Goodbye LJ...
Feb. 20th, 2006 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windandwaterThis is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;
Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!
♥
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:09 am (UTC)Wufei frowned, and looked up at Trowa. "When were these written? Were there any times in the last year that Maxwell was injured severely enough to be convalescent for any length of time?"
Trowa shook his head after barely a moment's pause. "I don't know, but it could have been one of the times he was away from the base, especially if he was away from Heero long enough that he felt the need to write letters."
This whole situation was just continuing to frustrate me; every time we tried to come up with answers, we only had more questions. "Why was he writing paper letters? Wouldn't emails have been an easier form of communication, without the added risk of personal contact? Not that it would be all that much of a disaster if OZ intercepted Heero and Duo's love letters, but I don't think he would have wanted them to get lost, either."
Trowa shrugged, indicating his own loss of knowledge. "I don't fully understand it, Little One, but maybe he felt the need for a personal touch."
I nodded absently, trying to pull all of the pieces together into a larger picture. "I wonder where Heero's letters to Duo are," I wondered out loud. "I wish I had the other half of this correspondence."
"It would be nice if we had the entirety of this one," Wufei put in, frowning down at the sheaf of papers. I looked up at him, frowning.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, this isn't all of them. Look." He leaned over and pointed out a number on the lower left hand side of the page. "These notes were all written on the same stationary, and the papers are numbered. But the earliest ones in the box weren't the first ones, and they don't go in order." He flipped through several of the pages, and the numbers at the bottom would often skip one or several digits before resuming the communication.
"So why did he choose to keep these?" I mused, sorting the notes into chronological order.
Trowa snagged another and began to read. " 'Heero, you've really got to lighten up. Sorry, I can't be there for you, but how about this: An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman all walk into a bar and they each order a beer... ' " He looked up at the two of us. "I think that's our answer. All these are friendly, some funny, all of them very Duo."
"You're saying that there might have been letters that he chose not to keep?" I surmised. "But why not?"
Wufei handed me another one, this one almost the last in the stack. I glanced over it, and my eyes darkened. " 'Talk to me, Heero. At least let me know you're still there. I'm going crazy stuck in this room and you're not helping.' And there should have been more to this one but it's been ripped in half. Who knows where the rest of it is."
"Presumably, in the same place as all the other unwanted letters," Wufei said dryly. "When were these written?"
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:09 am (UTC)"None of them have dates?" I ask without much hope. I picked up the earliest one and read, not really knowing what to expect. " 'I'm telling you, it's still a shock to wake up in here. I thought I was a goner for sure, but I guess you can't keep a good Shinigami down. Concerning the last mission, where were you, Heero? I still don't understand a lot of what's going on here.' Great." I snorted, picking the other papers up and stacking them back into their original order. "Even HE doesn't know what's going on, even if he were here to explain it to US."
"This is intolerable," Wufei burst out, flinging the sheaf of papers to the floor in disgust. "One pilot gone, another building himself secret rooms to hide a collection of letters that shouldn't exist. And a third one gets dragged away to act as ambassador on Earth when his Gundam could mean the difference between winning and losing a battle up here." He glared at me, as if the entire situation were my doing. Which was at least partly true. "We're in the middle of a war! We don't have time to play detective!"
I knew he wasn't truly angry at me, but the unending frustrations and runarounds that the world was throwing at us had us all on edge. I throttled back on my original defensive retort and tried to speak reasonably. "Wufei, there is a temporary lull in the fighting, and you know as well as I that there will never be a better time to 'play detective,' as you know. We have to find a way to help Heero, because..." I took a deep breath, and braced myself to dump another unpleasant revelation on my friends. "Because we need him to pilot Wing now more than ever. A few days ago Milan announced --"
The sound of Trowa's communicator cut me off, and all three of us tensed as he snapped it open. "Barton here," he said quietly.
