*giggles inappropriately*

[windandwater]

COMES NOW, plaintiff, Sauron, to file this original Complaint, and would show this honorable court the following:

1. Plaintiff and party of the first part, Sauron ("Sauron") is a(n) (un)natural person, and resident and domiciliary of Mordor.

2. Defendant and party of the second part, Frodo Baggins ("Frodo") is a natural person and resident of Hobbiton. Co-Defendant and party of the third part Samwise Gamgee ("Sam") is likewise same.

3. All parties being properly diverse, jurisdiction is proper pursuant to 28 M.E.C. 1332. Damages far exceed the minimum jurisdiction of the court.

4. Defendant has converted and trespassed against the chattel and personalty of the plaintiff, namely, the One Ring ("Ring") and is liable to plaintiff for same.

5. Plaintiff would further show on or about the final day of the Third Age, defendants did intentionally cause the destruction of Ring while plaintiff was engaged in defending his business from hostile takeover. In the alternative, plaintiff pleads that the actions of the defendants toward ring amount to recklessness, gross negligence, and negligence.

6. As a direct result of destruction of Ring, plaintiff has suffered actual damages in the form of irreparable harm to his business and personal reputation, as well as direct and indirect loss of income. Plaintiff has further suffered from mental anguish, humiliation, and loss of consortium.

7. Insofar as actions of defendants were intentional, plaintiff further requests punitive damages in the amount of treble his actual damages.

WHEREFORE, PLAINTIFF, SAURON, PRAYS FOR: all reasonable damages above named; FURTHER, plaintiff prays for all additional relief in law or equity deemed necessary and proper by this honorable court.

Respectfully submitted,
Mouth of Sauron
Attorney for Plaintiff
Middle Earth Bar No. 734925639

In the alternative, this is also good:

The King James Version
1 And the Five went unto Rivendell, which is called Imladris by the Elves.
2 And with Frodo were Meriadoc, and Peregrin, and Aragorn son of Arathorn, and the Gardener Whom Frodo Loved.
3 And they went unto the House of Elrond. And Elrond summoned a great council, and summoned elves from Mirkwood, which was Greenwood before the reign of Thranduil. And also men from Gondor, and from Dale, and Dwarves from Erebor unto the Lonely Mountain.
4 And Elrond spoke, saying, what shall we do with this Ring?
5 And Gandalf spoke, telling all of Gollum, and of Saruman, and the origin of the ring; and they slept. And they said, Gandalf, shut up.
6 And Gimli sayeth, shall we not leave the ring with the Elves? And Elrond grew wroth and rent his garment.
7 For Gandalf spoke, saying, verily verily I say unto you, the ring must be destroyed.
8 And Frodo at last spoke, saying, I shall take the ring, though I do not know the way. And they were glad.

-- The Gospel According to Frodo

I copied these from here: If LotR had been written by someone else!?

There's some great stuff in here. XD!

Comments

[samikitty.livejournal.com]

"while plaintiff was engaged in defending his business from hostile takeover"

amuses me in inappropriate ways as well. ^O^

[pinkspider.livejournal.com]

That's adorable.

The King James version would be "spake" though. ~.^

And your giggles are perfectly appropriate.