windandwater | just some random late night bunny (Reply)

He won't tell anyone, but he feels better at night. When things are dark and deep and still, when only the only light comes from the moon reflecting off waves and the shimmer of stars and worlds poured over an indigo sky, that's when he feels most alive. Maybe it's because he's so attuned to the Dark -- he is Dark -- or maybe it's because his first calm thoughts happened in the deep shadows, whatever it is, it makes him feel better. It feels like he belongs and he's whole and he's alive and it's dark.

Destiny Islands is sunshine bright, light pouring everywhere from the sun above, the waves below, even from the people. It hurts sometimes. Not alot, or else he wouldn't be able to function, but enough to give him a prickly feeling. Like things aren't right, or he's not right, and the light is just a constant reminder that he's not supposed to be there. The Light rejects him, but it's okay because he rejects it back, and he can wear sunscreen if he needs to.

What he hadn't expected was the unease he felt around them, too. It should have been obvious, because they were Light, or close enough to Light to make a difference. They've chosen Light, and he won't... he can't. If he did, it would probably unmake him. He's Dark and they're Light, but you really couldn't have one without the other. But that little feeling, that itch, that push away presses against him all the time. Even with his Real Thing, who was once darker than the deepest Dark, is more Light now. It hurts. He closes his eyes, presses his nose to his Real Thing's hair, and tries to scent the Dark that still lingers around him. He can smell it, faintly, but only sometimes. Only on those days when Riku's had a bad day or decided to brood about the past, and the smell of Dark wafts from him like the finest perfume, or a homecooked delicious meal, and he's drawn to it. But then hugs make his Real Thing feel better, and the scent disappears, and the itchy pushing feeling returns.

Namine is Light now, even though she was born of Dark. Sometimes it hurts him when he touches her, because the Light rejects him, but he pushes himself and touches her anyway, because the pain of not touching her is infinitely worse. He always has to start slowly, curling his fingers through her hair, daring to stroke his hand against her shoulder; brief little touches that sting and burn and get worse, but he's used to pain, and once it hurts bad enough, he can block the pain out and kiss her. He'd suffer through anything for the sweetness of Namine's kisses.

But then the sun sets, and the shadows creep in, and he can feel the invisible press on him lessen. He feels like he can fly. On some days, he has to be alone, has to tuck himself in the darkest corner he can find, hands over his eyes and just feel the Dark. It heals him, soothes him, makes everything better. He can relive his Memories in the Dark, and so he can have the sweetness without the pain, and it's good. He can live this way. He has to. He has to be strong.

And then he can venture into the night, maybe creep in through Namine's bedroom window and surprise her and see how loud he can make her scream before Axel starts pounding on the wall, cursing at them to keep it down. He's more playful at night, in Namine's bed. The darkness helps and he can take his time and savor every slow, sweet stroke and every shuddered moan. And then he can curl up with her, holding her close, and stare out into the comforting shadows before he falls asleep. His Heart always feels strong and whole, full to bursting. The Dark and Namine tucked against his chest... it's all he needs to have peaceful dreams.

Or maybe he'll appear in his Real Thing's room, and they'll throw taunts back and forth and squabble. But then they always curl up together on Riku's bed, fighting over the covers and yanking at the pillow, kicking and punching until they fall asleep in an exhausted tangle. Maybe they'll kiss and maybe they won't. Maybe Real Thing will want to get physical and maybe he'll just blush and roll over in a huff. It doesn't matter, because as night takes full hold, the scent of Dark strengthens around Riku and he presses in close and breathes. And the thoughts of pinning his Real Thing to the bed with Soul Eater fly from his mind and he relaxes and sleeps. The Night and Real Thing's arm around him... it's all he needs to keep the nightmares away.