A man's tinny voice came from the other end of the line. "Sir, we were told to contact you when the Yuk -- I mean, when Commander Yuy returned. His Gundam is requesting clearance to land in the hangar now; should I refuse?"
"No," Trowa replied quickly. "Don't deviate from standard procedure. Thank you for letting us know -- no orders, but you are not to tell Commander Yuy that you contacted me. Understood?"
"Yes, sir."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:09 am (UTC)"None of them have dates?" I ask without much hope. I picked up the earliest one and read, not really knowing what to expect. " 'I'm telling you, it's still a shock to wake up in here. I thought I was a goner for sure, but I guess you can't keep a good Shinigami down. Concerning the last mission, where were you, Heero? I still don't understand a lot of what's going on here.' Great." I snorted, picking the other papers up and stacking them back into their original order. "Even HE doesn't know what's going on, even if he were here to explain it to US."
"This is intolerable," Wufei burst out, flinging the sheaf of papers to the floor in disgust. "One pilot gone, another building himself secret rooms to hide a collection of letters that shouldn't exist. And a third one gets dragged away to act as ambassador on Earth when his Gundam could mean the difference between winning and losing a battle up here." He glared at me, as if the entire situation were my doing. Which was at least partly true. "We're in the middle of a war! We don't have time to play detective!"
I knew he wasn't truly angry at me, but the unending frustrations and runarounds that the world was throwing at us had us all on edge. I throttled back on my original defensive retort and tried to speak reasonably. "Wufei, there is a temporary lull in the fighting, and you know as well as I that there will never be a better time to 'play detective,' as you know. We have to find a way to help Heero, because..." I took a deep breath, and braced myself to dump another unpleasant revelation on my friends. "Because we need him to pilot Wing now more than ever. A few days ago Milan announced --"
The sound of Trowa's communicator cut me off, and all three of us tensed as he snapped it open. "Barton here," he said quietly.
A man's tinny voice came from the other end of the line. "Sir, we were told to contact you when the Yuk -- I mean, when Commander Yuy returned. His Gundam is requesting clearance to land in the hangar now; should I refuse?"
"No," Trowa replied quickly. "Don't deviate from standard procedure. Thank you for letting us know -- no orders, but you are not to tell Commander Yuy that you contacted me. Understood?"
"Yes, sir."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:10 am (UTC)For a moment I flashed back to the time when I was eight years old and had snuck into the expressly forbidden computer labs of my father's business. There was the same sense of guilty not-belonging, of doing something that you knew was not allowed and knowing that you were about to be caught at it, and I couldn't quite quash the unreasoning little voice in the back of my mind that whimpered, 'Heero's gonna be SO MAD...'
I'm a Gundam pilot. That doesn't mean I like receiving death threats from the only close friends I have.
At least I could be fairly certain that Trowa wouldn't let Heero actually kill me. I looked over at my partners-in-crime; Wufei was calmly replacing the contents of the box. I gulped and spoke up. "Uh... shouldn't we..."
"Put everything back the way you found it," Wufei responded calmly.
"But won't he know we were in here?" I couldn't keep from saying. Wufei only shrugged.
"If he does suspect that we were here, then it would be impossible for us to erase all signs of our presence. If he does not, however, and nothing is immediately out of place, then he would have no reason to suspect."
"Uh... right." I gulped slightly, and momentarily envied Wufei. I would give a lot for that serene self-confidence, to be assured that whatever came along, I could handle it. On the other hand, if that assurance came in a package deal with the arrogance and pride that sometimes seemed to define Wufei's life, maybe I was just as happy to stay as I was.
I decided to keep that unworthy thought to myself as we finished setting Heero's private room back in order as completely as time allowed, and then filed one by one back into the corridor.
"Sir!" a voice hailed from down the hallway, and all three of us turned to look at once.
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:10 am (UTC)"Master Quatre!" came another voice from the opposite direction, and I flinched a little guiltily as I recognized one of the Maguanacs, whom I had been avoiding for the past day and a half. The two men caught up to us almost at the same time, and both immediately started talking.
