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[personal profile] windandwater
This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
"Visit From Duo" by Mikkeneko
part 2 - A Day With Heero

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Yea, although I walk through the valley of Gundam Wing, I remain untouched by lawsuits, for I own nothing and lay claim to nothing. So mote it be.
Blood type: B
Warnings: angst, mutilation, sort-of het, swearing
Pairings: 1+2, R+1
Author notes: Somewhat inspired by the play "The Shadow Box," a play I did in high school.

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

Relena knew as soon as she returned to the den that it was not going to be a good day. Heero had managed to move his chair again, and was staring out the window to where the yard met the street.

"Heero?" she asked, and had to repeat his name several times before he would turn to look at her. "What would you like for lunch?"

He frowned at her. "I don't want to sit with you, Relena. Leave me alone."

Relena sighed silently. "No, Heero, I only wanted to know what you wanted to eat."

"No. Don't wait for me," Heero said shortly.

She tried again. "How about some salads? Would you like to eat some chicken salad for lunch?"

"I have my own," he told her, and turned his back to her again. Relena retreated to the kitchen.

She made the chicken salad for herself, and another bowl for him, and wished once again that she knew what Heero liked to eat.

A crash from the den had her dropping the forks and running from the kitchen before her mind truly registered the sound. She ran into the den to see Heero struggling towards the window, his chair overturned behind him.

"Heero!" she cried, and rushed over to his side to support him. "What are you doing?"

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

To her surprise, he didn't push her away, but instead leaned eagerly on her shoulder and tried to hobble towards the front door. "He's here!" Heero said excitedly. "He's here! I have to go say hello!"

"What?" Relena resisted, trying to pull him back towards his chair, and then he did scowl at her and shrug off her guiding hands.

"Duo's here, I saw his car pull up. Look! He's parked out by the street. I have to go greet him."

Frightened, Relena shot a desperate glance out the window at the street, past the nodding rows of begonias. It was empty. "Heero, Heero... he's not here yet, okay?"

"No, I saw him," Heero insisted. "His car pulled up. I heard the door shut."

"No, Heero. He's not here." Relena managed to pull Heero over to the window, and pointed out towards the street. "See? Nobody there."

Heero looked in the direction of her pointing finger, and his expression fell. "No?"

She shook her head, stomach trembling. "No, there's nobody here."

"But I saw him." His voice was plaintive. "He parked his car right by the mailbox."

"Well, you didn't hear anyone ring the doorbell, did you?" She knew he hadn't.

Heero shook his head, disappointed. Relena started guiding him into the dining room. "Here, come on and sit down. We can have lunch while... while we're waiting."

"Lunch?" Heero looked surprised by the idea. "No... we ought to wait. We can have lunch when he gets here."

Relena swallowed. "Heero, I'm sure... he... stopped on the way to get a bite to eat. Don't you think? There's no point in waiting on him."

"We'll save some." Satisfied by that prospect, Heero allowed her to seat him at the dining room table, and she fled into the kitchen to collect the food and try to collect herself. God, it hadn't been this bad in a while. If only that meddling woman hadn't...

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

To her surprise, he didn't push her away, but instead leaned eagerly on her shoulder and tried to hobble towards the front door. "He's here!" Heero said excitedly. "He's here! I have to go say hello!"

"What?" Relena resisted, trying to pull him back towards his chair, and then he did scowl at her and shrug off her guiding hands.

"Duo's here, I saw his car pull up. Look! He's parked out by the street. I have to go greet him."

Frightened, Relena shot a desperate glance out the window at the street, past the nodding rows of begonias. It was empty. "Heero, Heero... he's not here yet, okay?"

"No, I saw him," Heero insisted. "His car pulled up. I heard the door shut."

"No, Heero. He's not here." Relena managed to pull Heero over to the window, and pointed out towards the street. "See? Nobody there."

Heero looked in the direction of her pointing finger, and his expression fell. "No?"

She shook her head, stomach trembling. "No, there's nobody here."

"But I saw him." His voice was plaintive. "He parked his car right by the mailbox."

"Well, you didn't hear anyone ring the doorbell, did you?" She knew he hadn't.

