Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Shut up, Jean," an older soldier snapped at him.
"Look, sir, I'm just saying what everyone knows..." the younger man started.
"I said shut your mouth," the soldier snarled back. "The transport is here."
Duo and Heero shared a look, for once in perfect understanding. Sounds of shouting and commotion drifted in from outside, and the slamming of an car door. New, fresh guards began to pour into the room, wearing badges and tabs of rank that neither of the Gundam pilots had ever seen before. All heads turned in respect (or fear) as one person entered the room, and both pilots braced themselves.
She was tall -- much taller than either of them -- and a bit on the heavy side; her short-cropped red hair curled slightly close to her head. Her teeth were clenched and a glint of steel was in her eye; she held a manilla folder in one hand in a deathgrip as she marched across the floor, her boots clicking resoundingly into the silence. On her jacket was pinned a small, neat tag: Rosie Harnum, Organization of the Zodiac, Department Head, Financial. C.P.A.
A hush settled over the room, as she leveled a deadly glare on the two Gundam pilots. Heero stared stonily back, but Duo wilted in spite of himself. Exposure to nuns at an impressionable age had taught him the menace inherent in that particular glare.
"So," Harnum said after a minute, in a voice that would condense helium. "Gundam pilots 01 and 02. At last we meet face to face."
"I wasn't aware we'd met before," Heero replied, trying and failing to put quite the same chill into his voice.
One corner of the woman's mouth quirked up in a humorless smile. "Not as such, no," she told him, "but I have become, shall we say, intimately acquainted with the chaos that a Gundam Pilot leaves in his wake."
"Look, lady, this is war, and we're just --" Duo started to say, but Harnum raised one hand, palm outwards; several guns trained squarely on Duo's head, and his mouth snapped shut.
She went on. "I don't pretend to understand the whole complexities of Earth-Colony politics, nor would I care to. No doubt your silly oversized toys serve some cause in that respect. HOWEVER!" Her eyes snapped with fire, and she brandished her manilla folder like a weapon with every word. "I am thoroughly, absolutely, sick to death of the way you lot have been making free with our payroll to finance your little war!"
Stunned into silence, Heero and Duo exchanged disbelieving glances, as Harnum continued to rant, in full operatic voice.

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused? I don't know how you manage to hack into our accounts, and frankly, I don't care! You've been making free with the Organization of the Zodiac's financial accounts for months now, and the entire Financial department is in an uproar! I've had it!"
She paused, breathing harsh, while every single soldier in the room looked at her with poorly-concealed terror.
It was one thing to face mobile suits in battle. But Harnum was in charge of financials; if anyone was so unfortunate as to incur her wrath, he could find himself in the next battle firing spitballs at his enemies.
"So..." Duo said hesitantly into the silence. "What are you going to do with us?"
Harnum gave a poisonous smile. "Oh, I'm not going to do anything to you," she said coldly. Turning slightly, she beckoned to someone outside, just out of sight/
Heero started. "Then why go to all this trouble? Just to rant at us?" he growled.
The woman shrugged, still smiling. "But of course, now that we've located you, all the queries, demands, and back forms that have been piling up in our offices can be directed to the appropriate parties." A large, burly man staggered in, carrying a large plastic bin with paper spilling out of the top. He slammed it down in front of the startled pilots. "In other words, you."
Duo stared at the plastic bins with a growing look of horror. Satisfaction was plain on Harnum's face as she explained, "Now, you're going to document where every single cent of that money went, what it was used for, and how you got it. In triplicate."
Heero looked up at her, glowering. "You actually expect us to fill all these out?" he growled.
"Of course not," Harnum said in a mock-offended tone. "Lee? Conrad? Jay?"
Three more, equally burly men followed, with plastic storage bins of the same size. "That first one is just the instructions," Harnum explained sweetly.
Heero folded his arms, looking obstinate. "I don't see any reason why I should go along with this idiocy," he announced.
Harnum frowned fiercely at him. "The fact that there are guns pointed at you isn't enough?" she demanded.
Heero raised his head proudly. "You can't scare me like that," he said scornfully. Duo hissed, and poked him in the side with his elbow.

