Goodbye LJ...

[windandwater]

This is just to make it official for those who don't know, but I'm leaving LJ completely. For the rest of this week at least. Tomorrow is the Bar Exam and it runs for three days, so don't expect to see me about at all until Thursday night. Or even until the weekend since I plan on spending Thursday after the Bar drunk and crying. No online time for me at all. *whines* It will be hard, but I know I can do it.

So, because I'm a total h0r like that, I am declaring this to be a spam post. Go ahead. Run wild! Give me fics, give me links, give me pics, just babble to your heart's content and rape my inbox so I have something to see when I finally DO come back to the wonderful world of LJ. I don't even care if you write me a drabble and post it one word at a time. XD;

Though, I've tried to make a spam post before and it failed a bit miserably, so I don't have very high expectations this time around. Feel free to prove me wrong though!

♥

Comments

Re: All of my GW fic. EVER.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

filched the bottle out of his hands, and took a drink. He fell to coughing almost immediately afterwards; eyes dreaming, he determinedly raised the bottle again and took another gulp. "That's strong," he gasped, looking at the label assessingly. And cheap. And fairly nasty. But it did the trick.

They shared the drink in silence for a little.

"I didn't want to kill him, you know," Heero said softly, staring at his hands. The blood welling up in the razor-sharp cut fascinated him.

"I didn't think you did," Duo replied.

"No, I really didn't," Heero said. "Because he had you. Or you had him. He and you had each other... something like that. I was jealous. Or I tried to be, but it was hard. Because you were so beautiful together, it wasn't fair."

He looked up at Duo, suddenly shy and earnest. "I loved him, you know," he said.

It took another chase of the whiskey to clear the lump out of his throat. "Yeah," Duo whispered. "I thought you might have."

"I didn't want to... Oh God!" Heero cried, covering his face with his hands. "Why did he do it? Why? Why couldn't anyone else have been the one to fight him? Why did it have to be me?"

Duo closed his eyes.

"I had Wing ready, you know... because I knew something was coming but... I didn't know it would be another Gundam. His Altron, it was all a part of Meteor. I saw. Zero showed me. Him and his Gundam, following down to earth in the wake of fire, creating as much havoc as he could. Fire and... death, and destruction... like only a Gundam can achieve. I couldn't let that happen, not for anyone. Not even for him. So when I fought him, I just... I..."

"I know," Duo whispered. His eyes were still closed. Heero didn't even seem to hear.

"And then we were over the water, and I took a hit, and... why?" Heero moaned. "He could have killed me then. He should have. Shot me into the water but he didn't, he gave me a chance, and that opening, I couldn't let it pass by... not for anyone, not even for him... he should have killed me then, but instead I..."

"I know," Duo repeated numbly. "I saw."

"He fell into the water," Heero said. "I followed, but... all his power out, and he sank like a stone, I couldn't follow... and oh, God... I never told him that I loved him..."

Duo thought then that he might cry. But he didn't merely sat there and shook, and reached for the alcohol that would dull the pain, shut it away behind a wall of

Re: All of my GW fic. EVER.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

numbness instead.

"It's been a year, Heero," he said finally. "You've got to get on with it. You've got to move on with your life."

Heero laughed. It had a hysterical tinge. "What, like you did?" he said, looking up to stare at Duo with accusation. "You sure seemed to get over him fast enough. How long'd it take, Duo? How long before you got in bed with someone else instead of him?"

Duo didn't have any conscious memory of punching Heero, but the next moment he remembered, Heero was sprawled on the floor beside the chair and his clenched fist was aching. He shook it out; Heero's head was as hard as ever. "I loved him, you fucking prick," he said, his voice shaking. "I loved him and he made his own damn choices and I respected that. I grieved for him, and I'll probably go on doing that until the day I die. But I've already lost one man who was closer than a brother to me, and I'm damned if I'm just gonna sit back and do nothing while another one martyrs himself for his own sense of stupid guilt."

Heero looked up at him, slowly, eyes glazed over.

“If you loved him at all, you wouldn’t want me to be anything but dead. I know I don’t.”

"Asshole!" He leaned down and grabbed the front of Heero's shirt, hauling him up and cocking his fist back for another punch. "Yes, I loved him! But you were my best friend, Heero, and you still fucking are, at least if you'd pull yourself out of this wallow of self-pity."

Heero mumbled something, and Duo grabbed his shirt in both hands to shake him. "What was that?"

"I'm not your best friend," Heero said more clearly, through split lip and jaw that was already beginning to swell. "Can't be. You were with Wufei and I was jealous."

"That doesn't mean you're not --" Duo started, but Heero interrupted.

"You don't understand," he said. "I wasn't jealous of you. I was jealous of Wufei, because he had you. And then... when I was jealous... I realized that I couldn't be your best friend, because I loved you too."

"What?" Duo blinked, momentarily stalled. Heero turned his head to the side, training his eyes on the bottles littering the floor.

"I didn't know how not to," he mumbled. "When you were so strong. And so beautiful together. And both of you always knew who you were and what you wanted to fight for, and I didn't have a clue. You piloted like a god, Duo. And you cared. You really cared. I didn't know how to stop from loving you, but you had something beautiful and I didn't want to spoil it."

