apologize. But he knew with equal certainty that mere words could not repair the trust he had inadvertently broken. That Duo would run, then, and never come back to him, never let him prove with words and actions that he really did love him. He wanted to turn over, to reach out and touch Duo, to kiss him and pretend that the last half hour had never happened. But he had no illusions as to how Duo would react. Why? Why did he react this way? No doubt he had his own reasons -- but what they were, Heero didn't know. He had drawn, from his observations of Duo (and he was quite good at observing Duo) certain patterns of behavior. Although Duo's bravery on the battlefield could not be questioned, he had a distinct tendency to run away from emotional confrontation. He also, Heero knew, tried to avoid attachments in any form -- aside from Deathscythe, he never owned any personal possessions, and though he was friendly to all, he was open to very few. Finally -- and this was a pattern Heero had seen more and more when he knew what to look for -- he avoided mention of love, in any context. Based on these past behaviors, Heero had predicted that if confronted with a declaration of feelings from himself, Duo would try and run away. And so, he had taken steps to ensure that could not happen. But... he hadn't expected anything like this, this sudden, irrational anger. Accusations. Hurt. Betrayal. Heero squeezed his eyes closed and curled up slightly, fists clenched in front of his chest. Carefully, he controlled his breathing. He feared that he might have made a terrible mistake, one that would ruin any chance not only of Duo loving him, but of them even working together in the future. After all, if Duo could not trust him -- He stopped his self-destructive train of thought. Trust. There was something about that that was important. Duo had accused him of betraying his trust. But, Heero realized as he felt a fierce stab of resentment, he didn't think that he had done so. As he and Duo had grown steadily closer, the plain and practical trust they had begun with had evolved into something deeper, something more. His own sharp words of earlier came back to him. They trusted each other... not only to protect them from external threats, but internal ones as well. In this world, in this war, that was even more important; both of them were fierce, capable fighters, and they could defend themselves from any assault -- but treachery from within, self-betrayal, that was something they could not guard against.
Re: Trust Me
Date: 2006-02-21 05:06 am (UTC)He wanted to turn over, to reach out and touch Duo, to kiss him and pretend that the last half hour had never happened. But he had no illusions as to how Duo would react.
Why? Why did he react this way? No doubt he had his own reasons -- but what they were, Heero didn't know. He had drawn, from his observations of Duo (and he was quite good at observing Duo) certain patterns of behavior.
Although Duo's bravery on the battlefield could not be questioned, he had a distinct tendency to run away from emotional confrontation. He also, Heero knew, tried to avoid attachments in any form -- aside from Deathscythe, he never owned any personal possessions, and though he was friendly to all, he was open to very few. Finally -- and this was a pattern Heero had seen more and more when he knew what to look for -- he avoided mention of love, in any context.
Based on these past behaviors, Heero had predicted that if confronted with a declaration of feelings from himself, Duo would try and run away. And so, he had taken steps to ensure that could not happen. But... he hadn't expected anything like this, this sudden, irrational anger. Accusations. Hurt. Betrayal.
Heero squeezed his eyes closed and curled up slightly, fists clenched in front of his chest. Carefully, he controlled his breathing. He feared that he might have made a terrible mistake, one that would ruin any chance not only of Duo loving him, but of them even working together in the future. After all, if Duo could not trust him --
He stopped his self-destructive train of thought. Trust. There was something about that that was important.
Duo had accused him of betraying his trust. But, Heero realized as he felt a fierce stab of resentment, he didn't think that he had done so. As he and Duo had grown steadily closer, the plain and practical trust they had begun with had evolved into something deeper, something more. His own sharp words of earlier came back to him. They trusted each other... not only to protect them from external threats, but internal ones as well. In this world, in this war, that was even more important; both of them were fierce, capable fighters, and they could defend themselves from any assault -- but treachery from within, self-betrayal, that was something they could not guard against.