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"Heero," he muttered out of the side of his mouth. "Haven't we talked about this deathwish of yours?"
For a moment, Harnum looked angry, but then her face turned thoughtful. "Very well," she acquiesced, then smiled nastily. "But since you won't cooperate, we'll just have to find some other way to make up the deficit. There's a great demand for Gundanium right now; I imagine that if we rendered that oversized toy of yours down for parts, they would sell for quite a lot."
Heero paled at this pronouncement; Duo blanched and grabbed Heero's arm, ignoring the gun muzzles that swung towards him at the sudden movement. "Heero!" he wailed. "You can't let them cannibalize Shinigami! Just do what they tell you to!"
"Ngh..." For a long moment Heero appeared to be struggling with himself, then his shoulders slumped. "...Ninmu ryoukai," he muttered.
Duo breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Heero," he muttered. "Anyway, really, how hard could it be?"
***
"Write the total earnings found on line 12-B of form H45-t less the deductibles tallied on worksheet 12-D on form 562MY..." Duo trailed off, shuffling through the instructions. "...what the hell? Is this even ENGLISH?"
From the other side of the table, the only furnishing in the small room they were locked in, Heero made a noise that was a cross between a grunt and a whimper.
Duo flipped through a couple pages, then flipped back, then tossed the whole handful of paper over his shoulder, where it blizzarded down to join another stack of paper that had received similar treatment. He grabbed another sheet and scanned through it, brows knotting.
"Heero, did you keep receipts of your purchases in August?" he asked. "This says we have to include printed authentications of all our claimed purchases during that time period."
Heero looked up from his own papers, frowning. "I bought ammunition and replacement fusion coils from six different underground terrorist cells. None of them were in the habit of printing out receipts!" He grabbed another handful of paper from a pile at his right hand and shuffled through it. He brightened. "Alternatively, we can use signed authorizations from our employers..."
"Employers?" Duo looked incredulous. "We don't even have employers! We work freelance!"

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"I could probably get away with claiming J as my employer... if I could get in contact with him..." Heero said thoughtfully.
Duo snorted in disdain. "He'd probably just order you to self-destruct again."
Heero looked in dismay at the piles of paper that seemed to be growing taller and taller around them. "That's starting to sound like a better idea all the time."
* * *
"We've gotta make a break for it," Duo proclaimed. "Take'm by surprise. Make a run for the Gundams."
Firmly, though not without regret, Heero shook his head. "We wouldn't get more than a few yards," he predicted glumly. "And besides, Harnum has probably already moved our Gundams. She's sadistic, but she's no fool."
Duo slumped. "Damn," he muttered. "I hate you when you're right, Heero."
"But you love me the rest of the time, right?"
"..." Shutting his mouth firmly, Duo picked up another paper.
***
"Hey, Heero," Duo began, raising his head to look over the stack of papers at his partner, "what's 86,451.21 divided by 54?"
"How the hell should I know?" Heero growled, not raising his head from where it was propped on his hands. "She gave you the calculator, not me."
"Yeah, but it's broken." When Heero failed to respond, Duo crumpled off a piece of paper and threw it, bouncing it expertly off Heero's forehead. He immediately regretted it because of the wince and pained-sounding groan that Heero gave in response, but at least it got his attention. "C'mon, Heero. 86,451.21 divided by 53. You're the living computer here, not me."
Heero raised his head just enough to give Duo a blood-shot glare; but, reluctantly, he tried to do it out. "...Sixteen hundred," he said, a touch of uncertainty in his voice. "...And something."
"Close enough." Duo scribbled down the numbers, frowning in concentration as he laboriously made his way down the page. On the second-to-last line, his pen ran out of ink; he shook it a few times, scribbling so hard he scored deep lines in the page, before giving up. The pen sailed across the room to dig itself into the plaster wall with a meaty "thunk," joining the group of seven others.
Reaching into his braid, Duo pulled out another pen, then paused. "Crap. This worksheet says it's for registered companies whose gross profit margin is

