Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

His eyes stayed empty, fixed on the folds and valleys of the blanket on the bed. Heero hadn’t moved an inch since stumbling, like a blind man or a cripple, back into his quarters and landing heavily in his chair. The sun filtered through the slits in the roof as it always had; no more warm air escaped the canvas walls than ever did. That was not what made the tent so dark, so cold. It was the stillness -- the emptiness of the bed he hadn’t slept in for weeks that leeched the heat and light from the world.

It was as though he were slowly turning to stone; through the flap that opened onto the world, he could see soldiers coming and going, as the busyness of life and the war went on. It was the only business, the only world Heero had ever known -- but he could not say that the war had been his life, for he’d had no life at all, nor even known what he was lacking. But to have had that life, to have had a soul, just for a little while, and then to lose it? It hurt, more than anything he’d ever imagined.

He had lost. That was all there was to it; the precious thing that had fallen into his life had been torn away just as abruptly, and he just had to learn to accept it. Duo would go south with Hilde, the girl that he loved, and leave Heero behind. It was all for the best, really... it was best for Duo. Hilde had been right; Duo needed peace and quiet to get better. He deserved a peaceful life with the woman he loved, not shackled to a cold-hearted soldier and surrounded by reminders of his pain. For Duo’s own good, Heero would let him go... then, at least, he could dream of the Duo that Hilde had described. Duo as he should have been.

His hands moved to clench at the tabletop; muscles protested the sudden movement after too long spent motionless, but his eyes narrowed as his body tensed. Hilde had just passed by on the road, hurrying and uncertain. Alone.

His body stood abruptly from the chair, moving without conscious will or desire. A new kind of coldness had settled in his gut, itching along his nerves. If Hilde had returned, then where was Duo? He strode quickly out of the tent and grabbed the nearest soldier, demanding if he had seen the missing boy.

Nobody had seen him. The cold feeling intensified. He rewound and replayed his memory; had Duo had his crutches with him? It wouldn’t matter. He couldn’t travel the uneven ground safely, crutches or no. He would never have been able to get out to the forest clearing without Hilde’s help... but she had abandoned him. Heero clenched his jaw against the cold twitching in his nerves, and set out double-time back into the darkness beneath the trees.

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He found Duo in the woods, not far from the green clearing. The other boy was slowly making his way back towards the camp; at least, in the right direction. But the woods were unfamiliar, dark and tangled; he didn’t have his crutches. Instead, he’d found a sturdy tree branch to help him walk, but he still faltered as he struggled over the uneven ground.

He stumbled just as Heero caught sight of him, dragging foot catching on a fallen branch as the rocky ground crumbled away beneath his makeshift crutch. His hands flew out as he began to fall, and caught hold of a nearby tree branch; still, he jarred heavily against the trunk, and his hands scraped on the rough bark. The fall sent a jolt of panic down Heero’s spine, and he covered the last of the distance in a flash. Fury born of fear rose in him; at Hilde, for leaving Duo to fend for himself; at Duo, for trying to make it back on his own; and most inexplicably, at himself. Duo looked up as Heero approached through the underbrush, and the relief and joy that lit up his whole demeanor warmed Heero’s heart. But whatever Duo saw in his face, his own expression quickly shuttered and lost its light; the warmth Heero had felt froze and shattered.

“Idiot,” he heard his own voice say coldly. “What did you think you were doing, coming out into the woods? You can’t even walk on your own!”

The worry he felt, his relief that Duo was safe and upset that he was hurt, came out distorted and deformed in his words to icy disdain. Duo’s smile flickered and died, and he dropped his eyes, not wanting to see the anger on Heero’s face. Heero forced himself to school his expression, his tone to one of neutrality. Almost of their own volition, his arms reached out to Duo to support him, pulling him away from the trunk. Unconsciously, Duo leaned into the safety of his grasp, longing for the comfort it brought. Heero sighed, familiar exasperation leaking back into his voice. “I don’t like it when you do things like this,” he said, not realizing until he felt Duo stiffen that he’d spoken the words out loud. Idiot! he told himself savagely. What does he care what you like or don’t like? He does what he wants to do! He sought to explain himself. “You’re only delaying your recovery with these stunts.”