Re: All of my GW fic. EVER.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes, expression full of misery. "But I did. I broke it after all. Why, I don't know, it doesn't make sense, but I was jealous and I ruined everything. I loved Wufei and I killed him, and I loved you and I killed your lover, and now he's dead and you'll hate me forever and I -- and I --"

Duo's hands opened, and Heero fell back onto the hard floor. He opened his eyes, vision dizzy and swimming, to see Duo's stunned face looming over him. "I don't deserve anything better," he whispered. "Because I -- I'm not sorry. That I killed him. For what he did -- for what he tried to do -- I can't forgive him."

"Hell." Duo sat back on his heels, expression tight with some strongly suppressed emotion. "Damn it, Heero."

"No forgiveness," Heero whispered, eyes open barely a slit. "I don't deserve it."

"Heero. It's been a year," Duo began, crouching down close to Heero. "You have to forgive him, Heero. You have to."

"I can't." The words seemed almost torn from his throat, and Heero shut his eyes tightly, trembling with the effort not to look at Duo. "I can't."

There was a moment of silence, and he felt movement above him. Duo raised his hands to do -- something -- and then his hands were on Heero's shoulders, lifting him up, cradling him in his arms as something went around his neck. Heero's eyes flew open as something small landed against his chest, and he stared at Duo in bewilderment -- Duo, whose hands were on his shoulder forcing him to look him in the eye.

"Try," Duo told him. "Because it's been a year. It's Christmas again. It's time to forgive."

"But I can't --" Heero whimpered, and Duo shushed him, putting a finger against his lips. That silencing gesture left him mute, and the hand dropped down to his chest, to lift the small thing into his line of vision. It was Duo's cross, the one that had followed him through the war, into peace.

"I would have gone with Wufei," Duo told him, "if I still believed only in the God of Death. But I'm not that way any more. I believe in second chances, Heero. Because Jesus didn't just die for the innocents -- he lived and died so that we could be human, so that we could make mistakes and still forgive and be forgiven."

Heero could only stare at Duo helplessly. This was something he didn't know, didn't understand. But Duo --

"Try, Heero. Just for today. Because it's Christmas. Because if there's ever going to be a time when we can be forgiven for our sins -- you and I -- it's got to be today."

"I --" There was a hot, painful prickling in Heero's eyes, and he couldn't speak any

Re: All of my GW fic. EVER.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

more. He closed his eyes and let go, and fell, and Duo caught him, and he cried against Duo's shoulder with the cold piece of metal pressing between their chests, and it felt like something. Maybe it was like forgiveness. Maybe it was like a second chance.

Outside, the snow kept falling.



~owari~

Re: All of my GW fic. EVER.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes, expression full of misery. "But I did. I broke it after all. Why, I don't know, it doesn't make sense, but I was jealous and I ruined everything. I loved Wufei and I killed him, and I loved you and I killed your lover, and now he's dead and you'll hate me forever and I -- and I --"

Duo's hands opened, and Heero fell back onto the hard floor. He opened his eyes, vision dizzy and swimming, to see Duo's stunned face looming over him. "I don't deserve anything better," he whispered. "Because I -- I'm not sorry. That I killed him. For what he did -- for what he tried to do -- I can't forgive him."

"Hell." Duo sat back on his heels, expression tight with some strongly suppressed emotion. "Damn it, Heero."

"No forgiveness," Heero whispered, eyes open barely a slit. "I don't deserve it."

"Heero. It's been a year," Duo began, crouching down close to Heero. "You have to forgive him, Heero. You have to."

"I can't." The words seemed almost torn from his throat, and Heero shut his eyes tightly, trembling with the effort not to look at Duo. "I can't."

There was a moment of silence, and he felt movement above him. Duo raised his hands to do -- something -- and then his hands were on Heero's shoulders, lifting him up, cradling him in his arms as something went around his neck. Heero's eyes flew open as something small landed against his chest, and he stared at Duo in bewilderment -- Duo, whose hands were on his shoulder forcing him to look him in the eye.

"Try," Duo told him. "Because it's been a year. It's Christmas again. It's time to forgive."

"But I can't --" Heero whimpered, and Duo shushed him, putting a finger against his lips. That silencing gesture left him mute, and the hand dropped down to his chest, to lift the small thing into his line of vision. It was Duo's cross, the one that had followed him through the war, into peace.

"I would have gone with Wufei," Duo told him, "if I still believed only in the God of Death. But I'm not that way any more. I believe in second chances, Heero. Because Jesus didn't just die for the innocents -- he lived and died so that we could be human, so that we could make mistakes and still forgive and be forgiven."

Heero could only stare at Duo helplessly. This was something he didn't know, didn't understand. But Duo --

"Try, Heero. Just for today. Because it's Christmas. Because if there's ever going to be a time when we can be forgiven for our sins -- you and I -- it's got to be today."

"I --" There was a hot, painful prickling in Heero's eyes, and he couldn't speak any