Goodbye LJ...
Feb. 20th, 2006 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windandwaterThis is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:35 am (UTC)He paused for a second, to try and take an account of how his ministrations were affecting his lover. He could hear the quickened, uneven breathing rushing in and out of Duo’s lungs, and his accelerated heartbeat was easy to feel in the artery that flowed through the groin into the leg. There was a tension in his muscles, a slight trembling in his limbs, that spoke to Heero of some distress or pain; but the same signals also matched Trowa’s description of arousal, and while Duo wasn’t completely hard yet, he was most definitely responding.
After a minute, Heero concluded that there were no danger signs yet, and it was safe to proceed. He had something of a plan, drawn from the information Trowa had provided him with and also from his own body’s feelings. Follow your instincts, he told himself. He didn’t think this was quite what Odin Lowe had in mind when he’d said that. But I will, all the same.
Taking a risk, Heero shifted his fingertips higher up in Duo’s groin, encircling his shaft. He could feel the pulse against the palm of his hand, as he leaned over to rub his cheek against it.
~This time there was no relief even when the hand released his genitals and the man stood from his crouch. The fresh cuts on his inflamed arousal burned horribly, only adding to the unwelcome flames licking through his flesh. He lay, panting, on the dirt floor, eyes clamped shut as he desperately tried to wrestle his reactions back under control. How... how could his body betray him this way? He couldn’t -- Gods, he couldn’t stop it -- he burned with humiliation and lust.~
~”Still fighting,” the man commented from above him, sounding mildly surprised. “I’m impressed, doll. You responded so sweetly under the kiss of steel, I’m amazed you have any will left to resist. Just as well, I suppose, no point in wasting that fire...”~
~An iron clamp fastened to the back of his head, hauling him off the ground by his hair. He winced at the sharp pains shooting through his scalp, and struggled to find a balance, on his knees, so that he wasn’t dangling in the air like an animal. He was only dimly aware of movement in front of him; he let his eyes slip closed, concentrating on quelling the alien fire racing through his veins. His comforting haze was snapped, though, as something was shoved rudely into his face.~
~”Suck.”~
Duo’s eyes flew open, but he couldn’t see the comforting, familiar room that he knew he was in, couldn’t see the dark tousled hair bending over him, couldn’t see anything but sickeningly familiar shapes looming in the shadows. It’s Heero! Heero! He repeated the name over and over again, trying to make his body believe that. No-one but Heero had ever given him this feeling, this sweet glow between his legs -- but his limbs trembled with the need to fight, run, struggle, escape, anything but stay here and relive this nightmare.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:35 am (UTC)He bit his lip, stilling the cry in his throat unborn. Focus, he told himself, focus on what’s happening now. Focus on Heero; he’s what’s important now. He knew the feel of Heero’s hands, the warmth and texture of his skin; he didn’t need to look down his body to know how he was laying featherlight touches everywhere. The touch was so heartbreakingly tender, that very gentleness the only thing that could reawaken nerves Duo had thought were long dead. Giving him a soft pleasure he’d never known he could feel.
~The flesh hanging before his face was putrid and pale, reeking of stale sweat and rot. Sickness welled up in his throat as he realized with a start what the man intended. Closing his eyes, he turned his face to the side, mutely refusing. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. They couldn’t make him.~
~The fingers in his hair tightened viciously, yanking back and down so that his face was forced upwards, exposing his throat. His eyes flew open, meeting the hard curl of the man’s mouth, the malicious glittering gaze. “Suck it, boy, or I’ll cut out those pretty purple eyes and rape the sockets. You don’t want that, do you? No? I thought not; now open your mouth!”~
He felt Heero’s palm encircle his shaft, drawing in one smooth motion from the base to the tip, and didn’t try to suppress the moan that left his mouth. The sound seemed to encourage his lover, who repeated the gentle stroke again and then again -- gaining a little confidence, as the skin to skin contact deepened.
More pleasure, pure sensation; Duo clung to it with every ounce of his strength. This was all that was real -- the rest was memory, that couldn’t hurt him any more. Duo clenched desperately at the blankets, seeking a firm anchor. Drown it out, Heero! Make it go away. Please, make it stop!