"Sir," began the man I didn't recognize, recognizing Trowa, "Howard has returned from the Delta-Six run and wants to know --"
The Maguanac talked right over him. "Master Quatre, where have you been, there's a message from Ambassador Walker that requires your immediate attention --"
The unfortunate guard we had left to watch our backs earlier raised one hand to his head as he received a message over his headset, then nodded and looked unhappy. "Captain Chang?" he broke in. "Commander Yuy just told --"
My gaze crossed Trowa and Wufei's, and I didn't need my Spaceheart to read the angry frustration brought on by the incessant demands of reality. Wufei held up one hand to the guard, who immediately fell silent, but the other two harbingers kept right on talking.
"--could have resolved this hours ago if you hadn't disappeared, Master Quatre, where did you go that you didn't take a single bodyguard with you --"
Great. Now they were going to be fighting for space inside my shadow for the next week. I gave in to the temptation to put my hands over my eyes, considering it the preferable option to strangling the poor man with his own belt. He was only trying to do his job, after all.
The base administrator, in the meantime, had apparently tumbled to the fact that Trowa was completely ignoring him, and trailed off into silence. He blinked, looked at the two other messengers, then at the three of us, and came out with a mournful, "Sir?"
"All right," I said tiredly into the silence. "I guess the reunion's over; for now we'd better split up and attend to our respective forest fires. We've done all we can for now, so I guess it's time to wait for further developments." I glanced up at the Maguanac, acknowledging his existence for the first time. "I have things I need to do..."
"As do I," Trowa said reluctantly.
"I will speak with the Commander," Wufei said, both to the guard and to the two of us. "As you have said, you both have your duties. Besides," he added with a dry snort, "I'm not sure I can trust you in his presence without looking like a child who's been caught stealing cookies."
I met his gaze with a neutral expression; I could feel a slight flush creeping up my face, but refused to look away. Trowa just raised one eyebrow in sardonic challenge, but Wufei hadn't been wrong about his poker face, at any rate.
"Very well then. We will convene again once the immediate problems are dealt with to discuss today's discoveries." Wufei nodded once, curtly, then seemed to switch fully back into Captain Chang mode as he turned back to the soldier.
I looked at Trowa. He looked at me. I felt suddenly guilty.
"I'm sorry, love," I said softly, taking a step closer to him. "With all that's been going on since I arrived at the station, we've hardly had a moment to ourselves..."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)"There will be time," Trowa said simply, and surprised me by brushing once hand lightly across my cheek and gifting me with a slight smile. "Go with your bodyguard now, Little One, before he chews a hole through the walls."
I reached up and caught his hand, returning his smile tenfold, before releasing him and turning reluctantly away.
"All right," I said, turning back to the Maguanac. "What does Otto want?" Even as I asked, I started back through the twisted corridors to the room I had claimed as my office, forcing the older man to scramble a bit to catch up.
"He was merely relaying a message from Prince Milliard, asking if you had done what you needed to do up here and were ready to return." I didn't see a communicator, but he must have had some way of signaling that he had found me; at the next junction, another man swung out of the cross-corridor and fell in behind me.
"Zechs has no patience," I remarked without any particular rancor. "Tell him that no, I haven't done all I needed to do. I discovered a situation up here that I need to take care of before I can concentrate on the task at hand."
"Not that you'd be leaving any time soon anyway," the newcomer muttered, probably not meant to be overheard. The first bodyguard shot him an unhappy glare, as my interest switched to him.
"What's this?" I looked between the newcomer and the Maguanac, who was looking very uncomfortable. "Is there something I'm missing here?"
The bodyguard cleared his throat before speaking. "Uh... no-one had a chance to inform you yet, Master Winner, because we couldn't find you..."
"Not that you were planning to tell me anyway," I supplied for him. "What?"
