“I’m alive,” Heero said breathlessly, and hugged him fiercely. He wanted to say something to Duo, to tell him how very much he loved him. He wanted to tell him how thoughts of Duo were the only things that had kept him going, kept him sane during the moments of chaos when everything around him was blood and fire. Or the nights spent on the torturous journey back, waiting for the next attack to come from the dark under the trees... all the words clogged up in his mouth and he found he couldn’t say anything at all. All he could do was clutch Duo to him.
Duo kissed Heero frantically, pulling him close, his hands and arms in constant motion as he tried to feel as much of Heero as he could. He couldn’t get enough, he needed more... more touch, more closeness, more reassurance. For a few hours, a few terrible hours, he had thought Heero was dead; the aching void that had overtaken him then was still there, at the edges of his consciousness. He ran his hands up Heero’s back, pushing up underneath his shirt to touch the skin. It wasn’t enough, and he moaned helplessly into Heero’s mouth; he needed to feel...
Heero sensed the urgency in Duo’s attitude, maybe even better than Duo himself did, and though it physically hurt to do so, he pushed Duo away. Duo whimpered with the loss of contact, but Heero silenced him with a gentle caress to his face. “Not here, love,” he whispered. “It’s too open here. Too exposed. I need to be someplace where nobody’s watching me, nobody’s looking at me... except you...”
Duo’s expression cleared, and he smiled the most beautiful smile Heero had ever seen. He had always loved Duo’s smile, from the first time he had been privileged with it, and every day there was more joy, more life to it. “Hurry, please...” he breathed into Heero’s ear. “I need to be near you...”
They had to help each other stand; neither one was completely steady on their feet. All the way to their tent Duo kept as close to Heero as he could, and still keep moving -- he thought it would drive him insane, to be so close to Heero and have to wait, when all he wanted to do was wrap himself around Heero and never let go. Heero, himself, gripped Duo’s arm tightly until he realized that he was leaving bruises, at which point he forced himself to loosen his hold.
They passed others on the way, of course, but most of the men didn’t even look up, too exhausted to focus on anything other than their own aches. The few who did see them quickly averted their eyes, allowing their commander as much privacy as could be done. Those who had been soldiers for a long time knew, more than anything else, the need to touch another human being, just once, without violence. Sneering aristocratic sensibilities, the pious mouthings of priests -- they all melted away in the face of this life of constant violence, in the need to be close to someone.
Re: Spoil of War, book 2
Date: 2006-02-28 01:44 am (UTC)“I’m alive,” Heero said breathlessly, and hugged him fiercely. He wanted to say something to Duo, to tell him how very much he loved him. He wanted to tell him how thoughts of Duo were the only things that had kept him going, kept him sane during the moments of chaos when everything around him was blood and fire. Or the nights spent on the torturous journey back, waiting for the next attack to come from the dark under the trees... all the words clogged up in his mouth and he found he couldn’t say anything at all. All he could do was clutch Duo to him.
Duo kissed Heero frantically, pulling him close, his hands and arms in constant motion as he tried to feel as much of Heero as he could. He couldn’t get enough, he needed more... more touch, more closeness, more reassurance. For a few hours, a few terrible hours, he had thought Heero was dead; the aching void that had overtaken him then was still there, at the edges of his consciousness. He ran his hands up Heero’s back, pushing up underneath his shirt to touch the skin. It wasn’t enough, and he moaned helplessly into Heero’s mouth; he needed to feel...
Heero sensed the urgency in Duo’s attitude, maybe even better than Duo himself did, and though it physically hurt to do so, he pushed Duo away. Duo whimpered with the loss of contact, but Heero silenced him with a gentle caress to his face. “Not here, love,” he whispered. “It’s too open here. Too exposed. I need to be someplace where nobody’s watching me, nobody’s looking at me... except you...”
Duo’s expression cleared, and he smiled the most beautiful smile Heero had ever seen. He had always loved Duo’s smile, from the first time he had been privileged with it, and every day there was more joy, more life to it. “Hurry, please...” he breathed into Heero’s ear. “I need to be near you...”
They had to help each other stand; neither one was completely steady on their feet. All the way to their tent Duo kept as close to Heero as he could, and still keep moving -- he thought it would drive him insane, to be so close to Heero and have to wait, when all he wanted to do was wrap himself around Heero and never let go. Heero, himself, gripped Duo’s arm tightly until he realized that he was leaving bruises, at which point he forced himself to loosen his hold.
They passed others on the way, of course, but most of the men didn’t even look up, too exhausted to focus on anything other than their own aches. The few who did see them quickly averted their eyes, allowing their commander as much privacy as could be done. Those who had been soldiers for a long time knew, more than anything else, the need to touch another human being, just once, without violence. Sneering aristocratic sensibilities, the pious mouthings of priests -- they all melted away in the face of this life of constant violence, in the need to be close to someone.
Someone. Anyone.