Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

had prompted him to break Heero out of the hospital the following day, and though it was buried under resentment and anger after Heero's violation of Deathscythe, it had never really gone away and eventually developed into a full-blown infatuation. When the Mad Five had ordered them to work together, Heero reacted to the news with obvious annoyance, and Duo with well-concealed delight. That very night he had resolved that somehow during the course of their partnership, he would find a way to seduce Heero.
And, in the end, he had. Heero had not been at all amenable to the idea at first; it had taken a persistence that only Duo was capable of to convince him, and he'd done more fast-talking that one night than he ever had before. He could hardly remember now everything he'd told Heero in order to persuade him that sleeping with his partner would be good for the Mission. Well, ninmu kanryou; he got Heero.
Their relationship wasn't perfect, but then relationships rarely were. Heero remained as cold and harsh as ever, but Duo was confident that he would work his way under the Perfect Soldier's skin given enough time. Heero had yet to admit that there was anything between them besides sex, but again, Duo was patient. He didn't want to rush things and scare Heero off. The sex was nothing to scoff at, anyway; Heero had the body of a minor God, even if he tended to be a bit rough and harsh at times. And Duo had yet to break him in to the habit of cuddling, though not for lack of practice.
The mission's fatigue was taking its toll on him, and Duo was beginning to drop off again when Heero shifted. Without a word, the other soldier turned over in Duo's arms, supporting himself over Duo on his elbows, and began laying kisses on Duo's jaw. Duo opened his eyes again, blinking fuzzily up at Heero, but he didn't come fully awake until Heero started to slide a hand under Duo's shirt. Then it happened with a jolt, like the clamor of sudden noise in his ears, and he was wide awake again.
Damn. Regretfully -- for he loved it when Heero took the initiative and hated to discourage him -- he reached his hand up to push Heero away. "Not tonight, Heero," he sighed.
Heero stared at him for a moment, eyes blank, like a computer processing an unrecognized command. This was the first time since they had begun sleeping together that Duo had refused. "Why not?" he asked flatly.
Duo felt his eyes almost fill with tears. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. And I don't want to tell him. "I'm not in the mood," he said, and winced. Oh, that came out sounding wrong. That sounded more like something Heero would say.

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"I'll get you in the mood." It was one of Duo's own lines, reflected back at him, but Duo usually filled it with a suggestive purr and a come-hither smile. When Heero said it he sounded like he was reading from a phone book. As though that had settled the matter, he lowered his head and began to methodically kiss down Duo's neck to his shoulder.
"Heero!" Duo gasped, again pushing Heero away. "Look, Heero, I just came back from a real bitch of a mission... I'm tired and I just want to sleep, okay?"
"This will help you sleep," Heero replied in the monotone. "Sexual intercourse helps reduce stress levels after missions, particularly failed missions. Isn't that what you told me?"
Duo stared at him, disbelief showing in his eyes. "What?" he said incredulously. "Come on, Heero. I'm all bruised and cut up and... and I really just don't want to do this now. Maybe tomorrow, okay?" He gulped back on the unsteadiness in his voice.
But Heero ignored him. He reached for Duo's undershirt, tugging it upwards, and Duo felt anger spark. "Damn it, Yuy, cut it out!" he growled, shoving at Heero hard. "I told you, cut it out! So get off of me already."
There was a moment's pause, and Duo tried to collect his composure, to tamp down on the resentment. Right now he needed his partner's comfort and support, and Heero was going all perfect-soldier on him. Maybe consideration was a bit much to expect, since Heero didn't know, but...
"No."
That one calm word froze Duo with disbelief, and in that moment Heero got hold of his shirt and yanked it up over his head. It tangled with his arms and messy braid, and Duo momentarily panicked, struggling against the cotton. "Godammit, Heero, what are you doing?" he cried. "I said, no! Didn't you hear me?"
"I heard you," Heero answered calmly. "And there were many times when I also told you no. Sex relieves stress. Sex increases endorphin levels to improve physical and mental health. Sex improves team relations and increases coordination between partners. That's what you said to me, Duo. Were you lying?"
Duo was shaking now, and he yanked at the cotton undershirt until it split along the seams and freed his arms. "That's different," he said desperately, trying to choke down on the panic threatening to engulf him. "It's not the same."
"Why?" Heero asked implacably. "Just because you're not in the mood tonight? Was it all a lie you made up for your personal gratification?"
Duo's temper exploded. "Fuck you, Heero!" he cried, and swung his fist with