When he’d heard Heero’s first statement, Duo held his breath in sudden hope, but his next words crushed the air out of him. He only wants you healed so you’ll get out of his way, the little imp whispered. You’ve taken advantage of him for so long, no wonder he wants to be rid of you! “Sorry, Heero,” he said softly. “I just wasn’t thinking, I guess.”

“Hn.” Heero could think of nothing to say. Instead, he concentrated on the problem posed of getting Duo back to the encampment. The obvious solution -- the best way, a part of him whispered -- was to carry him. But what if Duo didn’t want to be touched by him? All he could hope for was that Duo wouldn’t fear him, wouldn’t hate him; that would be the one thing that Heero could not take. Heero shoved his rebellious thoughts ruthlessly aside. His own feelings didn’t matter. Only Duo did. “Do I have to carry you back?”

Duo stiffened, and yanked away from Heero’s arms to lean heavily on his makeshift crutch. “No. I’m not helpless. I can walk.” He struggled to keep his voice level, not breaking like it wanted to do under the weight of Heero’s sarcasm.

Out of sight by his side, Heero’s hand clenched convulsively. He said nothing more, though, as Duo struggled stubbornly onwards; only reaching out to support the other boy when he stumbled.

It was a long, silent trek back.

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He found Duo in the woods, not far from the green clearing. The other boy was slowly making his way back towards the camp; at least, in the right direction. But the woods were unfamiliar, dark and tangled; he didn’t have his crutches. Instead, he’d found a sturdy tree branch to help him walk, but he still faltered as he struggled over the uneven ground.

He stumbled just as Heero caught sight of him, dragging foot catching on a fallen branch as the rocky ground crumbled away beneath his makeshift crutch. His hands flew out as he began to fall, and caught hold of a nearby tree branch; still, he jarred heavily against the trunk, and his hands scraped on the rough bark. The fall sent a jolt of panic down Heero’s spine, and he covered the last of the distance in a flash. Fury born of fear rose in him; at Hilde, for leaving Duo to fend for himself; at Duo, for trying to make it back on his own; and most inexplicably, at himself. Duo looked up as Heero approached through the underbrush, and the relief and joy that lit up his whole demeanor warmed Heero’s heart. But whatever Duo saw in his face, his own expression quickly shuttered and lost its light; the warmth Heero had felt froze and shattered.

“Idiot,” he heard his own voice say coldly. “What did you think you were doing, coming out into the woods? You can’t even walk on your own!”

The worry he felt, his relief that Duo was safe and upset that he was hurt, came out distorted and deformed in his words to icy disdain. Duo’s smile flickered and died, and he dropped his eyes, not wanting to see the anger on Heero’s face. Heero forced himself to school his expression, his tone to one of neutrality. Almost of their own volition, his arms reached out to Duo to support him, pulling him away from the trunk. Unconsciously, Duo leaned into the safety of his grasp, longing for the comfort it brought. Heero sighed, familiar exasperation leaking back into his voice. “I don’t like it when you do things like this,” he said, not realizing until he felt Duo stiffen that he’d spoken the words out loud. Idiot! he told himself savagely. What does he care what you like or don’t like? He does what he wants to do! He sought to explain himself. “You’re only delaying your recovery with these stunts.”

When he’d heard Heero’s first statement, Duo held his breath in sudden hope, but his next words crushed the air out of him. He only wants you healed so you’ll get out of his way, the little imp whispered. You’ve taken advantage of him for so long, no wonder he wants to be rid of you! “Sorry, Heero,” he said softly. “I just wasn’t thinking, I guess.”

“Hn.” Heero could think of nothing to say. Instead, he concentrated on the problem posed of getting Duo back to the encampment. The obvious solution -- the best way, a part of him whispered -- was to carry him. But what if Duo didn’t want to be touched by him? All he could hope for was that Duo wouldn’t fear him, wouldn’t hate him; that would be the one thing that Heero could not take. Heero shoved his rebellious thoughts ruthlessly aside. His own feelings didn’t matter. Only Duo did. “Do I have to carry you back?”