Heero shook his head, disappointed. Relena started guiding him into the dining room. "Here, come on and sit down. We can have lunch while... while we're waiting."

"Lunch?" Heero looked surprised by the idea. "No... we ought to wait. We can have lunch when he gets here."

Relena swallowed. "Heero, I'm sure... he... stopped on the way to get a bite to eat. Don't you think? There's no point in waiting on him."

"We'll save some." Satisfied by that prospect, Heero allowed her to seat him at the dining room table, and she fled into the kitchen to collect the food and try to collect herself. God, it hadn't been this bad in a while. If only that meddling woman hadn't...

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

She collected the dishes, and her composure, and went back out into the dining room. Heero ate well enough, without much prompting from her, and she began to hope that he would forget. He usually forgot things quickly enough.

----------

"Heero," she said later, coming into the room with her purse in hand, "I have to go out. Do you mind?"

"No. Go," was his curt answer.

"Are you sure?" She waited, but there was no answer. "I'm going down to the post office, and then to the pharmacy. Do you want me to get you anything? Do you..." She sighed. "Do you want to come along?"

"Post office?" He looked up.

"Yes." Her voice took on a wheedling tone. "Are you sure you don't want to come? You can check and see if there are any letters for you."

"I don't..." He wavered, for a moment seeming almost as though he would stand and reach for his walker. Then he subsided, looking off towards the wall. "No. I want to stay here."

"All right, Heero." Relena reached for her keys, walking over to the door. "I'll only be an hour, all right? If you need anything, you know you just have to call. You can call my pager, I'll turn it on, or you can call the nurse, she's the first number in the speed dial, you remember. There's leftover chicken salad in the kitchen. Okay?"

"...Okay." He didn't look at her. Relena waited for a long minute, but when he didn't add anything, she turned and went out.


*****

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

When she came back to the house she found Heero in almost the same position as when she had left; he had moved the desk chair over to the phone, and was sitting hunched over it, staring intensely at the date and time display. Alarmed, Relena rushed over to him.

"Heero, are you all right?" she cried. "Did something happen? Did you have to call the nurse? I didn't hear my cell phone ring?"

He looked up only briefly. "...No," he said. "I didn't try to call anyone."

She stopped, puzzled. "But then, why are you staying so near to the phone?"

He shifted around a little. "...In case someone calls."

"Oh." Relena looked away. She started to put down her purse, but then stopped, thinking of yesterday. "Heero... would you like to go to the park again today?"

"I don't want to leave!" Heero protested. "Duo might call."

Relena suppressed a weary sigh. "Then the answering machine will take a message," she told him gently. "You don't have to be here."

"He doesn't like leaving messages," Heero protested. "And what if he comes while we're gone, and we're not here, and he calls and nobody picks up the phone?"

Relena closed her eyes. "Heero," she said. "Duo is not going to call while we're gone."

"Duo might call." Heero hunched further over the telephone.

"He is not going to call," Relena said wearily. "He is not going to show up while we're gone. He's not going to call today, Heero, so there's no point in waiting over the phone."

Only silence answered her, and as she opened her eyes again, she saw the tight line of his shoulders and stiff bow of his neck. "Heero?"

Heero didn't answer for a long time, and she took a step towards him. He turned to look at her, and fear flared up in her chest at the look on his face.

He spoke. "Duo isn't coming, is he."

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

Relena froze. Heero turned his back to her.

"He doesn't want to see me," Heero said, his voice hollow. "He doesn't want to come visit me because I'm stupid now. Stupid and ugly."

Relena broke free from her paralysis, and rushed over to his side. "Heero, no!" she protested. She grabbed his shoulder and shook him, pulling her about to look at him. "No, Heero, that's not true at all!"

"Then why won't he come? Why won't he call?" Heero's question was almost a cry. "Doesn't he love me any more?"

"Heero, Heero..." Relena cast about desperately. "Duo still loves you, of course he does! It's just that -- just that -- Duo's so busy right now, don't you see, with his job on L2, and the kids, that he can't get away right now --"

"Job?" Heero's posture was slowly relaxing, losing that horrible expression. "Kids?"

