Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Spoil of War, book 2

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

As Quatre’s words began to sink in, Duo felt the paralysis of hope begin to creep over him. Was -- could -- Quatre possibly be right? If what he was saying was the truth, not just a convenient lie, then maybe, maybe... With a jolt, Duo realized what was going on. Quatre was holding him, talking to him, trying to comfort him -- and he wouldn’t, not if he were truly disgusted by Duo. “Is that true?” he asked shakily. Oh, Gods, please let it be true...!

“Of course it’s true,” Quatre said emphatically. “No matter what your body does, if you didn’t want it, then it was rape and it was wrong. And, Duo, don’t you ever say you deserved what happened. Never again! Nobody ever deserves that kind of horror, least of all the good, brave, kind person that I know you are.”

It was too much to hope for, too much to be believed ...but if he couldn’t trust Quatre, then who could he trust? He opened his mouth to speak again -- what to say, he never knew, because in that moment the last of his defenses broke down. Walls work both ways, no matter what they’re made of. He had tried so hard for so long to build himself walls to shut away the world; to lock the pain of the world outside him, and his secret shame inside. Those walls had begun to crumble from the first time he had locked eyes with Heero Yuy, and now they failed him at last; he had no control, none, none at all. And left -- all the way from the inside out -- vulnerable.

Warm arms surrounded him, rocked him gently. Quatre had a softness, a soothing that not even Heero could provide. He clung to it as he let himself go, to the harsh wracking sobs, and the uncontrollable flood of tears. And he was not ashamed that Quatre should see him like this, because he needed to let go; to leave himself open just for a little while, and have nothing bad come of it.

“Shhh, Duo, shhh... it’s all right,” the blond said soothingly. He, too, knew that this was something Duo needed -- for someone to tell him -- “It’s all right...”

“It hurt...” he whimpered, through his sobs. “It hurt, Quatre, it hurt so bad...”

“I know. I know.” He knew, better than anyone. He had set the breaks, stitched the cuts, felt the scars. The only wounds he could not see to heal were the ones on the inside. The ones made when a monster took a passionate, sensual young man whose body was just opening, and taught him irreparably that sex meant pain, that pleasure was to be feared, and that his body would always betray him. That took a different kind of healing, and this -- this catharsis -- maybe, was the start of it. “It’s all right, Duo. It’s over now.”