Duo stiffened, and yanked away from Heero’s arms to lean heavily on his makeshift crutch. “No. I’m not helpless. I can walk.” He struggled to keep his voice level, not breaking like it wanted to do under the weight of Heero’s sarcasm.

Out of sight by his side, Heero’s hand clenched convulsively. He said nothing more, though, as Duo struggled stubbornly onwards; only reaching out to support the other boy when he stumbled.

It was a long, silent trek back.

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Quatre looked up from the precise rows of characters in his book when the front of the tent rattled. He closed it and set it on the desk when he saw who it was, pushing his chair back from his desk. “Oh, Heero, there you are! Trowa was looking for you earlier. He -- Duo?” he broke off with a gasp as Heero helped Duo into the tent, half-carrying the weakened boy. He was on his feet in a flash, the doctor mask sliding quickly into place. “What happened to him?”

“He hiked out into the woods and back without his crutches,” Heero growled. His face was thunderous as he settled Duo onto the couch, his hands unconsciously lingering just a little too long.

In a glance, Quatre took in the swelling in Duo’s injured legs, the cuts and abrasions decorating his skin from contact with the rough trees. As Heero moved back to give Quatre room, Duo released Heero’s sleeve almost reluctantly. “Duo, what -- you’re shaking!” Quatre took hold of his hands and turned them over to get a better look at the scrapes, and immediately saw the uncontrollable trembling in his arms. “What on Earth happened?”

“Nothing,” Duo gasped out, trying unsuccessfully to pull his hands back, hide the marks. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just -- just walking back through the camp, a-and everyone was staring, and I -- I --”

“Calm down!” Heero snapped at him, but far too anxious and upset himself for the command to have any effect.

“They’re just curious,” Quatre said, quietly reassuring. Gently but firmly, he turned Duo sideways on the seat and eased his leg out straight. “Soldiers like to gossip as much as anyone. I’m sure they meant no harm.” He ran his hands over Duo’s injured shoulder and ribs, but felt no pain; reassured that nothing had rebroken, he snagged his bag off the end of the table and began rummaging through it.

“I know,” Duo kept repeating. “It’s nothing. I know that! I’m trying n-not to panic, but they were all looking at me like...”

“He exhausted himself,” Heero said to Quatre, face tense and drawn. “And Gods only know how many times he fell.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Quatre soothed, torn between attending Duo and reassuring Heero. “He’s just tired and a little shaken up, that’s all. Duo? Can you drink some of this for me? That’s good,” he said, smiling encouragingly as he pressed the cup into Duo’s hands. “I’ll check the scrapes to make sure they won’t get infected, and then you can take him home.”

He felt Duo suddenly tensing beside him at the same time he heard the sudden chill silence take over the room. Startled, he looked up and was taken aback by the agitation in Heero’s eyes, that he tried and failed to cover with an emotionless mask. “Heero?”

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Quatre looked up from the precise rows of characters in his book when the front of the tent rattled. He closed it and set it on the desk when he saw who it was, pushing his chair back from his desk. “Oh, Heero, there you are! Trowa was looking for you earlier. He -- Duo?” he broke off with a gasp as Heero helped Duo into the tent, half-carrying the weakened boy. He was on his feet in a flash, the doctor mask sliding quickly into place. “What happened to him?”

“He hiked out into the woods and back without his crutches,” Heero growled. His face was thunderous as he settled Duo onto the couch, his hands unconsciously lingering just a little too long.

In a glance, Quatre took in the swelling in Duo’s injured legs, the cuts and abrasions decorating his skin from contact with the rough trees. As Heero moved back to give Quatre room, Duo released Heero’s sleeve almost reluctantly. “Duo, what -- you’re shaking!” Quatre took hold of his hands and turned them over to get a better look at the scrapes, and immediately saw the uncontrollable trembling in his arms. “What on Earth happened?”