"Yes, Heero, don't you remember?" Relena tried to recall as many details as possible. "He has his orphanage, on L2, for the children who lost their parents in the war. It's very important work, don't you agree? I'm sure Duo would love to come and visit you, but the orphanage takes so much work that he just hasn't got any time."

"I remember!" Heero snapped, then paused. "But why won't he call?" That question came out plaintive.

"Well, it's a long distance from L2 to Earth, isn't it?" Relena said soothingly. "That call would take a lot of money. Wouldn't it make much more sense for him to just send you an email?"

He was letting her guide him now, leaning on her as she led him away from the desk chair and over towards his arm chair. "Duo still loves me?" he asked fretfully.

"Oh Heero, of course he does," Relena said compassionately. "You're still the same person you were when... Duo first met you, the same person that... he fell in love with. Maybe you look a little different on the outside, but you're still the same in here." Daringly, she put one hand on his chest. He glared at her, but didn't push her hand away. "You're a sweet and gentle person, just like you always were, you do deserve to be loved."

Those last words rang out with more force than she had intended, and she swallowed. Now Heero did push her hand away, and limped back to the desk chair. "When is Duo going to come?" he asked, in a normal tone of voice.

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com
na let out a long breath. "I don't know, Heero. Whenever he can get away."

"When will that be?" There was a hint of a growl in his voice now, and Relena sighed.

"Soon, Heero. Sometime soon." She could see the stubborn light in his eyes, and moved to head him off. "Heero, why don't you go and read some of your emails?"

"There's nothing new." Heero grumbled as he fidgeted in his chair, pushing against the floor with one foot, shifting the chair around. "He hasn't sent anything new in almost a week." The petulant tone was creeping back.

Relena bit her tongue on a muttered curse. "But you can go back and read the old emails he's sent you," she suggested soothingly. "And then you'll know without a doubt that he loves you."

Heero considered that, and Relena moved to shift the desk chair over to the computer. Once he was positioned in front of the screen, she leaned over his shoulder to call up a program on the computer, and a list of files appeared. She chose one more or less at random, and adjusted the screen so that Heero could read it easily. He leaned forward avidly, already blocking out her presence to concentrate on the words on the screen.

Obligingly, Relena backed away to give him some personal space. With any luck, this would occupy him for the rest of the afternoon, and she could get some work done.

----------

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com


"Dinnertime, Heero," she said at last. In truth, it was well past the time she usually served dinner.

He didn't answer her at first, so she moved to stand at his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the letter he had been reading over for the last hour. She suppressed a flinch; it was one of the more explicit ones, and reading those often put Heero in a strange mood. She only wished she knew why.

He looked up at her then, an angry frown growing as he saw how close she was. "Don't read over my shoulder!" he growled, spreading his hand to cover the screen. "That's private!"

Mumbling an apology, she backed away. "Heero... it's time for supper."

"I don't want to eat dinner with you," he said.

She sighed. "There's no-one else here to eat with, Heero."

"I'd rather eat alone than eat with you," he snorted. Relena tried not to show any reaction to that comment, but she knew she failed from the gleam in his eyes.

She crossed the room and took hold of his arm, encouraging him to stand from his chair. He did, but then growled and pulled away, glaring at her nastily. "Don't fucking cling to me like that," he said. "I really hate it when you do that."

"Come on, Heero." She chivvied him into the dining room, urging him to sit at the table. "It's time for dinner."

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com


"Dinnertime, Heero," she said at last. In truth, it was well past the time she usually served dinner.

He didn't answer her at first, so she moved to stand at his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the letter he had been reading over for the last hour. She suppressed a flinch; it was one of the more explicit ones, and reading those often put Heero in a strange mood. She only wished she knew why.

He looked up at her then, an angry frown growing as he saw how close she was. "Don't read over my shoulder!" he growled, spreading his hand to cover the screen. "That's private!"

Mumbling an apology, she backed away. "Heero... it's time for supper."

"I don't want to eat dinner with you," he said.

She sighed. "There's no-one else here to eat with, Heero."

"I'd rather eat alone than eat with you," he snorted. Relena tried not to show any reaction to that comment, but she knew she failed from the gleam in his eyes.

