lover’s face. “Heero, what’s wrong? Did... did I hurt you?”
“Gods, Duo!” Heero cried, eyes squeezed shut. “Do that again!”
Duo breathed a sigh of relief, in the realization that the reaction had been pleasure, not pain, and then he remembered the place on the inside of his own body that had felt so good, and now he was seeing the effects without the masking of pain. He thrust again, this time experimentally aiming for the same spot, and was rewarded with another gasp of pleasure. And then it was out of his control; his body took over, drawing out of Heero and plunging back in, and he lost himself in the waves of pleasure that surged through them both.
Heero opened his eyes and looked up, and his breath caught in his lungs. Duo moved above him, eyes shut and head thrown back in ecstasy, his hair flowing down his back and over his hips where the two of them were joined. He looked like some heavenly creature, held far apart from the dirty mundanity of the only life Heero had ever known. The gods had given him Duo as a gift, he knew; a chance to live a real life, and his reward for taking it. All the promise of beauty Heero had glimpsed, the first time he had seen Duo, was fulfilled and so more than surpassed that Heero thought his heart would break in his chest. Something glorious rose up in him, and he had to shut his eyes against the flood of light that burst in front of them. “Duo... Duo!” he cried out, as he felt himself release over his and Duo’s stomach and chest.
Duo felt Heero’s muscles clamp down on him, and the additional pressure was too much for him. “Heero!” he shouted, clinging for dear life to his lover’s hand, and his shoulder, as he lost himself in Heero.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:48 am (UTC)“...love you,” came a muffled response, as Duo spent himself inside Heero and the muscles in his back and legs began to relax.
For a moment they stayed, unmoving in the aftermath of what they had both experienced. At last Duo stirred; the rush of need had passed, and he felt guilt threaten. “Heero?” he said breathlessly, kissing his lover’s still face. “Are you all right, Heero? Did I -- did I --” Biting his lip, Duo started to pull out of his lover, though every fiber of his being cried in protest.
Heero’s hand shot out and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back down again. “Don’t even think it,” he said sternly, though still catching his breath himself. “I wanted this as much as you. So stay. Please?”
Duo breathed a sigh of relief, and relaxed down onto Heero’s chest, still inside him. “I’ll never leave you if you don’t want me to,” he murmured.
“I’ll never want that.” They lay dazed in the afterglow, reveling in the lasting warmth, as exhaustion threatened. Heero had been in a hard, nearly constant struggle for nearly three days now; Duo, though not as physically active, was still plagued by lingering weakness and the emotional turmoil the past day had been.
“I thought you had died,” Duo began, after a while to sleep. “I thought I would never see you again. It hurt so much...”
“Don’t talk about it,” Heero commanded, silencing him with a kiss. “The past is over, and I’m not ready for the future yet. Just be with me now, and it will be enough.”
“Yes,” Duo sighed, and, laying his head on Heero’s shoulders, closed his eyes. It was enough; it was more than they had ever dreamed of having.