"There seems to have been some kind of malfunction with your shuttle," he muttered. "The engineers have been working on it for several hours now, with no progress. And as none of the base's shuttles are due in any time soon..."
"..I'm stuck here. Right." I blew out a breath, thinking, then shrugged. "As you said, I'm not leaving any time soon anyway. All the same, I think I'll take a look at the shuttle."
"Master Quatre?" The Maguanac looked surprised. I smiled up at him.
"What? I was a Gundam pilot before I was a diplomat, you know. There isn't very much I don't know about shuttles, especially one I'd feel safe riding in."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)"There will be time," Trowa said simply, and surprised me by brushing once hand lightly across my cheek and gifting me with a slight smile. "Go with your bodyguard now, Little One, before he chews a hole through the walls."
I reached up and caught his hand, returning his smile tenfold, before releasing him and turning reluctantly away.
"All right," I said, turning back to the Maguanac. "What does Otto want?" Even as I asked, I started back through the twisted corridors to the room I had claimed as my office, forcing the older man to scramble a bit to catch up.
"He was merely relaying a message from Prince Milliard, asking if you had done what you needed to do up here and were ready to return." I didn't see a communicator, but he must have had some way of signaling that he had found me; at the next junction, another man swung out of the cross-corridor and fell in behind me.
"Zechs has no patience," I remarked without any particular rancor. "Tell him that no, I haven't done all I needed to do. I discovered a situation up here that I need to take care of before I can concentrate on the task at hand."
"Not that you'd be leaving any time soon anyway," the newcomer muttered, probably not meant to be overheard. The first bodyguard shot him an unhappy glare, as my interest switched to him.
"What's this?" I looked between the newcomer and the Maguanac, who was looking very uncomfortable. "Is there something I'm missing here?"
The bodyguard cleared his throat before speaking. "Uh... no-one had a chance to inform you yet, Master Winner, because we couldn't find you..."
"Not that you were planning to tell me anyway," I supplied for him. "What?"
"There seems to have been some kind of malfunction with your shuttle," he muttered. "The engineers have been working on it for several hours now, with no progress. And as none of the base's shuttles are due in any time soon..."
"..I'm stuck here. Right." I blew out a breath, thinking, then shrugged. "As you said, I'm not leaving any time soon anyway. All the same, I think I'll take a look at the shuttle."
"Master Quatre?" The Maguanac looked surprised. I smiled up at him.
"What? I was a Gundam pilot before I was a diplomat, you know. There isn't very much I don't know about shuttles, especially one I'd feel safe riding in."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)Two hours of going over the shuttle, though, did nothing more than raise my frustration levels. Half of the software systems had shorted out for no apparent reason; the navigation and communication systems were half-fried, but I couldn't find whatever component it was that had short-circuited and burned them. The shuttle had been acting strangely getting in, and my imagination insisted on providing me with detailed images of what could have happened if the mysterious meltdown had occurred in open space.
The thought did not improve my mood. Sweaty, gritty, tired and very irritated, I was about to demand that the engineers take the whole damn shuttle apart when one of my bodyguards spoke up.
"Sir, you can't do anything that the engineers can't do more easily," he told me with something of a condescending air. "For now it's probably best to stay out of their way, and you have other things to worry about..."
"The hell I do," I snapped, not bothering to watch my language for a change. I glared at the man, realizing for the first time that he wasn't one of the Maguanacs. "Who are you, anyway? I don't remember you from the ride up."
The older man came to attention and saluted. "Commander Barton assigned me as your bodyguard for as long as you remain here," he snapped out, and glared at my Maguanac bodyguard challengingly.
"Thanks, Trowa," I muttered under my breath. "I'll have to come up with a suitable repayment..."
A warning prickle sounded at the base of my neck, and at the same time, heads swiveled all over the docking bay. I shivered as if an icy taste of outer space had penetrated the bay doors, and was not particularly surprised when I turned and saw Heero striding briskly across the floor. A few men trailed in his wake, but they kept respectfully back; as the small group drew level with us, the man I'd been talking with caught the eyes of one of the newcomers and they shared a nod. Paying their professional respects, I supposed.