~Shudders wracked his body, squeezing a terrified whimper from his throat. He couldn’t. Gods, he couldn’t do that. He had to. He couldn’t... almost of their own will, his jaw unlocked, and his lips parted. Instantly, the thing was shoved into his mouth, filling him, choking him, boring against the back of his throat. He gagged, trying to pull back, but the hand on the back of his neck forced him inexorably forward and down.~
~”You’d better get started, boy -- you won’t breathe again until I come.” A choked noise of anguish wrenched from his throat, causing the man to hiss in delight. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to breathe. Desperately, he swallowed against the weight in his mouth, trying frantically to relieve some of the pressure. Somehow, the flesh swelled even further against his tongue; a twisted groan of pleasure was the only warning he had before the scalding liquid hit the back of his mouth and burned all the way down his throat.~
~When at last the spasms ceased, and the hand on the back of his head loosened enough for him to slide off the softened organ and onto the ground, he immediately vomited the stinking mess back up again.~
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:35 am (UTC)He bit his lip, stilling the cry in his throat unborn. Focus, he told himself, focus on what’s happening now. Focus on Heero; he’s what’s important now. He knew the feel of Heero’s hands, the warmth and texture of his skin; he didn’t need to look down his body to know how he was laying featherlight touches everywhere. The touch was so heartbreakingly tender, that very gentleness the only thing that could reawaken nerves Duo had thought were long dead. Giving him a soft pleasure he’d never known he could feel.
~The flesh hanging before his face was putrid and pale, reeking of stale sweat and rot. Sickness welled up in his throat as he realized with a start what the man intended. Closing his eyes, he turned his face to the side, mutely refusing. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. They couldn’t make him.~
~The fingers in his hair tightened viciously, yanking back and down so that his face was forced upwards, exposing his throat. His eyes flew open, meeting the hard curl of the man’s mouth, the malicious glittering gaze. “Suck it, boy, or I’ll cut out those pretty purple eyes and rape the sockets. You don’t want that, do you? No? I thought not; now open your mouth!”~
He felt Heero’s palm encircle his shaft, drawing in one smooth motion from the base to the tip, and didn’t try to suppress the moan that left his mouth. The sound seemed to encourage his lover, who repeated the gentle stroke again and then again -- gaining a little confidence, as the skin to skin contact deepened.
More pleasure, pure sensation; Duo clung to it with every ounce of his strength. This was all that was real -- the rest was memory, that couldn’t hurt him any more. Duo clenched desperately at the blankets, seeking a firm anchor. Drown it out, Heero! Make it go away. Please, make it stop!
~Shudders wracked his body, squeezing a terrified whimper from his throat. He couldn’t. Gods, he couldn’t do that. He had to. He couldn’t... almost of their own will, his jaw unlocked, and his lips parted. Instantly, the thing was shoved into his mouth, filling him, choking him, boring against the back of his throat. He gagged, trying to pull back, but the hand on the back of his neck forced him inexorably forward and down.~
~”You’d better get started, boy -- you won’t breathe again until I come.” A choked noise of anguish wrenched from his throat, causing the man to hiss in delight. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to breathe. Desperately, he swallowed against the weight in his mouth, trying frantically to relieve some of the pressure. Somehow, the flesh swelled even further against his tongue; a twisted groan of pleasure was the only warning he had before the scalding liquid hit the back of his mouth and burned all the way down his throat.~
~When at last the spasms ceased, and the hand on the back of his head loosened enough for him to slide off the softened organ and onto the ground, he immediately vomited the stinking mess back up again.~
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:35 am (UTC)An explosive gasp from Duo rewarded his efforts, and Heero felt a smile threatening. Maybe he could still do this, inexperience or not. He experimented a bit; running his tongue in circles about the flesh in his mouth, opening a bit wider to see how much he could take. He felt a shudder run through Duo’s body, and spread his hand around the base of Duo’s length to steady him.