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"I could probably get away with claiming J as my employer... if I could get in contact with him..." Heero said thoughtfully.
Duo snorted in disdain. "He'd probably just order you to self-destruct again."
Heero looked in dismay at the piles of paper that seemed to be growing taller and taller around them. "That's starting to sound like a better idea all the time."
* * *
"We've gotta make a break for it," Duo proclaimed. "Take'm by surprise. Make a run for the Gundams."
Firmly, though not without regret, Heero shook his head. "We wouldn't get more than a few yards," he predicted glumly. "And besides, Harnum has probably already moved our Gundams. She's sadistic, but she's no fool."
Duo slumped. "Damn," he muttered. "I hate you when you're right, Heero."
"But you love me the rest of the time, right?"
"..." Shutting his mouth firmly, Duo picked up another paper.
***
"Hey, Heero," Duo began, raising his head to look over the stack of papers at his partner, "what's 86,451.21 divided by 54?"
"How the hell should I know?" Heero growled, not raising his head from where it was propped on his hands. "She gave you the calculator, not me."
"Yeah, but it's broken." When Heero failed to respond, Duo crumpled off a piece of paper and threw it, bouncing it expertly off Heero's forehead. He immediately regretted it because of the wince and pained-sounding groan that Heero gave in response, but at least it got his attention. "C'mon, Heero. 86,451.21 divided by 53. You're the living computer here, not me."
Heero raised his head just enough to give Duo a blood-shot glare; but, reluctantly, he tried to do it out. "...Sixteen hundred," he said, a touch of uncertainty in his voice. "...And something."
"Close enough." Duo scribbled down the numbers, frowning in concentration as he laboriously made his way down the page. On the second-to-last line, his pen ran out of ink; he shook it a few times, scribbling so hard he scored deep lines in the page, before giving up. The pen sailed across the room to dig itself into the plaster wall with a meaty "thunk," joining the group of seven others.
Reaching into his braid, Duo pulled out another pen, then paused. "Crap. This worksheet says it's for registered companies whose gross profit margin is

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

under 30,000 a year."
"But it's form 909-JX, isn't it?" Heero demanded in frustration. "That's the one they say they need!"
"Well, you make sense of it then!" Duo snarled, shoving the papers across the table at Heero. "Remember what that harpy said? No food or water until we get this done. And at this rate, we'll starve to death before we get halfway through!"
"I hadn't forgotten!" Heero snapped, grabbing the handful of papers away from him.
In sullen silence, the two pilots bent back to work again.
***
"...Duo?"
Duo looked up from where he was folding paper sheets into various historical aircraft models. "Yeah?"
"Have you seen the B-240-C form anywhere?" Heero asked, perplexed.
Duo looked faintly guilty. "Er, sorry, Heero, I think that was the Enola Gay." He glanced upwards, where several pink- and yellow-colored sheets were embedded point-first into the ceiling.
Heero thumped his head against the table. Duo continued folding with relish. "Wait! I'll see if I can't knock it down!"
***
Frowning, Heero looked up from the instruction sheet. "Duo?" he asked, perplexed.
"Hn?" Duo didn't move.
"What's 'accrual'?"
Duo stirred, and one bloodshot eye glared at him. "This is accrual and unusual punishment," he declared.
Heero had to agree.
***
"Oh, shit! Apparently there's a percentage surcharge if you access their accounts from a remote terminal!"
"Well, what was I supposed to do, try and break into their headquarters?"
***
"Hey, Heero?"
"Yes, Duo?"
"Got any guns hidden in your spandex? I'm feeling the need to make a quick end of this."

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"No, Duo."
"Damn."
***
"Deductibles?? Why the hell would we want to save Oz on taxes?"
" 'Cause Harnum threatened to castrate us if we didn't."
"...Oh."
A pause.
"Well... we used Oz stolen property to transport our Gundams that one time, right? So wouldn't the gas cost be deductible?"
"...Do you remember what mileage we got?"
Another pause.
"Crap."
***
"...Swing loo~ow, sweet cha~riot... Coming forth to carry me home..."
"Heero?"
"Yes Duo?"
"Shut up."
"Yes Duo."
***
Forty-three hours, sixteen minutes, and five guard shift changes later, the prisoners started pounding on the door, signaling either that they were finished, or that they were going postal. Nervously, the guards unlocked the bolt on the door, edging it open. Pilot 02 was slumped over the table, shreds of paper everywhere; Pilot 01 had one of the plastic crates, filled to the brim with neatly stacked white pages, and a bloodshot glare.
"Where's Harnum?" he growled.
Speak of the devil, the woman in question wandered up, accompanied by her personal assistants. "So you're finished!" she remarked brightly, with a vulpine smile. "I was beginning to wonder if you boys could handle it."
Heero just gave her a wordless glare and growl. Conrad, the burly assistant, took the plastic crate and held it up for Harnum. Ignoring Heero, the accountant started leafing through the papers. "Not too bad," she chuckled, "even if it is amateur work all the way through. Everything seems to be in order."
Disdaining to reply, Heero turned back into the room and shook Duo's shoulder; receiving no reply, he grabbed the unconscious boy's arm, slinging it over his shoulder, and hoisted him to their feet.

