[FYI] I'll show you a degenerate!

[windandwater]

Seeing as how doubts of my wholesome goodness have abounded, I've given up. Here, have a lot of perverted, non-worksafe things. Because this is what I actually find when I'm mindlessly surfing the internet instead of studying.

And to be kind, I'll even put it in the order of least disturbingly perverted to MOST disturbingly perverted. Of course, this is MY rating system, so you are warned. :P

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First, courtesy of dragynville, we have a manga about talking penii.

Yes, you read that right.

TALKING. PENII.

Anyway, this is linked first because the manga is rather funny and cute (and omgwrong), and only disturbing if you don't have a good sense of humor, don't like talking penii, or are a stick in the mud. One of the boys is sorta shouta-looking (even though he's supposedly the same age as the other boys), but it's me, and I like that sort of thing.

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Second, courtesy of askerian, is another fic set in the same universe as the fic she wrote me for my birthday.

This means it's NaruSasu in a BIG way, and full of crossdressing, voyeurism/exhibitionism, dominance/submission issues, and an extremely FuckedUp!Sasuke. But we get "Saki-chan" in return, stockings and bitch boots and all, and so I think that's a fair trade.

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Third, we have Advanced Masturbation.com

This site totes itself as a guide to "advanced male masturbation techniques," and, directly from the front page: We realize the boundary line between academia and porn is questionable when it comes to this topic, but we are trying our best to provide a resource that has a primary focus of instruction. We feel that masturbating is a basic sexual instinct that should not be taboo when it comes to instructions about variations of how to do it.

Best reasons to visit this site? It might help to steam up your smut scenes if you're a writer. Also, there's "Difficulty Levels" of the techniques (I am astounded by the 'Takes Practice' level), which makes me think that male masturbation may be akin to an RPG game... or Final Fantasy or something.

Okay, lies. The best reason to go is that there's ANIMATED .GIFS of the techniques! WHOO! And some still pictures of ejaculation for reference. *giggles like mad*

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So, what follows talking penii, crossdressing smuttage, and a guide to jerking off?

Why, the contents of President Bush's iPod, of course!

Now this is seriously scary. The London Time writer quoted in the article sums it up best by saying: No black artists, no gay artists, no world music, only one woman, no genre less than 25 years old, and no Beatles.

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Now, at the end of all things, what is left?

Real Doll.

Yeah. merith was wondering about what I considered disturbing, and I think this just might be it. I'm not squicked, because the premise of Real Doll is... well, it's kinda funny. And it's definitely an expensive step up from blowup dolls. But then, I think about it, and I get very not-so-good thoughts.

I mean, seriously, who buys this sort of thing? Besides Howard Stern, of course (he's featured on the letters page and apparently did a show about Real Doll). I looked at the Dolls they had up and one of them is this pink-haired female with a wide, rather vapid expression and boobs the size of small cars. I saw that and thought: Jesus, some fanboy stopped going to cons for a year and saved up. And I saw the doll named "Kaori" and, well, I thought she was a real girl from the first picture!

Realism is good, especially in a product like this. Then again... why exactly are you making them so real? I don't want to go into the psychology of it.

... I just think their Male Dolls should be better looking.

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*bows*

Comments

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

You know what I sincerely wish I could do? Hack into President Bush's iPod and upload the song "Tuesday Morning" by Melissa Etheridge.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

THAT IS AN UN-AMERICAN RESPONSE.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

..."Megalomaniac?"

This could be a meme. XD What song would YOU upload onto President Bush's iPod?

[windsorblue.livejournal.com]

O.o;; I'm going to be scanning mine all day to come up with an appropriate response to this.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

I don't have an iPod, but I have enough mp3s to make this interesting. Maybe the Top Five? X3

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

I dare you to do it. I'd help you spread the meme.

[chibi-faolan.livejournal.com]

I think that's a meme I'd love to spread... give the shrub some Elton John. I'm thinking maybe "Burn Down the Mission"... though of course Sublime should be represented, and I'd love to see his expression the moment he hears "40 oz to Freedom" or "Secret Tweaker Pad". ^^

[dragynville.livejournal.com]

*whee* I made the disturbed perv list! Go me! :D

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

You were the first, and least-shocking on the list, but yes. ^__^ *hands you a ribbon*

[merith.livejournal.com]

Can someone say - Cherry 2000? *smile*

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

OMG I didn't even THINK of that until you mentioned it! That was such a HORRIBLE movie, too.

[chibi-faolan.livejournal.com]

The best reason to go is that there's ANIMATED .GIFS of the techniques! WHOO! And some still pictures of ejaculation for reference.

I... um... wait, you writers need a website for reference? *headdesk* Don't mind me.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Of course we do. Do you think we just come up with this stuff off the cuff? We also attend PANELS at cons. It's very academic.

[chibi-faolan.livejournal.com]

No, I mean, um... cos...

*looks around*

Hm. On second thought, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut. *nods*

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... some writers also have real life experience. Is that what you wanted to say?

[chibi-faolan.livejournal.com]

XD Just wondering!