~”You’re very good, little doll,” the voice crooned in a hideous parody of a soothing tone. He shuddered, lying face down in the stinking mud with bitter fluids leaking out of his nose and mouth; eyes squeezed shut against the threatening pressure there. He wouldn’t cry. Even now, by the Gods, they would not make him cry! But the slimy voice wouldn’t let him be. “I knew you would be. Such a fiery spirit had to have a sensual body; you’re quite the natural...”~
~He made a strangled croak, that might have been a sound of denial, and a nasty laugh sounded above him. “Disagree, do you? Well, we’ll see how long that lasts.”~
~The burning hands on him again; he was too weak, his muscles trembling with fatigue, to put up more than feeble resistance as they gripped the backs of his thighs, digging in hard enough to bruise, and spread them wide. A sudden dread seized him by the throat as he realized where this was going, that the man wasn’t finished yet. But even guessing gave him no preparation for the sudden searing agony as something pierced his body, violating his entrance.~
~Uttering a little half-sob, he struggled to move away, to escape the assault; useless, as the invader pressed forward, scraping against his sensitive inner walls. It hurt, in a way that nothing ever had before -- this feeling of intrusion -- violation. Without warning, the hand slammed forward, driving even farther into his body and hitting something that set his entire universe on fire. What was meant to be a scream suddenly mutated into a passionate moan, echoing in his own disbelieving ears. Horrified, he felt his own hips bucking up against the intruding fingers; against his will, his back arched off the ground, pressing him backwards, seeking to feel that spot again. “You like this?” the voice hissed. “You want more?”~
Quite pleased with himself, Heero had discovered the trick for getting past the gag reflex, and was rather proud that he could swallow Duo’s erection to the root. Careful to keep his teeth clear of the sensitive flesh, Heero worked the flesh in his mouth as best as he could; sliding his tongue up and down the length, swallowing softly, encouraged by the moans and cried he received in return for his efforts.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:35 am (UTC)An explosive gasp from Duo rewarded his efforts, and Heero felt a smile threatening. Maybe he could still do this, inexperience or not. He experimented a bit; running his tongue in circles about the flesh in his mouth, opening a bit wider to see how much he could take. He felt a shudder run through Duo’s body, and spread his hand around the base of Duo’s length to steady him.
~”You’re very good, little doll,” the voice crooned in a hideous parody of a soothing tone. He shuddered, lying face down in the stinking mud with bitter fluids leaking out of his nose and mouth; eyes squeezed shut against the threatening pressure there. He wouldn’t cry. Even now, by the Gods, they would not make him cry! But the slimy voice wouldn’t let him be. “I knew you would be. Such a fiery spirit had to have a sensual body; you’re quite the natural...”~
~He made a strangled croak, that might have been a sound of denial, and a nasty laugh sounded above him. “Disagree, do you? Well, we’ll see how long that lasts.”~
~The burning hands on him again; he was too weak, his muscles trembling with fatigue, to put up more than feeble resistance as they gripped the backs of his thighs, digging in hard enough to bruise, and spread them wide. A sudden dread seized him by the throat as he realized where this was going, that the man wasn’t finished yet. But even guessing gave him no preparation for the sudden searing agony as something pierced his body, violating his entrance.~
~Uttering a little half-sob, he struggled to move away, to escape the assault; useless, as the invader pressed forward, scraping against his sensitive inner walls. It hurt, in a way that nothing ever had before -- this feeling of intrusion -- violation. Without warning, the hand slammed forward, driving even farther into his body and hitting something that set his entire universe on fire. What was meant to be a scream suddenly mutated into a passionate moan, echoing in his own disbelieving ears. Horrified, he felt his own hips bucking up against the intruding fingers; against his will, his back arched off the ground, pressing him backwards, seeking to feel that spot again. “You like this?” the voice hissed. “You want more?”~
Quite pleased with himself, Heero had discovered the trick for getting past the gag reflex, and was rather proud that he could swallow Duo’s erection to the root. Careful to keep his teeth clear of the sensitive flesh, Heero worked the flesh in his mouth as best as he could; sliding his tongue up and down the length, swallowing softly, encouraged by the moans and cried he received in return for his efforts.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)Raising his head for a breath, he looked up at Duo and saw the way his hands rhythmically clenched at the blanket, the arch of his throat as his head was thrown back. Good.