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Dropping the papers back in their stacks, Harnum gave them a completely false smile. "Well, Mr. Yuy, it looks like we're even," she smirked. "Just remember this little lesson the next time you feel like helping yourself to some quick cash." She made a show of checking her watch. "Now, I have a very important meeting later this morning -- so, if you'll follow me, boys?" Nodding to her assistants, she started towards the front door.
The regular troops exchanged nervous glances. Just as she walked through the door, one of them plucked up enough nerve to call after her. "Uh... ma'am... what should we do with the prisoners?"
"What, them?" Her voice floated back. "Oh, you can go ahead and kill them now."
All of the troops looked shocked, but some of them also immensely cheered. While most of them were still frozen in surprise, a few of the soldiers stepped forward and leveled their guns on the Gundam Pilots.
Suddenly Duo, who had apparently been asleep on Heero's shoulder, snapped into motion. Throwing himself to one side, he tackled the nearest soldier, both hands closing on the surprised man's gun barrel. Shots fired, going wild as the confused soldiers tried to track the sudden blur of motion. Heero launched himself in the other direction, splitting the field of fire, and ducked behind the slowest-moving soldier even as Duo won possession of the gun and came up firing.
A bullet, whether aimed or wild, exploded the bare overhead bulb, throwing the room into a confusing morass of light and shadows. Shots rang out, together with the commotion of angry voices, as first Heero then Duo crept out through broken windows. By the time the commanding officer restored order and sent the others pouring out of the building to search, the pilots had already hot-wired a car and were peeling off down the road.
"They'll cut us off from the Gundams," Duo shouted over the stressed motor. "We don't have time to search for wherever they moved them to."
"We'll get them back later," Heero said, not letting up his white-knuckled grip on the wheel. "Harnum's car has vanished."
"Damn!" Duo paused a moment to twist around in his seat and fire at the closest following vehicle. Turning back, he said in a conversational tone, "I really have a bone to pick with her. I'm hungry, thirsty, my eyes haven't uncrossed yet, and my hand is cramping so bad I can barely shoot!"
"We'll just have to find her again," Heero said with a grim smile. "Although if

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Dropping the papers back in their stacks, Harnum gave them a completely false smile. "Well, Mr. Yuy, it looks like we're even," she smirked. "Just remember this little lesson the next time you feel like helping yourself to some quick cash." She made a show of checking her watch. "Now, I have a very important meeting later this morning -- so, if you'll follow me, boys?" Nodding to her assistants, she started towards the front door.
The regular troops exchanged nervous glances. Just as she walked through the door, one of them plucked up enough nerve to call after her. "Uh... ma'am... what should we do with the prisoners?"
"What, them?" Her voice floated back. "Oh, you can go ahead and kill them now."
All of the troops looked shocked, but some of them also immensely cheered. While most of them were still frozen in surprise, a few of the soldiers stepped forward and leveled their guns on the Gundam Pilots.
Suddenly Duo, who had apparently been asleep on Heero's shoulder, snapped into motion. Throwing himself to one side, he tackled the nearest soldier, both hands closing on the surprised man's gun barrel. Shots fired, going wild as the confused soldiers tried to track the sudden blur of motion. Heero launched himself in the other direction, splitting the field of fire, and ducked behind the slowest-moving soldier even as Duo won possession of the gun and came up firing.
A bullet, whether aimed or wild, exploded the bare overhead bulb, throwing the room into a confusing morass of light and shadows. Shots rang out, together with the commotion of angry voices, as first Heero then Duo crept out through broken windows. By the time the commanding officer restored order and sent the others pouring out of the building to search, the pilots had already hot-wired a car and were peeling off down the road.
"They'll cut us off from the Gundams," Duo shouted over the stressed motor. "We don't have time to search for wherever they moved them to."
"We'll get them back later," Heero said, not letting up his white-knuckled grip on the wheel. "Harnum's car has vanished."
"Damn!" Duo paused a moment to twist around in his seat and fire at the closest following vehicle. Turning back, he said in a conversational tone, "I really have a bone to pick with her. I'm hungry, thirsty, my eyes haven't uncrossed yet, and my hand is cramping so bad I can barely shoot!"
"We'll just have to find her again," Heero said with a grim smile. "Although if

Re: The Final Accounting

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

she decides to try and sell off parts of our Gundams, we can trace the purchases back to her." He executed a turn so sharp, the car was briefly up on two wheels, before slamming back down onto the road.
"Great!" Duo smiled, dropping back into his seat. "Just do me a favor, okay Heero?"
"What's that, Duo?" Heero said, eyes on the road.
"Next time you need money... get a fucking McDonald's job!"

~owari~