She crossed the room and took hold of his arm, encouraging him to stand from his chair. He did, but then growled and pulled away, glaring at her nastily. "Don't fucking cling to me like that," he said. "I really hate it when you do that."

"Come on, Heero." She chivvied him into the dining room, urging him to sit at the table. "It's time for dinner."

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

He shoved her away, hard, so that she stumbled back and he nearly fell into a wall. "I don't want your goddamn dinner," he hissed. "I want you to leave me alone. Bitch. Bitch. Why do you always have to be such a meddling bitch?"

Her eyes pricked, but she took a deep breath and tried reason. "I can't leave you alone, Heero. What would you do all alone in the house? But I'm not trying to meddle!"

"You are!" he roared, accusing and condemning. "You always have! You always fucking tried to get between him and me! How many times do I have to tell you that I love Duo? I don't love you! I love Duo! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Stop shouting at me, Heero!" She was nearly shouting herself, now.

"When he comes I want you to leave this house, Relena! I want you to leave us alone, not to try to get between him and me any more! We're together, I love Duo, not you. When he comes I want you gone!"

"He's not coming!" She shrieked at the top of her voice, now. She could barely see. "He's not going to come, Heero, ever! Why can't you just accept that? Why can't you get over him?"

He didn't hear her. He never did. He just glared at her and snarled, "Bitch. Bitch!"

Relena pushed away from the table and stumbled into the kitchen, while Heero shouted and yelled curses after her. Why didn't she learn? Why didn't she ever learn, she thought, as she turned on the water in the sink and with trembling hands splashed it against her face.

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

He shoved her away, hard, so that she stumbled back and he nearly fell into a wall. "I don't want your goddamn dinner," he hissed. "I want you to leave me alone. Bitch. Bitch. Why do you always have to be such a meddling bitch?"

Her eyes pricked, but she took a deep breath and tried reason. "I can't leave you alone, Heero. What would you do all alone in the house? But I'm not trying to meddle!"

"You are!" he roared, accusing and condemning. "You always have! You always fucking tried to get between him and me! How many times do I have to tell you that I love Duo? I don't love you! I love Duo! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Stop shouting at me, Heero!" She was nearly shouting herself, now.

"When he comes I want you to leave this house, Relena! I want you to leave us alone, not to try to get between him and me any more! We're together, I love Duo, not you. When he comes I want you gone!"

"He's not coming!" She shrieked at the top of her voice, now. She could barely see. "He's not going to come, Heero, ever! Why can't you just accept that? Why can't you get over him?"

He didn't hear her. He never did. He just glared at her and snarled, "Bitch. Bitch!"

Relena pushed away from the table and stumbled into the kitchen, while Heero shouted and yelled curses after her. Why didn't she learn? Why didn't she ever learn, she thought, as she turned on the water in the sink and with trembling hands splashed it against her face.

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

It kept on happening, at least once a month, this huge blow-up, when she would take leave of her senses and scream at him, trying to make him see, trying to make him understand the truth when she knew perfectly well that he was past any kind of understanding. She knew, she knew that he was incapable of moving past that moment in time, and yet she still refused to learn, still kept trying to change reality just by wishing it so.

That, Relena thought bitterly, made her no better than Heero, unable to face reality as it was. And so the explosions, even when she had no business taking out her frustration on Heero. She had to be in control of herself, if she was going to take care of Heero, as he could no longer care for himself. She had to be the sensible one. The sane one.

In the other room, Heero's snarls and profanities had faded into a sullen muttering. She heard a clank and a crash of dishes breaking, and knew that he must be hungry. Straightening up, she grabbed hold of the casserole, and pasted a calm and pleasant expression on her face before she walked back out into the dining room.

----------

Perhaps it was just low blood sugar that had set Heero off, because as the meal went on his temper slowly calmed and his disposition returned to normal. By the end of the meal he even said "thank you," as she cleared away the dishes from in front of him. Even that made the frozen smile no easier to wear.

"Heero, it's bedtime," she said, smiling pleasantly to soften her words.

He looked surprised. "Already? I didn't think it was that late. Have they called curfew yet?"

