Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Propinquity

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Now, I know better... because now I know who you are. I found out about your past, did you know that? About your years of living on the street, a childhood spent stealing scraps to survive. About Solo, and the L2 plague. About when Father Maxwell took you in and gave you a new family; about when Father Maxwell and the rest of the orphans and the church were blown into pieces by Federation troops.

Knowing, I could never think of you as... anything less than real after that. No -- in fact, I always thought you were more than real, larger than life. This nightmare of a life that you had would have reduced any lesser man to a shivering, useless wreck.

But not you. You smiled.

Yes I've known of all the heartache
And I've known of all the pain

And I knew about the nightmares, too -- how could I not, when we spent so many nights rooming together? You always tried to hide them, the times in the middle of the night when you woke up shivering and sweating or crying from whatever vision or memory of pain tormented you. Maybe you could have hid them, if I hadn't been lying awake myself as a result of those same nightmares.

Mine always featured a little girl and her puppy.

What innocents died in yours?

Re: Propinquity

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

I've seen you in the sunshine
and I've seen you in the rain

I tried to put you out of my mind. It didn't work. No matter how thoroughly I disciplined myself, almost every day when I was attending some other task, I would realize that my mind was drifting back to you. At the time, I didn't understand what was happening... but I do now. Hindsight, like I said. Now, I realize that the vision of you filled my thoughts because I'd never met anyone so beautiful before.

And you are beautiful, magnificently so. You were breathtaking the first time I met you, dressed to kill with a gun in your hand. You were alluring when I saw you lounging around in shorts and a t-shirt, basking in the sunlight and those strange indigo eyes of yours fixed out on the ocean. Even the little bit of you I could see over our Gundams' coms, was lovely, because it was you. Even when I carried more than assisted you out of the OZ base when you were filthy and haggard and every inch of your skin was mottled with bruises. Even then, you were beautiful.

I've seen you make a look of love
from just an icy stare,
And I've known you for a long time
But I've just begun to care.

You told me you were the only friend I had; at the time, I didn't believe you. Partly because I wasn't yet able to believe in altruism, or kindness, or -- even -- love; partly because on a subconscious level, I couldn't understand why someone like you could ever want to be friends with someone like me. It confused me, how you could be so unrelenting in your attempts to befriend me, when I never offered you the slightest encouragement; your warmth and friendly chatter flew right in the face of my cold glares and "Omae o korosu"s. You seemed to take them as a challenge, to drag me out of my shell -- I didn't realize until later, after you were gone, how far you'd brought me back to humanity without me even realizing it. Like I said, hindsight.

I never did and still don't understand why you struggled so hard and so long to try and earn my approval. Leaving aside the entire issue of what my judgment is worth in the first place -- if it was my respect you wanted, you earned it the first time I saw your Gundam fight. I know you're not as stupid as you sometimes pretend to be, but for some reason you never realized that, and it puzzled me no end how I inspired you to try for inhuman lengths. I never expected you to do all that I could do; I have no desire to create another Perfect Soldier, especially not if it meant killing the part of you that I always silently envied.

But you always went away feeling unworthy. I never wanted that.

Re: Propinquity

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

I know I've been blind
To not have loved you all this time
But the image of you wasn't clear
I guess I've been standing too near

I guess we're just a pair of fools. It wasn't until you weren't around any more, and I couldn't look forward to seeing you fight in the next battle or show up on a mission of mine that you had no business being on, that I realized what I was missing. I mean, really, for someone who's supposed to be good at figuring out what's going on in the world around him, I did a pretty pitiful job of figuring out my own heart...

I suppose I shouldn't really be surprised. I mean, I never admitted how much you meant to me when you were within arms reach; why should I have done any better when you weren't around to knock sense into me any more? I'm not quite sure when you became such a fundamental part of my universe, but I couldn't really see you, until I looked around and realized that there was a hole in my life that looked just like you.

It's taken me a while
But I have finally found
What you are to me
And that's what really counts.

My moments of revelation, I realize, are poorly timed. I never said anything to you about them when I saw you -- mostly because if I saw you, it was in the middle of a fight or just before one. Neither of those times were good to distract each other with personal matters.

And, of course, the times that I didn't see you, I could pretend that I didn't need to, either. It was only after the war ended, and Mariemeia's rebellion put down -- that I've really had the time to think. That I finally forced myself into a moment of honesty, that I finally opened my eyes to what has been staring me in the face all this time.

I know you now. You are black to my white, life to my death, heat to my cold, sound to my silence. You are everything I am not, everything that I ever wanted.

I love you.

Re: Propinquity

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

And what you are to me
Is something we can share
I've known you for a long time
but I've just begun to care.

I'm going to find you, Duo Maxwell, and I'm going to finally tell you what I should have figured out two years ago. I accept the possibility that you don't think about me that way, but I'm not going to sit back and stay silent as long as I have hope that you could return my feelings. I do know that you care about me enough that even if you don't love me back, you'll try not to hurt me and you won't let it destroy our friendship. Because that's not the kind of person you are, and that's not the kind of person I would fall in love with.

Like I said, hindsight.

I love you, body and soul, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me. I hope you will, and I hope I can give back to you a fraction of what you've given to me.

Yes, I've known you for a long time
but I've just begun to care

~owari~

Mikkeneko: Well?
Duo: That was it?
Heero: It was obvious!
Duo: It was pointless!
Heero: It was short!
Duo: It was... fluff?
[pause]
Heero & Duo: WE LOVED IT!