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

"I'll get you in the mood." It was one of Duo's own lines, reflected back at him, but Duo usually filled it with a suggestive purr and a come-hither smile. When Heero said it he sounded like he was reading from a phone book. As though that had settled the matter, he lowered his head and began to methodically kiss down Duo's neck to his shoulder.
"Heero!" Duo gasped, again pushing Heero away. "Look, Heero, I just came back from a real bitch of a mission... I'm tired and I just want to sleep, okay?"
"This will help you sleep," Heero replied in the monotone. "Sexual intercourse helps reduce stress levels after missions, particularly failed missions. Isn't that what you told me?"
Duo stared at him, disbelief showing in his eyes. "What?" he said incredulously. "Come on, Heero. I'm all bruised and cut up and... and I really just don't want to do this now. Maybe tomorrow, okay?" He gulped back on the unsteadiness in his voice.
But Heero ignored him. He reached for Duo's undershirt, tugging it upwards, and Duo felt anger spark. "Damn it, Yuy, cut it out!" he growled, shoving at Heero hard. "I told you, cut it out! So get off of me already."
There was a moment's pause, and Duo tried to collect his composure, to tamp down on the resentment. Right now he needed his partner's comfort and support, and Heero was going all perfect-soldier on him. Maybe consideration was a bit much to expect, since Heero didn't know, but...
"No."
That one calm word froze Duo with disbelief, and in that moment Heero got hold of his shirt and yanked it up over his head. It tangled with his arms and messy braid, and Duo momentarily panicked, struggling against the cotton. "Godammit, Heero, what are you doing?" he cried. "I said, no! Didn't you hear me?"
"I heard you," Heero answered calmly. "And there were many times when I also told you no. Sex relieves stress. Sex increases endorphin levels to improve physical and mental health. Sex improves team relations and increases coordination between partners. That's what you said to me, Duo. Were you lying?"
Duo was shaking now, and he yanked at the cotton undershirt until it split along the seams and freed his arms. "That's different," he said desperately, trying to choke down on the panic threatening to engulf him. "It's not the same."
"Why?" Heero asked implacably. "Just because you're not in the mood tonight? Was it all a lie you made up for your personal gratification?"
Duo's temper exploded. "Fuck you, Heero!" he cried, and swung his fist with

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

all of his fury into Heero's face. The soldier's head snapped to the side, and Duo followed up on it, slamming his double hands into the side of Heero's neck. Heero recovered quickly, and, grabbing hold of Duo's hands, easily pinned them to the mattress beside Duo's head. They struggled, but Heero was stronger. Much stronger. Desperately, Duo wrenched both of his legs up between their bodies and kicked out into Heero's stomach. The breath left Heero's lungs in a huff and his grip on Duo's wrists loosened, enough that he could break free. Kicking against Heero, he twisted onto his hands and knees and scrambled for the edge of the bed. Before he could reach it, however, a hand grabbed his arm and dragged him back, causing a strangled scream of pain to escape from between his teeth as the previously wrenched arm protested violently. The burning blackness that flashed up from his shoulder incinerated the anger that gave him power, and panic overtook him as he felt Heero land on his back, pinning him to the bed. He thrashed violently, but his muscles were weak from fatigue and pain, and Heero was just too strong. So strong.
He felt his boxer shorts being yanked down around his hips, and arched his head and neck off the bed, eyes wide but unseeing with fear. "Heero," he cried desperately, as Heero shifted his weight to lean over to the nightstand. "Please, Heero, stop this! Please!"
A grunt was his response, and then Heero's voice came back to him, sounding more than a little annoyed. "What's wrong with you, Duo?" he asked. "You never minded before."
He pins me to the bed and rips my clothes off and he wants to know what's wrong with ME? Duo thought crazily, the disbelieving thought flashing quickly through his brain. It was erased a moment later, though, as he felt a slick finger slip between his legs. Past and present crashed together for an earth-shaking moment before Duo grabbed hold of himself and desperately tried to reason with his partner one last time. "Heero... listen, please..." he whimpered, hating the weakness and pleading in his own voice. "During the mission... it went wrong, I... there were these soldiers, where there shouldn't have been... I got caught, and I.... they..."
Heero paused for a moment, and Duo's heart leapt into his throat with hope. "You got captured?" he said flatly. "That was stupid."
Duo flinched, his hands digging into the sheets and blankets. "J... just for a short time..." he mumbled. "But they... they... they raped me, Heero... there were five of them and they held me down and..."

