Coming Full Circle
May. 29th, 2001 09:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windandwaterMakoto looked up from his sketchpad when he heard the door to his apartment rattle. There was a curse and then the sound of a key fumbling in the lock. Just as he was about to stand up and open the door himself, Shinji burst through the door looking quite upset and generally worse-for-wear.
"Shinji?" Makoto prodded gently. "Did something...?"
"No." Shinji slammed his bag onto the table and wearily toed of his shoes. He trudged into the apartment and threw himself onto the small sofa. Makoto realized his lover's bad mood and went to him, standing behind Shinji and rubbing those tense shoulders.
"Then why..."
Shinji cut him off again. Makoto didn't mind. He knew Shinji was tempremental and prone to impatience. Besides, they knew each other well enough to know what they other was about to say.
"NOTHING happened. That's what's wrong, Mako! Hoshino... she... she just LIES there! She just fucking lies there in that white room and she won't wake up!" Shinji pushed himself off the couch in an angry burst, pacing across the room to the window and staring morsoely out of it.
Makoto's heart wrenched in his chest. His hands, suddenly empty, dropped limply to his sides. Hoshino. He should have known that the only thing that could get Shinji riled up like this. It had been two months since Hoshino had been hit by that car that had come speeding out of nowhere, and she had been in a coma ever since. While Hoshino didn't get any worse, she didn't get better either.
He loved Hoshino. Really he did. She was one of his best friends. Almost like a sister to him. She didn't even push him away like most of his "friends" did when they learned of his... preferences. He'd been to that damnable hospital room, seen the tubes and machines that kept the black-haired girl alive. It made him feel ill.
But he loved Shinji too. Hell, the two boys were already sleeping together. Makoto was not a stupid man. He'd gone into this relationship... actively pursued the other boy... he'd done everything with his eyes wide open.
Hoshino was Shinji's first love. They had been best friends practically since birth, and even Makoto could easily admit that Hoshino was a girl anyone would be attracted to. And, from what he knew until the accident, Hoshino wasn't as immune to Shinji's charms as she appeared to be.
Makoto wondered what would happen if Hoshino never woke up. If she just lingered in that quiet white room... would he ever be able to feel right again? Knowing she would never be there, talking with him again?
And Makoto wondered what would happen if Hoshino *did* wake up. Would Shinji still be happy with him, or would the brown-haired boy drop him and run after Hoshino again? Would Makoto be able to survive that?
And, a dark corner of his mind wondered what would happen if Hoshino died. Shinji would be all his, but it would be a terrible price to pay. Makoto felt himself pale and turned his back to Shinji staring out the window. My god, Makoto, he said to himself. You just wished for your best friend's DEATH just for your own selfish wishes! What kind of person are you?
Makoto glanced over his shoulder at Shinji's brooding form, illuminated by the light from the setting son. He sighed and started to make dinner.
What kind of person am I?
I'm a man in love.
"Shinji?" Makoto prodded gently. "Did something...?"
"No." Shinji slammed his bag onto the table and wearily toed of his shoes. He trudged into the apartment and threw himself onto the small sofa. Makoto realized his lover's bad mood and went to him, standing behind Shinji and rubbing those tense shoulders.
"Then why..."
Shinji cut him off again. Makoto didn't mind. He knew Shinji was tempremental and prone to impatience. Besides, they knew each other well enough to know what they other was about to say.
"NOTHING happened. That's what's wrong, Mako! Hoshino... she... she just LIES there! She just fucking lies there in that white room and she won't wake up!" Shinji pushed himself off the couch in an angry burst, pacing across the room to the window and staring morsoely out of it.
Makoto's heart wrenched in his chest. His hands, suddenly empty, dropped limply to his sides. Hoshino. He should have known that the only thing that could get Shinji riled up like this. It had been two months since Hoshino had been hit by that car that had come speeding out of nowhere, and she had been in a coma ever since. While Hoshino didn't get any worse, she didn't get better either.
He loved Hoshino. Really he did. She was one of his best friends. Almost like a sister to him. She didn't even push him away like most of his "friends" did when they learned of his... preferences. He'd been to that damnable hospital room, seen the tubes and machines that kept the black-haired girl alive. It made him feel ill.
But he loved Shinji too. Hell, the two boys were already sleeping together. Makoto was not a stupid man. He'd gone into this relationship... actively pursued the other boy... he'd done everything with his eyes wide open.
Hoshino was Shinji's first love. They had been best friends practically since birth, and even Makoto could easily admit that Hoshino was a girl anyone would be attracted to. And, from what he knew until the accident, Hoshino wasn't as immune to Shinji's charms as she appeared to be.
Makoto wondered what would happen if Hoshino never woke up. If she just lingered in that quiet white room... would he ever be able to feel right again? Knowing she would never be there, talking with him again?
And Makoto wondered what would happen if Hoshino *did* wake up. Would Shinji still be happy with him, or would the brown-haired boy drop him and run after Hoshino again? Would Makoto be able to survive that?
And, a dark corner of his mind wondered what would happen if Hoshino died. Shinji would be all his, but it would be a terrible price to pay. Makoto felt himself pale and turned his back to Shinji staring out the window. My god, Makoto, he said to himself. You just wished for your best friend's DEATH just for your own selfish wishes! What kind of person are you?
Makoto glanced over his shoulder at Shinji's brooding form, illuminated by the light from the setting son. He sighed and started to make dinner.
What kind of person am I?
I'm a man in love.