“Nothing,” Duo gasped out, trying unsuccessfully to pull his hands back, hide the marks. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just -- just walking back through the camp, a-and everyone was staring, and I -- I --”

“Calm down!” Heero snapped at him, but far too anxious and upset himself for the command to have any effect.

“They’re just curious,” Quatre said, quietly reassuring. Gently but firmly, he turned Duo sideways on the seat and eased his leg out straight. “Soldiers like to gossip as much as anyone. I’m sure they meant no harm.” He ran his hands over Duo’s injured shoulder and ribs, but felt no pain; reassured that nothing had rebroken, he snagged his bag off the end of the table and began rummaging through it.

“I know,” Duo kept repeating. “It’s nothing. I know that! I’m trying n-not to panic, but they were all looking at me like...”

“He exhausted himself,” Heero said to Quatre, face tense and drawn. “And Gods only know how many times he fell.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Quatre soothed, torn between attending Duo and reassuring Heero. “He’s just tired and a little shaken up, that’s all. Duo? Can you drink some of this for me? That’s good,” he said, smiling encouragingly as he pressed the cup into Duo’s hands. “I’ll check the scrapes to make sure they won’t get infected, and then you can take him home.”

He felt Duo suddenly tensing beside him at the same time he heard the sudden chill silence take over the room. Startled, he looked up and was taken aback by the agitation in Heero’s eyes, that he tried and failed to cover with an emotionless mask. “Heero?”

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

“He’ll stay here tonight,” Heero said flatly, decisively. Quatre could hardly believe the words; all other times, Heero had insisted on keeping Duo to the safety of his quarters whenever possible. “You and Trowa can care for him adequately, I trust.”

“Heero, it’s really not necessary,” Quatre began, shocked. Duo was his friend, of course, and if Duo needed somewhere to go then of course they could put him up in his tent... but he didn’t think it was necessary. He was cut off, though, by Duo’s cold furious voice.

“I’m not an invalid, Heero,” he said softly, staring intently at the floor. “I don’t need to stay with the doctor.”

“You can’t fall ill now,” Heero argued. “You’ll need to be fit to travel in a few days, when the units move south.”

Duo’s eyes shot back up to Heero’s face, horrified, but he found himself left speechless, which Heero took for agreement. Quatre saw, though, the way he avoided Duo’s eyes when he turned back to the doctor. “I have things that have to be done, Quatre. See to Duo.” And he fled, quickly, never waiting for an answer.

Unsatisfied, and not a little angry, Quatre rounded on Duo. “You’re leaving, Duo? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“News to me!” Duo snarled, struggling to his feet. Quatre placed his hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down. “He’s sending me away!”

“But why?” he asked, more gently, and after a moment Duo slumped helplessly back against the seat. He lowered his head, letting his untidy bangs fall to cover his face.

“I guess it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” he whispered, barely audible to Quatre’s ears. “Heero’s... Colonel Yuy’s a busy man. He doesn’t want damaged goods cluttering up his quarters.”

With a gasp, Quatre released his shoulders and drew back. “You’re not serious, Duo! You know Heero wouldn’t...”

“And why not?” Duo countered, and when he raised his head Quatre could see tears fighting to escape his eyes. “What could he possibly want with me, Quatre? He’s the big fish in this pond; he can have anything he wants! Why should he waste his time on an ex-Oz whore?”

Quatre sat stunned by the bitter self-hatred in Duo’s tone, for a moment too long. Duo struggled to his feet and pushed past him, limping towards the door. It really was too soon for him to be off the crutches, but the pain in his bones came nowhere near to matching the pain in his heart.

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

“He’ll stay here tonight,” Heero said flatly, decisively. Quatre could hardly believe the words; all other times, Heero had insisted on keeping Duo to the safety of his quarters whenever possible. “You and Trowa can care for him adequately, I trust.”

“Heero, it’s really not necessary,” Quatre began, shocked. Duo was his friend, of course, and if Duo needed somewhere to go then of course they could put him up in his tent... but he didn’t think it was necessary. He was cut off, though, by Duo’s cold furious voice.

