"That's all right, Little One." He didn't press the issue further, instead giving my shoulder a reassuring pat. "I'm just glad that you're safe, that you didn't..."
That I didn't end up like Duo, right. A deep rent was cut in my soul just when I read the autopsy report, just imagining the things that Trowa had seen with his own eyes. How it must be hurting him now, to wait all unknowing if he was about to see another friend's body...
I seized upon the thought and rejected it. The past few days had been one shock after another, battering at my self-control and weakening my resolve; I had to stay focused! Duo was alive; my heart knew it, even if the evidence tried to convince my mind otherwise. So many things had happened while I was gone, but I hadn't lost any friends, not yet...
Something abruptly surfaced in my memory, and I clutched at Trowa's arm. "Trowa," I said sharply, bringing his focus back to me. "Trowa, did you know that Heero tried to kill himself?"
"What?" Shock was plainly written across his face. "When?"
"I don't know. I was talking to him about the shuttle just this afternoon and I saw the bandage on his wrist. What else could it have been?"
Trowa's eyes narrowed in thought. "I... Somehow, that surprises me more than it should. Heero's tried to self-destruct before, after all... but for some reason I just can't imagine him doing it now. Heero's perfectly well aware of how important he is to the war; he doesn't think of himself as expendable any more, at any rate..."
"Even after what happened with Duo --" I broke off as a chilling thought occurred to me. Given how deeply Duo's loss had affected Heero, the thought of him turning suicidal was believable. But the same implacable sense of duty that had driven Heero to self-detonate before would not allow him to destroy himself now, not while the Colonial Rebels needed him. And yet, there was a difference between killing yourself, and allowing someone else to do the job for you --
It was almost enough to drive me to reach out to Heero again with my Spaceheart, sanity notwithstanding.
When I spoke again, my voice was too carefully even. "I think we'd better go talk to that assassin, Trowa," I said. "I'm almost positive there was a second man..."
"I'll go. You stay and..." Trowa began, but I interrupted him.
"I know you're worried, love, but you can't read his mind," I pointed out as I attempted to stand. I made it on the second try, steadying myself against Trowa as he rose with me.
Re: Torn 4
Date: 2006-02-21 11:12 am (UTC)"That's all right, Little One." He didn't press the issue further, instead giving my shoulder a reassuring pat. "I'm just glad that you're safe, that you didn't..."
That I didn't end up like Duo, right. A deep rent was cut in my soul just when I read the autopsy report, just imagining the things that Trowa had seen with his own eyes. How it must be hurting him now, to wait all unknowing if he was about to see another friend's body...
I seized upon the thought and rejected it. The past few days had been one shock after another, battering at my self-control and weakening my resolve; I had to stay focused! Duo was alive; my heart knew it, even if the evidence tried to convince my mind otherwise. So many things had happened while I was gone, but I hadn't lost any friends, not yet...
Something abruptly surfaced in my memory, and I clutched at Trowa's arm. "Trowa," I said sharply, bringing his focus back to me. "Trowa, did you know that Heero tried to kill himself?"
"What?" Shock was plainly written across his face. "When?"
"I don't know. I was talking to him about the shuttle just this afternoon and I saw the bandage on his wrist. What else could it have been?"
Trowa's eyes narrowed in thought. "I... Somehow, that surprises me more than it should. Heero's tried to self-destruct before, after all... but for some reason I just can't imagine him doing it now. Heero's perfectly well aware of how important he is to the war; he doesn't think of himself as expendable any more, at any rate..."
"Even after what happened with Duo --" I broke off as a chilling thought occurred to me. Given how deeply Duo's loss had affected Heero, the thought of him turning suicidal was believable. But the same implacable sense of duty that had driven Heero to self-detonate before would not allow him to destroy himself now, not while the Colonial Rebels needed him. And yet, there was a difference between killing yourself, and allowing someone else to do the job for you --
It was almost enough to drive me to reach out to Heero again with my Spaceheart, sanity notwithstanding.
When I spoke again, my voice was too carefully even. "I think we'd better go talk to that assassin, Trowa," I said. "I'm almost positive there was a second man..."
"I'll go. You stay and..." Trowa began, but I interrupted him.
"I know you're worried, love, but you can't read his mind," I pointed out as I attempted to stand. I made it on the second try, steadying myself against Trowa as he rose with me.