"The shuttle is inoperative?" Heero asked the room in general, crossing his arms and staring up at it. He didn't aim his question at me, but none of the engineers wanted to be the first to speak, so I answered anyway.
"Completely. We haven't figured out what caused the original malfunction, but it will take several days to repair," I told him. My guilt-spawned anxiety was fading somewhat as I studied Heero's closed posture; even if he knew about our intrusion into his secrets, which I doubted he did, he wasn't going to act on it.
Heero frowned darkly at the shuttle as it loomed above him; the muscles in his jaw worked as if against some inner tension. Finally, he grated out, "Do they know when the damage was first incurred?"
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)My answer was not right somehow. His hands clenched on the fabric of his uniform jacket, and I noticed for the first time a bandage on his wrist. The sight shook me to the core; had Heero tried to kill himself at some time? What if he tried again? His presence was giving me a headache, or a heartache; even sealed off as it was, the power coming through my Spaceheart was enough to warp my vision like heat waves. What was he thinking of...
"Masaka," he said aloud, and shook his head. Before I could demand a translation, he turned slightly away from me and addressed the engineers. "Do whatever it takes to get it working again," he commanded in a tone that brooked no argument.
"Yes, Commander!" one of them replied shakily, straightening to attention and saluting. Heero dropped them from his attention with an almost audible CLUNK and started to turn away, hesitating for a moment as his vision passed over me.
He paused for just a second, staring at me with an expression I couldn't fathom; I barely had time to wonder if he knew I had been in his room, and then the instant had passed and he was rapidly covering the distance to the exit. His men scrambled for a moment before falling in behind him, and it struck me why Wufei seemed to have taken Heero's place in some matters of leadership. The men obeyed Heero, respected him, but they did not follow him. No-one dared.
I sighed and turned back to the shuttle, contemplating its surly presence for a moment. It was difficult to focus on it; the thought of tackling the frustrating puzzle was unappealing. "I think..." I began, looking at the engineers. "I think I'll leave you guys to this for now, do you mind?"
"Of course not," one of them said emphatically. "You have more important things to do, and the Yuki assigned its repair to us, after all."
I nodded absently; something was nagging at the back of my mind, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was just a slight feeling of unease, like a rancid smell hanging in the air. Of course, ever since I had set foot on the base my Spaceheart had been assaulted with unpleasant sensation, so at the time I just dismissed it as another one of those. "I think I need to talk with Tr... with Commander Barton," I said aloud. "Is there a private room I can use?"
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)My answer was not right somehow. His hands clenched on the fabric of his uniform jacket, and I noticed for the first time a bandage on his wrist. The sight shook me to the core; had Heero tried to kill himself at some time? What if he tried again? His presence was giving me a headache, or a heartache; even sealed off as it was, the power coming through my Spaceheart was enough to warp my vision like heat waves. What was he thinking of...
"Masaka," he said aloud, and shook his head. Before I could demand a translation, he turned slightly away from me and addressed the engineers. "Do whatever it takes to get it working again," he commanded in a tone that brooked no argument.
"Yes, Commander!" one of them replied shakily, straightening to attention and saluting. Heero dropped them from his attention with an almost audible CLUNK and started to turn away, hesitating for a moment as his vision passed over me.
He paused for just a second, staring at me with an expression I couldn't fathom; I barely had time to wonder if he knew I had been in his room, and then the instant had passed and he was rapidly covering the distance to the exit. His men scrambled for a moment before falling in behind him, and it struck me why Wufei seemed to have taken Heero's place in some matters of leadership. The men obeyed Heero, respected him, but they did not follow him. No-one dared.
I sighed and turned back to the shuttle, contemplating its surly presence for a moment. It was difficult to focus on it; the thought of tackling the frustrating puzzle was unappealing. "I think..." I began, looking at the engineers. "I think I'll leave you guys to this for now, do you mind?"