“I’m not an invalid, Heero,” he said softly, staring intently at the floor. “I don’t need to stay with the doctor.”

“You can’t fall ill now,” Heero argued. “You’ll need to be fit to travel in a few days, when the units move south.”

Duo’s eyes shot back up to Heero’s face, horrified, but he found himself left speechless, which Heero took for agreement. Quatre saw, though, the way he avoided Duo’s eyes when he turned back to the doctor. “I have things that have to be done, Quatre. See to Duo.” And he fled, quickly, never waiting for an answer.

Unsatisfied, and not a little angry, Quatre rounded on Duo. “You’re leaving, Duo? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“News to me!” Duo snarled, struggling to his feet. Quatre placed his hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down. “He’s sending me away!”

“But why?” he asked, more gently, and after a moment Duo slumped helplessly back against the seat. He lowered his head, letting his untidy bangs fall to cover his face.

“I guess it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” he whispered, barely audible to Quatre’s ears. “Heero’s... Colonel Yuy’s a busy man. He doesn’t want damaged goods cluttering up his quarters.”

With a gasp, Quatre released his shoulders and drew back. “You’re not serious, Duo! You know Heero wouldn’t...”

“And why not?” Duo countered, and when he raised his head Quatre could see tears fighting to escape his eyes. “What could he possibly want with me, Quatre? He’s the big fish in this pond; he can have anything he wants! Why should he waste his time on an ex-Oz whore?”

Quatre sat stunned by the bitter self-hatred in Duo’s tone, for a moment too long. Duo struggled to his feet and pushed past him, limping towards the door. It really was too soon for him to be off the crutches, but the pain in his bones came nowhere near to matching the pain in his heart.

Re: Spoil of War, prologue

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Trowa came in just as Duo reached the door, and the longhaired boy gave him a vicious snarl as he shoved past him into the night. Quatre finally snapped out of his shock just as the tail end of the braid disappeared from view, and called after him. “Duo, wait a minute! Come back -- Trowa, stop him!” He was already gone.

Quatre said something vicious in his native tongue; Trowa raised one startled eyebrow as he entered the room. “What was all that about, little one?”

“I wish I even knew!” Quatre fumed. “Duo seems to have gone crazy, and Heero -- oh, Trowa, you just now missed Heero...”

“Actually, I just saw him,” Trowa said calmly. “He was quite upset. I didn’t think it was the best time to bring up my concern.”

“I wish you’d given him a smack across the face,” Quatre said viciously. “Duo’s an absolute wreck because Heero’s throwing him out, sending him away!”

Trowa blinked, his motion momentarily arrested. “That’s a very strange thing to hear -- when I talked to Heero, he said that Duo was leaving him to go south with Hilde.”

“What?” Quatre turned to stare at the tent entrance, as though he could see Heero or his friend through the fabric. “That’s insane! Why would Duo ever want to leave Heero?”

“Why would Heero send Duo away?” Trowa countered, taking the steps to close the distance to the blond healer. “Something tells me there’s been a serious communications problem between those two.”

“They’re both insane!” Quatre exclaimed. “I have to go after Duo. Explain...”

Trowa cut him off. “I already tried that with Heero,” he admitted. “You can try, but I don’t think it will do any good, Quatre. They only hear what they expect to hear.”

“Insane...” Quatre seethed. “I have to go after him anyway, Trowa! He’s determined to walk back to Heero’s quarters, and he should not be walking yet... especially not alone. He might get into trouble...”

“I don’t think you have to worry all that much, Quatre,” Trowa assured him. “Every soldier knows what Colonel Yuy would do to anyone who dared to touch his prisoner of war. Soldiers will talk, and I don’t think there’s a body in the camp who doesn’t know how those two feel about each other.”

“They don’t seem to know themselves!” Quatre exploded. “Can we lock them into a room together until they straighten themselves out?”

“No, Quatre,” Trowa said, exasperated.

“Why not?” Quatre demanded.

“...Because this camp doesn’t have any buildings that lock,” Trowa muttered.

“Can we tie them together, then?”

“...”