Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: I call this one "HAY LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY HARD DRIVE!"

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

They lay in the afterglow and for awhile in silence. Dorothy was half asleep, sprawled over Relena with her head resting on her chest. Her hand was still tangled in Relena's dark blonde hair, and she rubbed strands of it between her thumb and forefinger.

Eventually, Relena began to whisper into the stillness, and Dorothy couldn't tell if she was speaking to her or to no one at all.

"I lost my virginity when I was fourteen to a boy I was dating at school, and I still think of it as a loss, because I didn't get anything out of it.

"When I was thirteen, I only liked girls and I knew it, but my best friend Suki told me the names boys called girls who wouldn't sleep with them. They were horrible names, she said, and they meant awful things, like that you were a lesbian.

"I never told Suki I liked girls. She never knew. She didn't know I was in love with her. I was terrified of what she'd say. She would tell me about girls who were frigid, and dykes, and bitches, and teases. She said a boy told everyone her older sister was frigid bitch, and no one liked her after that.

"She was the one who introduced me to Andrew. She said he was a nice boy, and my parents would like him, and we could fall in love, so it would be okay to have sex.

"I wasn't in love with Andrew, of course, I was in love with Suki. But I went out with him anyway, and let him kiss me, and tell me he loved me. He was lying, of course, he just wanted to sleep with me. But I didn't want people to think I was a frigid bitch, or for Suki to know I was a horrible lesbian. So the day he told me his parents were away for the weekend, I went over to his house and I went up to his room.

Relena's hair fluttered in Dorothy's soft, even breaths.

Re: I call this one "HAY LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY HARD DRIVE!"

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

"It was his first time, too. He fumbled, and slipped, and everything was awkward. He kept telling me he loved me, and I kept saying I know, I know. He almost forgot about the condom...

"When he was done, he asked me was it any, and did I you know? I lied, and said yes. Even though I knew what an orgasm felt like, and I knew I hadn't. But I thought if I said no, he might want to try it again, and I just wanted to go home.

"But he fell asleep on me, and he was too heavy to move, so I just lay there, staring at his wall.

"When I turned my head to the side, there was a great patch of green, floating in my vision. Andrew had a bright red poster on his wall, and I'd looked at it so long, when I stopped looking, I saw the negative.

"The whole time, I kept thinking of Suki, and how she'd kissed me on the cheek the day before, for luck, and it burned for hours."

Dorothy felt a hand ghost along her spine. "Are you asleep, Dorothy?"

"No."

"Oh."

Re: I call this one "HAY LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY HARD DRIVE!"

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

She pushed herself up on her elbow and looked Relena over. "You're too good to be wasted on a man, lover mine."

"Hmm." A soft smile graced Relena's lips. "A few months later, Heero showed up and the war started, and I had other things on my mind."

"What about Hilde?"

"Hilde was later. After the Eve War. She and Duo were visiting me. She told me I worked too hard, and dragged me out of my office. There was a tickling game, and the next thing I knew, she was ripping my skirt off. It was wonderful. It was everything I thought sex was supposed to be."

"But it didn't last..."

"Dragging me away from work turned out to be harder than she thought it would be. I used to feel so guilty. Read a treaty draft, or go to bed early to be with her...more often than not, it would be the treaty, and she hated it. I don't blame her for leaving me."

Dorothy began nuzzling Relena's ribs. "Hmm."

Relena reached down to cup Dorothy's face with one hand. "Don't leave me," she whispered. "I couldn't handle it again. It hurt so badly the first time, I thought I'd die. Duo stayed with me an extra week, he was so worried after she left..."

Dorothy laid a slow and lingering kiss on Relena's palm. "You couldn't pry me away with crowbar. Ever since I met you, I've wanted to be around you. You're mine now."

A little giggled escaped her. "Oh, good."

A pale blond head rose to kiss her lips, then began tracing a slow descent along Relena's torso. At the same time, Dorothy slid her hand between Relena's parted legs and stroked the still-damp flesh. "Funny what we get there, isn't it. Better than KY."

"Mmm. Kind of a waste, isn't it?" Relena wiggled and arched her back. "Nature only meant one thing to go in and one thing to come out."

"Nature can fuck off."

"I couldn't agree more."

Re: I call this one "HAY LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY HARD DRIVE!"

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

Story notes:

I like to call this, Another Installment of That Goddamn Brain-Sucking Arc. This fic is a bitch and a half (no innuendo intended). I've had about six false starts--or maybe I should say, this is the seventh or so story I've started set in the same universe as "Worthless," and the only one I particularly care for. Writing about these chickies is hard. I *mostly* understand Relena, and what motivates her, although she's always pointing out to me the discrepencies between her feelings and her rationalizations. The hardest thing about writing Relena, though, is having to ruthlessly cut back all the swearing about Dorothy. I want her to be actually as sincere and polite as she appears, not just very good at acting nice around people she doesn't like. Egads. I maintain it's harder to write a genuinely nice person interacting with a bitch than it is to write a bitch. Except, I still have no idea WTF Dorothy wants. All I know is she's fixated on Relena. Watching all of GW helped, especially that scene where she stabs Quatre, but I'm pretty clueless. I'm afraid if I tried writing anything from the Catalonia's perspective, my head would implode.

And I still don't know why there are G-Girls reciting the poetry of William Butler Yeats in my head.

I hadn't actually been planning to give Relena a nervous breakdown anytime soon. The point of her angst was supposed to be that she was every bit as good at being altruistic as she thought she should be, hence being trapped. Kind of a parallel to those fics where Heeo is totally fixated on fighting the war, 'cause ya know, he's the perfect soldier (I hate that phrase almost as much as I hate 'Jester's Mask.') But those stories were boring, because Relena never did anything but work and have internal roiling angst, which she did already in "Worthless." At some point, it occured to me that if she *didn't* have a nervous breakdown, i.e. the perfect excuse to force her to step down from office and go have arguments with Dorothy fraught with sexual tension, I didn't have much of a story. Voila, instant plot device: add water and stir.

Having taken away Relena's main motivation for living, I have no idea yet whether I'll let her return to doing public good. Maybe in a part-time capacity. Unlike certain unnamed authors I might or might not beta for, I don't get off on dragging my characters over fields of broken glass for the angst factor. Well, maybe just a little. But I'm a sucker for happy endings, by which I do not mean imitating Alfred Hitchcock.


Pressing Down the Fountain is one of those poems which I wrote very much in mind of GW characters, even though nothing in the poem indicates it. It's about Relena and Dorothy, but, ::shrug:: far be it from me to stop you from interpreting howsoever you chose.

The poems by W.B. Yeats are, in order of appearence: To A Young Girl, The Second Coming, Sailing to Byzantium, A Prayer for My Daughter, No Second Troy, and The White Birds.

I have been known to nip
And to rip into shreds
Old stories for their good bits
And to leave the rest for dead.

Why waste the good bits? I regularly cannabalize my old (bad) stories for good lines or segments. I'm a great fan of recycling.

Yes, I'm aware I was mucking up details in Relena's flashback. The way they did it in the anime was stupid. I like this better. More pathos.