He returned his attention to Duo’s arousal, swirling his tongue around the tip before taking the entire length in his mouth again. His hands free, he walked his fingers down from where they rested on Duo’s hip, seeking the sensitive skin behind his testicles; he knew he’d found the right spot both from the change in texture, under his fingertip going to satiny-smooth, and the sudden jump from the flesh in his mouth. He kept his hand there, stroking gently, focusing all his attention on his lover’s pleasure. Duo was getting close, he could feel it -- very close...
~Distantly, he heard his own voice sobbing; even once the probing fingers withdrew, the sudden craving still tormented him. Blurrily, he raised his eyes to see the man lazily licking his blood from the hand that had pierced him. “So sweet,” the man purred, voice oozing with pleasure. “Such an eager little doll. Hungry for more. Well, well... I’m never one to disappoint...”~
~”No,” he gasped. Having to force out each word, each breath. “I don’t want... I don’t want...”~
He needed -- he needed. He wasn’t in control of his body any more, he wasn’t in control of anything, he was nothing but a writhing bundle of nerves and need...
~”You like this,” the man hissed as the fingers dug bruisingly into his hips, pulling him up. “You want this.” He burned, he was empty, he desperately craved completion. NO!~
~”I don’t!”~
~He screamed his denial even as the man thrust brutally forward, ripping into him, tearing open the wounds made only moments before. Screamed again as the man pounded into him, impaled him, like he would be split in two. And then again it was like some foreign hand had taken control of him, wringing a guttural moan from him even as it rocked his hips against the ground, grinding dirt and sand into the fresh slices on his groin but hungering, craving the friction...~
He sobbed, silently, as the echoes washed through him and over him -- it was too much the same as before, this feeling, building in him, sending him to unendurable heights.
~...trapped, a prisoner in his own traitorous flesh, despising the lust that gripped him even as a part of him enjoyed it. As his soul shriveled in horror, as his body responded to his rapist’s touch, rising uncontrollably towards --
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)Raising his head for a breath, he looked up at Duo and saw the way his hands rhythmically clenched at the blanket, the arch of his throat as his head was thrown back. Good.
He returned his attention to Duo’s arousal, swirling his tongue around the tip before taking the entire length in his mouth again. His hands free, he walked his fingers down from where they rested on Duo’s hip, seeking the sensitive skin behind his testicles; he knew he’d found the right spot both from the change in texture, under his fingertip going to satiny-smooth, and the sudden jump from the flesh in his mouth. He kept his hand there, stroking gently, focusing all his attention on his lover’s pleasure. Duo was getting close, he could feel it -- very close...
~Distantly, he heard his own voice sobbing; even once the probing fingers withdrew, the sudden craving still tormented him. Blurrily, he raised his eyes to see the man lazily licking his blood from the hand that had pierced him. “So sweet,” the man purred, voice oozing with pleasure. “Such an eager little doll. Hungry for more. Well, well... I’m never one to disappoint...”~
~”No,” he gasped. Having to force out each word, each breath. “I don’t want... I don’t want...”~
He needed -- he needed. He wasn’t in control of his body any more, he wasn’t in control of anything, he was nothing but a writhing bundle of nerves and need...
~”You like this,” the man hissed as the fingers dug bruisingly into his hips, pulling him up. “You want this.” He burned, he was empty, he desperately craved completion. NO!~
~”I don’t!”~
~He screamed his denial even as the man thrust brutally forward, ripping into him, tearing open the wounds made only moments before. Screamed again as the man pounded into him, impaled him, like he would be split in two. And then again it was like some foreign hand had taken control of him, wringing a guttural moan from him even as it rocked his hips against the ground, grinding dirt and sand into the fresh slices on his groin but hungering, craving the friction...~
He sobbed, silently, as the echoes washed through him and over him -- it was too much the same as before, this feeling, building in him, sending him to unendurable heights.
~...trapped, a prisoner in his own traitorous flesh, despising the lust that gripped him even as a part of him enjoyed it. As his soul shriveled in horror, as his body responded to his rapist’s touch, rising uncontrollably towards --
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)He trembled on the edge of release, hanging on with all his desperate strength, unable to breathe, unable to see. He was drowning in a pleasure, a pressure so intense that any moment now it would flash over into pain. What was the difference?