"Go to bed, Heero," she ordered him, as she always had to do. "Tomorrow's a big day." As she always said.

He blinked, and focused on her for just a minute. "Do you think there will be another email from Duo tomorrow?" he said, the shy hope in his voice impossible to bear.

"I'm sure of it," she promised him gently.

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

She oversaw his bedtime rituals; changing into his pyjamas, brushing his teeth, checking all the doors and windows to see that they were locked and alarmed, and that no enemy could get through the perimeter. Only then was he willing to settle into bed, one hand left under his pillow to hold a gun that was no longer there.

When he was asleep, she came back into the room for a time and watched him. After a few minutes, she crossed to his dresser and picked up the teddy bear that sat there, then placed it on the bed by his hand. Some nights, he would clutch it to him. He mumbled and swatted, knocking it away, and it fell to the floor.

Relena went out into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup of coffee before moving into the den. She seated herself in front of the computer and switched it on, placing the coffee mug beside her as she called up her word processing program and opened a new file. She had promised Heero there would be a new letter from Duo in the morning, and so must there be.


*****

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

She oversaw his bedtime rituals; changing into his pyjamas, brushing his teeth, checking all the doors and windows to see that they were locked and alarmed, and that no enemy could get through the perimeter. Only then was he willing to settle into bed, one hand left under his pillow to hold a gun that was no longer there.

When he was asleep, she came back into the room for a time and watched him. After a few minutes, she crossed to his dresser and picked up the teddy bear that sat there, then placed it on the bed by his hand. Some nights, he would clutch it to him. He mumbled and swatted, knocking it away, and it fell to the floor.

Relena went out into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup of coffee before moving into the den. She seated herself in front of the computer and switched it on, placing the coffee mug beside her as she called up her word processing program and opened a new file. She had promised Heero there would be a new letter from Duo in the morning, and so must there be.


*****

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

Dear Heero,

Hey, buddy! Sorry bout the long delay since the last letter; you wouldn't believe how hectic it's been around here. Tax time, you know, and if you remember all that trouble you and I had figuring out how to pay taxes as civilians -- that's NOTHING compared to the red tape they put on places like us. If it wasn't for Hilde's help, I'd be done for.

And before you get that jealous face on, Heero mine, let me remind you for the UMPTEENTH MILLION time that Hilde and I are just friends. She's brought her girlfriend over for dinner so often, I'd started to ask if maybe we should file to adopt her ourselves. She threw a napkin at me (can you believe?) and then asked me when she would get to meet MY boyfriend.

I told her, sometime soon, I hope. I've gotta take care of the taxes, and a bunch of kids are having birthdays this month. I can't leave them for that. You know how important birthdays are to these kids; they don't have parents to come to their parties, so I gotta be there. But maybe next month, I can come and visit you.

I can't wait, Heero. I miss you so much, these letters just don't do it for me any more. I want nothing more than to be with you, to be near you, to spend time with you and to do things with you. Real dates, can you imagine? Dinner and a movie? Too much trouble for you, I know; you're all reclusive these days. Heh, as though you were ever any other way. But I'd be fine with just staying in all night if we could be together; watching rental tapes and eating popcorn as I lean on your shoulder on the couch.

That's what I want most of all, love. I miss the way you look at me, with warmth in your eyes that's reserved just for me. I miss your voice speaking gentle endearments to me, even if they're words I can't understand. I miss your touch, soft and gentle, as though I were something precious in your eyes.

But more than that, I just want to be with you. To spend every day of my life with you, as your partner, your equal. To cook for you and read to you, make your bed and do your laundry and do the crossword puzzles together. And when I do that, all I want is for you to know I'm there. I want you to look at me and see me, no one else, forever. I want you to think of me and no one else, your partner, your lover... the one who loves you, I love you, I love you as no one else ever can and no one else ever will, Heero, and all I want is for you to love me back, to love me, and only me, forever...

Until then, Heero.

Love,

Re: A Day With Heero

Date: 2006-02-22 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mikkeneko.livejournal.com

----------


It was late, and her eyes blurred and her fingers trembled. Saving and closing the file, Relena set her elbows on the desk and rubbed her hands across her face. Then, finally, she wept.



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