*wince*

[windandwater]

I just read a very badly written lemon.

>_<

That's it, even Contract law is better than this drivel. At least COntracts doesn't make me want to stab my eyes out.

... dammit, I forgot to replace the highlighters I killed.

Comments

[catzero.livejournal.com]

I just read a very badly written lemon.

I ran into one of thoes one time it really made me wonder how that person even made it out of grade school. Ppl need to learn to get a) a kick as beta or b) buddy commentary befor posting Lemons. That's why I post on LJ to get comments on my work so that I'll klnow if it's good enough to have it posted on a site.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

I know. Some people should just Not Write Citrus. Especially if they don't know what lube is. ESPECIALLY if they think you can just have anal sex with hardly any prep at all.

>_O*

Ouch.

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

I take it this is YGO fanfic? ^^;

P.S. come on YM!

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Of course it is. I keep hurting myself.

[kwycksylver.livejournal.com]

Males and females can have anal sex without lube and without prep of any kind. Some people actually like it that way - I think that's a little weird and masochistic, but it is a reality.

I know sites like Minotaur's highly recommend the use of lube, both in RL and in fiction, but that recommendation is most likely coming from their own personal preference.

And speaking of lube: you know how some people write their characters using a lotion as lube? In RL that is not a good idea. The majority of lotions contain alcohol, it's what makes them absorb quickly. Alcohol on tender epithelial tissue such as the groin area, nose and mouth burns like hell and irritates the tissue.

FYI, in case you didn't know, lips and nipples are also epithelial tissue.

Now that I've told you more than you ever wanted to know . . .

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Ooh, good to know.

Also: butter does not make good lube. O.O

Re:

[kwycksylver.livejournal.com]

It's hard to figure out just what would be good to use when there's no lube. We can't really expect the guys to always have a tube or bottle handy.

Although, good soldiers, like good boy scouts, should always be prepared. ~_^

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That's true. Though, I have to wonder... if they have guns and things, shouldn't they at least have Vaseline handy? I know I had to keep Vaseline on me when I was in band, for my flute. It made assembling the pieces easier. I think it's much the same with guns, but I'm not sure.

Re:

[kwycksylver.livejournal.com]

Guns have an oil that's used. Vaseline would pick up too much dust.

It's not as good as lube but vaseline could be used and it's a lot better than using lotion.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... that was a funny fic.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

I know that some people prefer it that way, but what made me cringe the most was the fact that I don't think blood is an acceptable substitute for lube. Also... the whole scene was badly written, with terrible grammar and spelling. I think that's what pissed me off the most. I'll read a bad sex scene, as long as it doesn't look like it's written by a five-year-old.

Re:

[catzero.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is bad! There are some fics that do have hardly any prep but at least they had consequences for the chara's actions.

Speacking of spell check here's one person that forgot to run that while posting ^^; I'm such a hippacrit.

[skyblueandblack.livejournal.com]

Hey, I've read seen fics where the use of spell check alone would have been an amazing improvement. I would hope that people posting fics can at least run that... and maybe re-read their own fic to find "there, their, and they're" or "to, too, and two" errors.

... Not that a great majority of people seem to know the difference!

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

And it's a pity they don't. Damn my command of the English language. Damn it.

Re:

[skyblueandblack.livejournal.com]

I hope they have private hells where they suddenly have great English but are forced to read their own pathetic drivel for eternity; where everyone who addresses them will be all-but-illiterate fangirls who can't think of any other adjective but "kewl"... and they will never escape. XD

[lark57.livejournal.com]

those sort of horrible experiences tend to happen. people should realize it and put a warning in the summary or something.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Well, I knew there would be lemon. I just didn't know that it would be horribly written. The rest of the fic was semi-passable until the point where they dropped their pants.

>_<;

Re:

[lark57.livejournal.com]

no, not the lemon thing, I was saying that people should realize that the fic is bad and label it or something. although that would defeat the purpose of marketing i imagine.

the fic was semi-passable until the point where they dropped their pants

but after foreplay it's all a walk in the park isn't it? not that I write lemons, haven't gotten that far. but there does seem to be a certain equation that's pretty easy to follow.

[kwycksylver.livejournal.com]

That's not as easy as it seems. The trick is trying to find a way to make the lemon in your fic not seem like anyone else's.

And if you're doing yaoi lemon, penetration is not the end all and be all for RL m/m intercourse so you can be diverse.

Re:

[lark57.livejournal.com]

ah right, originality does tend to screw people over.

Re:

[kwycksylver.livejournal.com]

In more ways than one, heheh.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

I actually like fics that have more than the regular: "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" (or sir for our purposes). Fics that have alternate methods of sex, i.e. handjobs, blowjobs, etc. seem to be hard to find. Or if these things are there, it's followed by penetration.

I want a good 69 fic, dammit!

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

There's an equation, yes... but the thing I try to do is make my fic different... or at least, memorable. I guess this is why I don't write very many lemons. It's rather dull to read the same sex scene over and over again.

Re:

[lark57.livejournal.com]

yeah, i would think that if you didn't write many lemons and "starved" your audience for them, they would appriciate it more when you actually did take the time to write one. Plus if it's there all the time people can become numb to the whole thing which would suck. so far i think the most original lemon i've read was by Lorena in Chairscuro at the end cause she mixed in poetry and had made everyone wait so long.