A motion dimly registered; a sound broke through the fog, reaching him just enough that he could open his eyes. His vision focused on blue, the beautiful blue of Heero’s eyes, and was filled with a wave of self-loathing. What kind of disgusting creature was he, to use Heero for his own sexual gratification like this? He was no better, and now Heero saw, and now Heero knew...
But Heero looked down at him with such a soft, such a tender expression, and one hand was cradling his cheek so gently. “Let go, love,” Heero coaxed him. “For me. I love you. Let go.”
Love.
Not hate.
Given.
Not taken.
That was all the difference.
A despairing sob broke from him, in the instant before he surrendered to his climax.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)He trembled on the edge of release, hanging on with all his desperate strength, unable to breathe, unable to see. He was drowning in a pleasure, a pressure so intense that any moment now it would flash over into pain. What was the difference?
A motion dimly registered; a sound broke through the fog, reaching him just enough that he could open his eyes. His vision focused on blue, the beautiful blue of Heero’s eyes, and was filled with a wave of self-loathing. What kind of disgusting creature was he, to use Heero for his own sexual gratification like this? He was no better, and now Heero saw, and now Heero knew...
But Heero looked down at him with such a soft, such a tender expression, and one hand was cradling his cheek so gently. “Let go, love,” Heero coaxed him. “For me. I love you. Let go.”
Love.
Not hate.
Given.
Not taken.
That was all the difference.
A despairing sob broke from him, in the instant before he surrendered to his climax.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)Duos body spasmed and shook for almost a minute, before going limp in Heero’s arms. Biting his lip anxiously, Heero cradled his lover protectively in his arms, stroking at the locks of hair that had escaped from their prison. “Duo...?” he called tentatively, suddenly fearful that he’d made the worst mistake of his life. Had he pushed too far, too fast, and forced Duo into something he hadn’t wanted?
There might never be another chance, Heero argued to himself. But he couldn’t stop the cold sinking feeling in the pit of his belly. “Duo?” He shifted around, so that he could see Duo’s face, and the slight chill he’d felt enveloped his guts in a block of ice. Duo was crying, silent, salt-crystal tears squeezing past the barriers of his tightly closed eyes to drip down into his hair. “Oh, Gods, Duo, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking -- now I’ve ruined everything, I’ve hurt you! That was the last thing I ever wanted to do, Duo, I swear it, I’m sorry --”
“Shh,” came the faint reply, and after a moment Duo slowly opened his eyes. They glittered with more tears, but he slowly raised his hand and covered Heero’s where it rested on Duo’s shoulder. “You did everything right,” he whispered. “Absolutely right.”
“But you’re crying,” Heero said helplessly. “I’ve hurt you.”
Slowly, Duo shook his head, and let his eyes fall half-closed. “You didn’t. I’m not lying. You --” He broke off for a moment, and his eyes widened again as the answer came to him.
“You set me free,” he finished, in a hushed, awed tone.
Although he wasn’t quite convinced yet, Heero began to relax, still holding Duo protectively close. “I don’t understand,” he muttered.
Duo didn’t answer, just clung to him closely, savoring his warmth. He couldn’t stop the tears that dripped down his face, but they weren’t tears of pain, or even of regret. He was crying because he finally realized -- for the first time in a long, long time -- that he was free.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)Free.
The crushing burden of constant fear and endless pain had been with him so long that he had become accustomed to it. Free; the chains binding him had cut so deeply that his flesh had healed over them, rendering them invisible. Free, a word whose meaning had become so alien to him that he did not even recognize his salvation when it came.
Safe. Not a reprieve of a few minutes, or an hour, or even the precious gift of one night. Safe; from here on endlessly into the future, no-one would hurt him. Safe, because Heero loved him, and Heero would protect him for as long as he lived.
Not a prisoner any more, not a slave or a toy. He was guarded, he was saved, and he was loved. And that was the most important thing of all.
All too soon, though, the morning followed the night. And it was time to go.