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

all of his fury into Heero's face. The soldier's head snapped to the side, and Duo followed up on it, slamming his double hands into the side of Heero's neck. Heero recovered quickly, and, grabbing hold of Duo's hands, easily pinned them to the mattress beside Duo's head. They struggled, but Heero was stronger. Much stronger. Desperately, Duo wrenched both of his legs up between their bodies and kicked out into Heero's stomach. The breath left Heero's lungs in a huff and his grip on Duo's wrists loosened, enough that he could break free. Kicking against Heero, he twisted onto his hands and knees and scrambled for the edge of the bed. Before he could reach it, however, a hand grabbed his arm and dragged him back, causing a strangled scream of pain to escape from between his teeth as the previously wrenched arm protested violently. The burning blackness that flashed up from his shoulder incinerated the anger that gave him power, and panic overtook him as he felt Heero land on his back, pinning him to the bed. He thrashed violently, but his muscles were weak from fatigue and pain, and Heero was just too strong. So strong.
He felt his boxer shorts being yanked down around his hips, and arched his head and neck off the bed, eyes wide but unseeing with fear. "Heero," he cried desperately, as Heero shifted his weight to lean over to the nightstand. "Please, Heero, stop this! Please!"
A grunt was his response, and then Heero's voice came back to him, sounding more than a little annoyed. "What's wrong with you, Duo?" he asked. "You never minded before."
He pins me to the bed and rips my clothes off and he wants to know what's wrong with ME? Duo thought crazily, the disbelieving thought flashing quickly through his brain. It was erased a moment later, though, as he felt a slick finger slip between his legs. Past and present crashed together for an earth-shaking moment before Duo grabbed hold of himself and desperately tried to reason with his partner one last time. "Heero... listen, please..." he whimpered, hating the weakness and pleading in his own voice. "During the mission... it went wrong, I... there were these soldiers, where there shouldn't have been... I got caught, and I.... they..."
Heero paused for a moment, and Duo's heart leapt into his throat with hope. "You got captured?" he said flatly. "That was stupid."
Duo flinched, his hands digging into the sheets and blankets. "J... just for a short time..." he mumbled. "But they... they... they raped me, Heero... there were five of them and they held me down and..."

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He was crying, now, like he had vowed he would not do; tears leaking from his eyes and soaking the sheets, because he hadn't wanted to tell Heero, and never like this.
His head was twisted to the side, cheek against the sheets, and he saw out of the corner of his eyes as Heero's blurry form just shrugged. "What happened to you on that mission doesn't matter," he said indifferently. "I don't care."
And Duo forgot to breathe, he just couldn't move in that long moment of disbelief, denying reality. Dimly, he felt Heero's fingers push into his anus, and he made a strangled sound in his throat because it hurt. Heero prepped him, like he always did, with the clockwork method of a machine, adding a new finger every set number of seconds, disregarding whether Duo was ready or not. And in his head he could hear the sounds of the Oz soldiers laughing, and even worse than that were the soft voices from the first night that he and Heero had made love. When Duo had taken Heero's face in his hands and promised him with all of his heart that he didn't care what had happened in Heero's past; that it didn't matter to him at all...
It was such a wrong thing to say, it felt so wrong, so terribly wrong it tore his heart into pieces, that everything Heero had said to him that night were exactly the same words that Duo had said to him when he was trying to seduce the beautiful, cold boy into his bed, and more foolishly yet, into his heart. And it was so wrong that he had taught Heero to do these things to him, given him the weapons that could destroy him like nothing else could, because he was so eager to prove to Heero how much he loved him, so that Heero would love him back. It was a lie, it always had been from the very beginning -- and Duo had lied to himself, believing that he meant something to Heero, and Heero had lied to him by letting him believe it, no, but he had never lied, he just had never told Duo that he hated him that much, and that not telling him was a lie too...
He cried out, a short, sharp sound when Heero finished his prep and pushed into him -- well lubricated like Duo had always taught him -- not because it hurt but because he could feel the Oz officers tearing into him and there was no way to keep the memories away. They overwhelmed him, dragging him into a nightmare of past and present, because the worst part about it was not that this was being done to him but because it was done by the one person he trusted above others, the one person he had foolishly believed would never hurt him. When Heero pulled him up onto his knees, and reached around underneath him to grasp Duo's cock -- just like they had done so many times -- that was the moment

Re: Honey

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

when Duo's world truly began to fracture.
He heard himself moaning in pleasure, distant and detached and uncontrolled, but at the same time he was crying out in agony and betrayal and feeling every cell in his body cracking with the grief of it. And when Heero sped up his pace, pumping rhythmically into Duo's body with lethal precision, and his hand too matched the pace until Duo shattered into his hand.
He didn't feel Heero finish, or pull out of him, and was hardly aware when Heero rolled him over onto his back and arranged the blankets around him. Staring up at the ceiling, he saw Heero's dark form loom over him for a minute and felt nothing, not even when Heero's knuckles brushed his face in an almost tender way. Not until Heero leaned down close to his ear, and said, just what Duo had said that night.
"You enjoyed it, too," he breathed into Duo's ear, almost softly. "So how could it be wrong?"
And not until he straightened up and walked away, leaving Duo there on the bed, did sensation start to return.
He could feel each and every inch of his body, and he realized as he lay there that Heero hadn't really hurt him any more than he already had been. A few small bruises, around his wrists. A bit of chafing, around his anus. Small wounds. By such small wounds we kill men. He lay there, with those small wounds, and there was nothing to stop him from getting out of the bed and walking out the door except that the mechanism which provided the will to motion was gone. That which provided the will to life, was as broken as his will to walk away.
Oh, for the privilege to walk away. Duo remembered: He had been so happy when the professors had ordered Heero to become partner because it had meant that he could not walk away. And tomorrow he would have to get up from this bed, and go with his partner on a mission, and trust his life and everything he was fighting for to Heero. And maybe if he was lucky he would die.

~owari~