"Of course not," one of them said emphatically. "You have more important things to do, and the Yuki assigned its repair to us, after all."
I nodded absently; something was nagging at the back of my mind, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was just a slight feeling of unease, like a rancid smell hanging in the air. Of course, ever since I had set foot on the base my Spaceheart had been assaulted with unpleasant sensation, so at the time I just dismissed it as another one of those. "I think I need to talk with Tr... with Commander Barton," I said aloud. "Is there a private room I can use?"
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)My world brightened at least fifty watts when Trowa's face came quickly up on the vid. "Quatre?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"
"My shuttle's totaled," I told him flatly. "Half of the systems don't work and they don't know why. I'll be stranded here for the next few days."
Trowa froze as I started speaking, then deflated into his chair with a disgusted sigh. "Your shuttle too?" he asked resignedly. "I don't know what kind of bad luck seems to follow us lately... The environmental systems haven't functioned properly in months, and just today the outside communications went offline for no apparent reason..."
"The com systems?" I stared at him in horror. "So as well as being stranded here, we are now cut off from the rest of the universe?"
"It's beginning to look like it," Trowa confirmed grimly.
"But that's..." I cut myself off and chewed absently on my lip, a bad habit I had picked up of expressing nervousness. "If we don't know what's happening out there, then how can we coordinate the rest of the army?"
"They can use their initiative for a few days," Trowa reassured me, watching with concern for my growing panic. "Don't worry, Little One. It's nothing we can't fix."
I forced myself to be calm, and managed a smile. "I know. I trust you, Trowa. And I wasn't planning to leave today or tomorrow anyway, not with this thing with Heero still hanging over our heads. Besides which, I still haven't spent any time with you..."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)My world brightened at least fifty watts when Trowa's face came quickly up on the vid. "Quatre?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"
"My shuttle's totaled," I told him flatly. "Half of the systems don't work and they don't know why. I'll be stranded here for the next few days."
Trowa froze as I started speaking, then deflated into his chair with a disgusted sigh. "Your shuttle too?" he asked resignedly. "I don't know what kind of bad luck seems to follow us lately... The environmental systems haven't functioned properly in months, and just today the outside communications went offline for no apparent reason..."
"The com systems?" I stared at him in horror. "So as well as being stranded here, we are now cut off from the rest of the universe?"
"It's beginning to look like it," Trowa confirmed grimly.
"But that's..." I cut myself off and chewed absently on my lip, a bad habit I had picked up of expressing nervousness. "If we don't know what's happening out there, then how can we coordinate the rest of the army?"
"They can use their initiative for a few days," Trowa reassured me, watching with concern for my growing panic. "Don't worry, Little One. It's nothing we can't fix."
I forced myself to be calm, and managed a smile. "I know. I trust you, Trowa. And I wasn't planning to leave today or tomorrow anyway, not with this thing with Heero still hanging over our heads. Besides which, I still haven't spent any time with you..."
Re: Torn 3
Date: 2006-02-21 11:11 am (UTC)"Maybe," I agreed, then blew out a sigh. Trowa scrutinized me closely.
"Are you all right, Quatre?" he asked softly. "You don't look like you've been sleeping well..."
I shrugged off his concern. "I'm fine. I just miss being alone sometimes. Piloting Sandrock wasn't all fun and games, but at least I didn't have people hanging over me every minute of the day."
My lover chuckled softly, and I gave him a mock glare. "Laugh, Barton. You're no help, what with the extra babysitter you saddled me with..."
Trowa blinked in startlement, and the smile fell off his face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean the man you assigned to guard me," I clarified.
His face froze into a blank mask. "I didn't assign anyone to guard you." Almost out of sight of the vid pickup, one of his hands was reaching for the keypad.
The world slowed to a painful crawl for the next few seconds, and even as I turned with agonizing slowness in the chair I heard a gunshot behind me.