The little valley was filled to the brim with noise and movement and men; all the lassitude that had set in over the long weeks of waiting was replaced, finally, with the buzzing energy of anticipation. Even the tense excitement of the week before, the hectic week of preparation, could not compare to this one moment -- the beginning of a journey that would end, for too many of them, in death. Some of the men -- officers, or messengers -- rode horses through the melee, and a few necessary wagons would follow the army right up to the scene of battle. Most of the men, however, were on foot, and the marching crowd seemed to go on endlessly.
General Chang and the other senior officers were already lost to sight; Heero Yuy lingered for just a few minutes more, on the edge of the crowd. His horse was edgy, affected by the clamor and the chaos, but it was a trained war steed and Heero easily held it in check, using the body of the horse to block the view of the passing crowd. Duo was just as glad; even if the crowd of men no longer paralyzed him with helpless panic, this was a private moment that he wanted to share with no-one.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:37 am (UTC)And yet, now that the moment had come, Duo came up with no words to say. He didn’t want to say good-bye; it sounded too final, and yet anything less would be an insult to the danger Heero was going to face.
“Come back to me,” he said at last; barely above a whisper, but Heero heard. Their eyes were locked, oblivious to the rest of the world, and he raised one uncertain hand to rest on Heero’s thigh. Wordlessly, Heero captured his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. Duo hesitated, but couldn’t think of anything better to say, so he only repeated himself again. “Come back to me.” Come back safe, come back soon, come back triumphant. It didn’t matter when, and it didn’t matter how; all that mattered was that he would return.
“Promise,” Heero said, his tone just as soft. His arms ached to hold Duo to him, but he knew that he could not. Instead, he leaned down, and dropped a tender kiss on Duo’s upturned face. “Love you,” he murmured.
Duo only nodded, his throat too choked, and Heero gave him one last gentle smile before straightening his back and urging his horse to motion. Duo watched him go; proud, strong, upright soldier... But too soon he was lost among the crowd. Duo found a nearby stack of empty crates, discarded wooden barrels, and unsteadily climbed atop them. From this vantage, he could see over the heads of the walking men, and catch glimpses of the mounted riders as they threaded through the press.
It took hours for the last of the army to trickle out of the camp, leaving it scarcely inhabited, dusty and bare. Even when the encampment was empty he stayed still on his perch, watching the crowd slowly vanish into the distance; watching the cloud of dust they raised flicker and fall like a heatwave. Only once the sun began setting, the last of the rays catching in the faraway dust and painting the trail blood red, did he finally turn away and limp down to the ground.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:36 am (UTC)Duos body spasmed and shook for almost a minute, before going limp in Heero’s arms. Biting his lip anxiously, Heero cradled his lover protectively in his arms, stroking at the locks of hair that had escaped from their prison. “Duo...?” he called tentatively, suddenly fearful that he’d made the worst mistake of his life. Had he pushed too far, too fast, and forced Duo into something he hadn’t wanted?
There might never be another chance, Heero argued to himself. But he couldn’t stop the cold sinking feeling in the pit of his belly. “Duo?” He shifted around, so that he could see Duo’s face, and the slight chill he’d felt enveloped his guts in a block of ice. Duo was crying, silent, salt-crystal tears squeezing past the barriers of his tightly closed eyes to drip down into his hair. “Oh, Gods, Duo, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking -- now I’ve ruined everything, I’ve hurt you! That was the last thing I ever wanted to do, Duo, I swear it, I’m sorry --”
“Shh,” came the faint reply, and after a moment Duo slowly opened his eyes. They glittered with more tears, but he slowly raised his hand and covered Heero’s where it rested on Duo’s shoulder. “You did everything right,” he whispered. “Absolutely right.”
“But you’re crying,” Heero said helplessly. “I’ve hurt you.”
Slowly, Duo shook his head, and let his eyes fall half-closed. “You didn’t. I’m not lying. You --” He broke off for a moment, and his eyes widened again as the answer came to him.
“You set me free,” he finished, in a hushed, awed tone.
Although he wasn’t quite convinced yet, Heero began to relax, still holding Duo protectively close. “I don’t understand,” he muttered.
Duo didn’t answer, just clung to him closely, savoring his warmth. He couldn’t stop the tears that dripped down his face, but they weren’t tears of pain, or even of regret. He was crying because he finally realized -- for the first time in a long, long time -- that he was free.