Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: wtf is this, anyway?

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

"How do you feel?" he says so softly.

High notes can shatter glass. And he would never cut me.

"Broken."

Duo strokes my back. "Do you want me to send them home?"

Why did the sight of her bring me back to the edge? I thought I was better. But I have been falling all this time, alone, unsatisfied. I am drowning in my own life..

"No," I whisper. High notes can shatter glass. "I'll go and talk to them. I'll be...fine...you know..." Standing up is painful. I feel every scar on my skin. Step and step and step; the road goes ever on. Duo, help me walk. His elbow is under mine. "God, Duo, I'm a mess."

He laughs and it makes me shiver. "Yeah, you are. I'm gonna stick you in bed and get Dorothy, okay, Peacecraft?"

"No. I can walk." Help me, Duo.

"If I let you go, you'll keel over and Heero will kill me for dropping you."

I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown.

This is wrong. This is all wrong. I sent her a letter just two months ago and I didn't cry at all.
My life is swallowing me up.

"Relena!" Someone sounds frantic. I have to fix things, I'm the Minister, it's my job. Duo, where are you?

Now I'm slumped in Duo's arms and I think maybe it's a year ago when I was bleeding on the ground of my garden because I stepped on broken glass. The walls are gone and the world is going dark and all I can feel is Duo's heart racing in his chest. I can hear him shouting for Sally, saying she's fainted and she's gone cold and everything is black and

I remember how just a week ago I felt sly and sweet when I laid a finger on the picture of a blue vinca flower and said to Heero how the color was just that of Duo Maxwell's eyes, knowing the smile it would draw from him and

her wide eyes across my dining room asked me for forgiveness

and I loved you Hilde, and you said walk on this, bitch and

My soul is bleeding; I must have stepped on broken glass.

Re: wtf is this, anyway?

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

There are three major conferences I must attend in the next month. Eighteen meetings; six are still unscheduled. I have five speeches to give in the next two weeks. There are twelve signed documents sitting on my desk that need delivering to offices in the capital; thirty-six documents still waiting for my signature, of which I have read twenty-two. Nine others must be sent back to their issuers because they contain unclear language.

I recite this list to myself before I open my eyes. My bedroom is streaming with morning sunlight and Heero sits, dark and complacent, in an armchair near me, sipping what smells like coffee. I frown slightly; I was sure he preferred tea these days.

"How do you feel?" he asks. His voice is devoid of inflection, but I see a hint of concern in his expression.

I shake my head, raking my hands through my mussed hair. I find that I am wearing a loose nightgown of pale blue. I wonder who changed my clothing.
Probably Duo. "I don't know," I say. "Sleepy. Can I have some of that coffee?"

Rather than calling someone or fetching some more, Heero moves to sit by me on the bed and hands me the mug. I taste it, and it is dark and sweet, the way I like it. ...Heero drinks his coffee black. I notice the steaming pot alone on the table; no sugar bowl, no second mug. I put my hand on his leg and sigh. "Were you drinking my coffee or did you sweeten yours for
me?"

Re: wtf is this, anyway?

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

He doesn't answer, but he smiles faintly. His hand rises to stroke my hair, and I lean into the intimacy of the touch. "Why didn't you ask me to stay, Relena? I would have stayed here to help you if you'd asked."

I close my eyes. "This isn't your life. It's mine." I lace my fingers around my mug as if to take its heat into my cold self. "I liked having you visit. I thought it was enough."

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you were so unhappy."

"How could you know when I didn't know myself?"

He lifts the mug from my hands for a drink. The gesture is so close and familiar that I want to cry. "You understand things about me that I can't even see," he told me. "You made sure I would be here in time to see him while I was still wondering. I used to think..." Heero rises from the bed to pace by my sunny window. He is so dark and grim in my pale pink bedroom that it is laughable. But then, I'm so pale and tragic I don't belong here either.

He shakes his head. "I used to think you mattered because you led the world into peace. But you do things for people...for me..." He sits again in the chair and leans towards me with a firm gaze I know better than to call a glare. "You can't lead this way, Relena. You're emotionally unstable."

I wince. "Call a spade a spade, I suppose...what do you have in mind as a solution, then?" I just collapsed at my birthday party because the ex-girlfriend who broke up with me a year ago dropped by for a visit; it's not exactly as if I can argue with him.

"Duo spoke with Sally Po last night. He said she recommended taking reducing your activities and finding a therapist."

"I don't really have time."

Re: wtf is this, anyway?

[cerusee.livejournal.com]

Heero's eyes flash. "Dorothy has already cleared your schedule for the next two weeks. There is a Vice-Minister, you know."

I laugh in spite of myself. "Very well, Heero. I will do as the good doctor reccommends. I'm drafting you if war breaks out, though..." It isn't very funny, but I just can't bring myself to care. I don't know why it is that Heero smiles, but he does.